Black Flags: The Rise of ISIS

by Joby Warrick

With the Jordanian gone, the former Baathists moved to assert Iraqi control over the group, from its central hierarchy to the provincial towns that were controlled by the Islamists in all but name.

Again, we have the unemployed Baathists sauntering about, fucking everything up. The staggeringly bad decision to de-Ba'ath-I've the Iraqi army and civil service would never lead to anything but continual heartbreak and sorrow.

The white-bearded Khlifawi, more commonly known by his jihadist name Haji Bakr,

Fun Fact: while whiling away their time waiting for court proceedings and recounts in the aftermath of the 2000 Presidential election, after discussing everyone's porn name, and everyone's Star Wars name, the Bush family and their confidants discussed their jihadi names. James Baker was, of course, "Haji Bakr". George W. Bush declared his jihadi name was "El Bushimisso!", despite the protests of everyone complaining this was Spanish. Oddly, Dick Cheney's jihadi name was "Dick Cheney".

When European countries voted to boycott the relatively meager imports of Syrian oil, Assad’s other major ally—Iran—more than offset the losses by supplying Syria with billions of dollars in bank loans and cash.

And this is why we need to have a good relationship with Iran.

In Kuwait, one of the biggest providers of private funding, a preacher named Hajjaj al-Ajmi, launched a Twitter campaign to persuade his 250,000 followers to donate money to special bank accounts set up to help the rebels. “Give your money to the ones who will spend it on jihad, not aid,” al-Ajmi exhorted donors in a video pitch posted to YouTube in 2012.

Oh, god, that's as annoying as Wikipedia begging for money on every page load.

A few wealthy donors—sometimes called “angel investors” by those who benefitted—arranged visits to the battlefield to hand-deliver suitcases full of cash, and were sometimes rewarded by having a rebel brigade rename itself in the patron’s honor.

There could still be a Robert Gustavo Horn brigade, couldn't there? I'm not so big on jihad, but maybe they could wage a jihad on poverty? Or help dogs and cats or something?

More disturbingly, young Muslim men from around the world were beginning to stream across the Syria-Turkey border to join the fight, evoking the great migrations of volunteer fighters into Afghanistan and Iraq in decades past. To encourage them, al-Nusra’s leaders set up Twitter and Facebook accounts offering everything from theological pep talks to practical advice on what to wear and bring.

Apparently, we should begin by launching drone strikes against Twitter and Facebook. I am not one inclined to believe that unfettered communication is a good thing -- this is part of why my beloved house cat let her ACLU membership lapse. The other reasons were that she was offended by the ACLU's support of Citizens United, and the fact that a 21 year old cat was bound to die at some point. I miss that cat. She had great politics.

“At some briefings,” the senior security adviser recalled, “we’d hear, ‘Wait till you see who just showed up [in Syria].’ And then, the next time, it was ‘So—you think that last group was bad

I think I have found my dream job: gleefully delivering terrible news at state department briefings. How does one get this job?

“We weren’t convinced that al-Nusra was coming for us next week, but we were worried about all these trained jihadis coming back to Europe and having a passport,” the senior adviser said. “This is when the mood music in the Situation Room started to change.

Another dream job: programming the mood music in the situation room. Astor Piazzolla's "Tango Sensations" seems like an excellent choice. Along with the creepy piano music from "Eye's Wide Shut".

Some of his video outtakes are unintentionally hilarious, as Abu Wahib tries karate moves or attempts to leap through the air while firing his gun.

Does every terrorist leader, of Caliph in this case, have a ridiculous movie they made, trying to look tough?

English-speakers would know the new organization as ISIL, or ISIS.

Daesh really never caught on, did it?

But the most emphatic response came from a surprising source: Baghdadi’s presumed partner in the merger. No one had bothered to secure the consent of the al-Nusra Front,

My bosses also keep trying to speak for me. It is very annoying.

It was a remarkable, and strikingly public, feud between branches of the al-Qaeda network,

We totally need a workplace comedy set in ISIS.

But before the assault began in earnest, Baghdadi had a few matters of business to attend to inside Iraq.

The Islamic State would function like a real government, with flow charts for acquiring approvals and special departments in charge of social media, logistics, finances, training, recruitment, and even the management of candidates for suicide missions, who were kept apart from the regular fighters to ensure proper indoctrination.

The body count in Iraq’s morgues soon soared to levels not seen since the Zarqawi era, as ISIS dispatched suicide bombers into sports arenas and community soccer games as well as mosques, cafés, and markets.

For the comedy, I would want one to go to a support group for the suicidally depressed, while wearing his explosive vest. Another might want his 72 virgins, but not want to hurt anyone, so he might blow himself up in a hospice. And that guy who went to the porn show, and then failed to blow himself up? He was trying to negotiate with Allah for a few less virgins, and a few well skilled women.

The biggest of the two raids, on Iraq’s notorious Abu Ghraib prison, freed more than five hundred inmates, many of them veterans of Zarqawi’s terrorist network.

Sigh. They never would have freed anyone from Gitmo, and even if they did... well, that would be cuba's problem, wouldnt it?

“They walked around with their weapons, saying everything was going to be good now,” he said. “They even began removing the bodies that had been lying around in the streets.

To be fair, it is better to not have bodies lying in the streets.

Next, ISIS soldiers tied the corpse’s arms to a plank, crucifixion style, and left it to rot in the square for three days.

This is really undercutting the previous "no bodies lying in the streets" policy. It was a good policy.

Then came a group execution, in which ISIS soldiers killed seven men and teens in the same square. Some appeared to be stragglers from defeated rival militias, though several were smooth-faced boys. This time the soldiers cut the heads from the corpses and displayed them on fence posts outside a city park.

It really has been a long time since I have read Ivo Andric's "The Bridge on the Drina"

Punishment for violating ISIS’s rules could range from a public scolding or fine to floggings and worse.

That actually shows a lot more flexibility and opportunities for leniency and forgiveness than many of our own own legal systems. A public scolding really is the right response for many first time offenders.

One unmarried couple was beaten for sitting together on a park bench.

This was probably not their first offense.

Another man was publicly flogged because he married a divorced woman before the mandatory three-month waiting period had ended.

Ok, that guy was kind of an asshole. I am really surprised that fundamentalist Islam allows for anyone to ever marry a divorced woman. A three month waiting period, long enough to offer a modest fig leaf of "I wasn't fucking your wife (provided no one ever asks any follow up questions)" seems pretty reasonable. I mean, so long as you don't rub it in, you won't get flogged.

President Obama managed to secure a deal, with Russia’s help, to remove all chemical weapons from Syrian territory, and the prospect of military intervention was again pushed aside.

Geri the chemical weapons out was probably a better thing for US interests -- they would be incredibly dangerous in ISIS hands.

an uneasy truce settled over Fallujah, with ISIS firmly in charge of the center of town. It was the first time the terrorist group could officially claim an Iraqi city as its own.

Is it really a terrorist group? They employ terrorism as one of their tools, but they have very specific goals of ruling, and not just tearing everything down, or driving out the conquering infidels.

At the top, as he waited to begin his sermon, he pulled from his pocket a miswak, a carved wooden stick used for oral hygiene, and began cleaning his teeth. Again the act deliberately invited comparison to Muhammad, who, according to an ancient Hadith saying, advised followers to “make a regular practice of miswak, for verily it is the purification for the mouth and a means of the pleasure of the Lord.

Few religions really embrace oral hygiene as much as Sunni Islam.