Mate: Become the Man Women Want
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Read between June 16 - July 27, 2023
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Don’t let geographic inertia rule your mating life. Nobody else can choose your mating markets for you. Take responsibility for your attractiveness by taking responsibility for where you live and spend your time.
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The heart, like the stomach, wants a varied diet. —Gustave Flaubert
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Men compete more for short-term sex, and women compete more for long-term commitment. For most young men, getting laid is the ultimate sexual outcome. For most women, getting a guy to go steady as her boyfriend is a major milestone; getting him to propose marriage is the ultimate outcome.
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men compete for sex, and women compete for commitment.
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Approach choice: Men choose which women to approach and talk to. Guys usually pursue women who seem hot enough to fuck, fun enough to talk to, and sane enough not to create drama.
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If your main mating goal is short-term sex, you’ve probably felt the sting of thousands of rejections from women who didn’t show any interest in fucking you. But among the handfuls or (if you’re Tucker) hundreds of women who did fuck you, many of them probably felt the sting of your not pursuing them afterward—and you didn’t even realize it.
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men failing to follow up after sex is often women’s biggest frustration.
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Women have learned to fear that post-coital shift from male lust to male indifference. It’s when their power of female choice is weakest, and your power of male choice gets most brutal.
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Men have an absolute moral right to post-sex choice, deciding which women we continue to have sex with and which we don’t.
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You have to get comfortable with asserting your post-sex choice rights, to have any hope of ending up in a well-chosen relationship with a high-quality woman.
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So remember: with the great power of male post-sex choice comes great responsibility.
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If you’re both 25, she’s only got 15 more years of decent fertility, whereas you’ve got at least 35 more years.
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Make a list of every memorable female from every point in your life who was sexually or romantically attractive to you, even if you never hooked up or even expressed that interest. For each one, list every single one of their pros and cons.
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It’s your life and your penis.
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Some women signal their mating goals in more permanent ways, like tattoos. The larger and more numerous the tattoos, the more open a woman tends to be toward short-term mating. Likewise for piercings or any kind of body modification.
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If a long-term girlfriend proves to be less healthy, less interesting, less conscientious, or less caring than you need to live the kind of life you want, no amount of beauty will compensate.
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Bright guys who make some money and then chose a gorgeous but brainless trophy wife are usually miserable within six months. It’s a waking nightmare to live with an intimate companion whose company you find boring. And the boredom eventually shades over into sexual disgust and emotional resentment.
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Mood is contagious, so cheerful, upbeat women will keep you happy, whereas depressed, pessimistic women will drag you down.
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A woman with good empathy, kindness, and compassion makes a much better partner, mother, and lover. Kindness helps avoid arguments, and resolve conflicts, and it sparks better make-up sex. It means that when kids arrive, a woman’s first response to their distressed crying will be nurturing comfort rather than violent rejection.
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If there hadn’t been women we’d still be squatting in a cave eating raw meat, because we made civilization in order to impress our girlfriends. —Orson Welles
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The idea that bars and clubs are good places for men to meet women goes against everything in human biology.
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Bars and clubs present the exact opposite of a safe, easy, stress-free way to meet potential mates, to display your traits and proofs, and to work your way through a normal courtship process.
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The best way to meet a lot of women is to make your dating life an extension of your social life.
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The more social activities you do, the more people you meet. And the more people you meet, the more of their friends you meet, and the more friends you make and social activities you get invited to, where you can meet more women. Rinse and repeat.
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Volunteering for charities or social causes you like is one of the best ways to meet women.
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Most dance classes have a perpetual shortage of male partners and a hugely advantageous sex ratio.
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The beauty of all these activities is that even if you don’t meet any attractive women at one of them, assuming you pick things you already like, then they’ll still have been worth doing. They all improve your mate-value, expand your social network, and build your self-confidence, and you like doing them.
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online dating is the most awesomely powerful method ever developed for meeting women.
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Your main profile photo should be a headshot with a warm, genuine smile.
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Profile statement: Take this seriously. Before you write a first draft, look at what has worked on other people’s profiles and steal their good ideas.
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What women want to know is what makes you different and better than other men. Now is the time to be honest—about your shortcomings, your awesome qualities, and your mating goals. Because if you’re not, your phony attempt to sound different and better than other men will make you just like them.
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Your first message should be warm, friendly, and reassuring, showing insight into her profile and giving her a question to answer and ask in return.
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The critical point to remember here, though, is that online dating is not an end in itself. The goal of exchanging messages with a woman is to bring your interaction into the real world, face to face, where you can really get to know each other and possibly touch each other’s privates.
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The best way to meet women is to make your mating life an extension of your social life.
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Social, school, work, and local activities are all great venues for meeting women because they do not involve many anxiety barriers.
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Language is the heart of human courtship. If you can’t talk to women, they’re not going to have sex with you. If you can’t sustain good conversations, they won’t want to be your girlfriend. If you can’t resolve arguments constructively and respectfully, they won’t want to marry you.
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our society’s institutions don’t really teach conversation skills.
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Conversation in a mating context is not about persuasion or argumentation. In mating situations, the purpose of conversation is to indirectly signal your underlying traits and begin the process of connection to the other person.
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She’s using your conversation to see if you are mentally stable, intelligent, kind, and empathetic. What you say and how you say it are windows into your soul. It’s the best way for her to find out who you are. Conversation is her information gathering technique to check you for all the attractiveness traits that are not directly observable.
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Mating conversations are primarily indirect. You know the old cliché that 93 percent of communication is nonverbal? Well that fifth-hand bullshit was based on outdated studies in a book from 1971.
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Every conversation with every woman will be different.
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After you make eye contact with someone, give her a big, genuine smile. If you’re not used to smiling warmly, just practice—it’s a highly learnable skill.
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An open posture is a clear signal of openness and confidence.
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Leaning forward when you are listening or speaking shows someone you are paying attention.
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Making eye contact shows you’re confident, builds intimacy, and helps her feel at ease.
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Whenever you listen to a woman speak, demonstrate that you’re focused and interested in what she has to say by nodding occasionally and using other forms of feedback as well, like “uh-huhs” and “hmmms.”
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Studies consistently show that ratings of a conversation partner are more strongly influenced by delivery style, rather than content, and style is almost all emotional.
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When you are talking to a woman, especially at the beginning of the conversation, you need to project calmness and comfort to her.
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The best thing you can do to project a calm attitude is be attentive, observant, and interested while staying emotionally centered.
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Slower speech also makes it easier to lower your voice pitch, and deeper is more attractive.