Psychopath Free: Recovering from Emotionally Abusive Relationships With Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other Toxic People

by Jackson MacKenzie

The psychopath claims to hate “drama,” but you will slowly come to find that there’s more drama surrounding their life than anyone you’ve ever known. Of course, according to them, none of this is actually their fault. People just love them too much, treat them badly, and always seem to go crazy around them. How unfair for them.

Because then your entire sense of happiness is dependent on them. And what’s more, maintaining a false reality requires that you make a lot of excuses and explanations that keep you on the defensive and in denial. This is an extremely effective distraction (and destabilizer) from the frightening truth that your idealizer is actually your enemy.

During the breakup and recovery,

We feel devastated, empty, and hopeless. Without that fantasy, we’ve lost everything. We’ve lost the most important, wonderful, perfect partner in the entire world. And on top of that, everyone else i...

But then we start to put the pieces together and experience small moments of trust w...

We see how we feel around someone who treats us well. We notice the freedom in spending time with someone who is not judging, triangu...

The psychopath gleefully create love triangles, surrounding themselves with other targets to manufacture competition and make themselves seem in high demand at all times. Some targets will be used just to make you jealous, while others will be groomed as your replacement.

After once texting you on a minute-by-minute basis and declaring you their “perfect” soul mate, they begin to pull away, showering other targets with this very same attention. This causes you to try harder, striving to win them back—unaware that they are simply toying with you.

relationships provide them with the perfect opportunity to consume you by manufacturing the illusion of love.

This is why it’s so damaging when bystanders say, “Well, why didn’t you just leave?” You never entered a relationship with the psychopath expecting to be abused, belittled, and criticized. You were tricked into falling in love, which is the strongest human bond in the world. Psychopaths know this.

The psychopath’s ability to groom others is unmatched. They feel an intense euphoria when they turn people against each other, especially when it’s over a competition for them. The psychopath will manufacture situations to make you jealous and question their fidelity.

In a normal relationship, people go out of their way to prove that they are trustworthy—but the psychopath does exactly the opposite.

They are constantly suggesting that they might be pursuing other options, or spending time with other people, so that you can never...

And they will always deny this, calling you crazy fo...

Seeking attention, sympathy, and solace from people who are not you is a very common tactic of the psychopath. As an empathetic person, and as their partner, you rightfully feel that they should be seeking comfort in you.

They once claimed that they were a broken person, and that you were the reason they were happy again. But now they turn to private friendships or past relationships that you could “never understand.” And they will always make sure to shove this in your face.

Technology makes it so much easier for the psychopath to manipulate through triangulation. It can be as simple as liking a comment from a...

It leaves you feeling unhinged, anxious, and jealous.

They want you to confront them about these things, because they are so seemingly minimal that you will appear crazy and jealous for bringing them up.

They will calmly provide an excuse for everything and then blame you for creating drama.

Covert abuse is impossible to prove, because it’s always stra...

This is how they accomplish the crazy-making.

Psychopaths are also expertly skilled at surrounding themselves with givers—insecure people who find self-worth in taking care of others. This is why your giving seems so insignificant and replaceable during the relationship.

If you don’t give them the worshiping they deserve, they’ll always have other sources. And even if you do give them positive energy, they’ll get bored with you eventually. They don’t need you. Their current round of fans will always spoil and admire them, making you believe that they truly must be a great person.

The final triangulation happens when they make the decision to abandon you. This is when they’ll begin freely talking about how much this relationship is hurting them, and how they don’t know if they can deal with your behavior anymore. They will usually mention talking to a close friend about your relationship, going into details about how they both agreed that your relationship wasn’t healthy.

Well, the reason is that they’ve already made the decision to dump you—now they’re just torturing you. They only seek advice from people they know will agree with them. That “friend” they’re talking to is probably their next target.

three main characters in a psychopath’s love triangle,

You: Instead of feeling shameful like most normal people would, when the psychopath cheats they actually go out of their way to ensure you know about their infidelities—without ever admitting to them, of course. This involves openly flirting with others (often over Facebook), bragging to you about all of the people who want to sleep with them, and calling you crazy and jealous when you react accordingly. With you, the psychopath acts covert, ambiguous, condescending, and always trying to keep you doubting the relationship.

No matter how much they abuse their partners, toxic people will always have a loyal following of fans cheering for everything they do. These people are blinded by shallow flattery that the manipulators use to control them.

After the breakup, when most normal people would feel very embarrassed and secretive about entering a new relationship so quickly, the psychopath will openly brag about how happy they are with their new partner. And even more surprising, they fully expect you to be happy for them. Otherwise you are bitter and jealous.

Even after the relationship is over, they will use triangulation to try to drive you insane. They’ll wave their new partner in your face, posting pictures and declaring their happiness online. They want to prove how happy and perfect they are together, but more than that, they want you to hate the new target so you blame him or her for the dissolution of your relationship, instead of the true abuser.

So how can you protect yourself from this devastating emotional abuse? First, you must learn self-respect.

you need to know what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior in a relationship. You should know that a partner who cheats and antagonizes is not worth your time. You should never resort to calling yourself craz...

“The Detective Rule.” The idea is simple: if you find yourself playing detective with someone, you should remove them from your life immediately.

Even if this sense of distrust feels obscure and unreasonable, trust your gut. If you are constantly worrying or doubting your thoughts, it’s time to stop second-guessing yourself and start taking action.

every single time you remove that toxic person from your life, you will find that the anxiety subsides. Only you can truly know if someone is harming you. Only you know what is best for you. You can decide whether or not you like the way you feel around someone. No one can ever tell you that your feelings are wrong. Remember the question: How are you feeling today? The answer is all that matters.

Triangulation leaves long-lasting emotional wounds, and it makes you feel as if you are a jealo...

Start healing those wounds and understand that your insecurities were manufactured. You were not yourself—you were manipulated. The real you is kind, loving, open-minded, and compassionate...

When dealing with liars and manipulators, we often find ourselves playing “detective.” This is your intuition telling you that something is deeply wrong with the individual you’re investigating.

You become lost in confusing conversations that somehow result in you being labeled jealous, overly sensitive, and paranoid. But when all is said and done, you will look back on every single instance where they called you crazy and realize that they were lying to your face. Every excuse was covering up yet another con, infidelity, or even a completely pointless lie (the ones they tell for fun). Psychopaths are skilled at covert abuse, leading you on a scavenger hunt that makes you doubt everything about your once easygoing nature.

Silence is one of the most powerful tools of identity erosion.

When empathetic people are given the silent treatment, they often self-destruct and think of everything they might have done wrong. As a result, they start to whittle down their entire personalities in order to avoid repeating any of those potential wrongdoings.

The silent treatment is a brutal form of abuse—one that pits you against your own mind. You declare war on your intuition and everything that you know to be true.

They will leave you alone with your thoughts, planting subtle hints and suggestions over social networking to encourage your paranoia. You will run through everything you’ve done in the relationship, blaming yourself for your feelings and emotions. You will wake up in the middle of the night, heart racing as you hope for a text from them. Nothing. You log onto Facebook and see them chatting away with friends and exes. They’re not unavailable; they’re ignoring you.

You will begin to feel that you are on “probation,” despite having no idea what you’ve done wrong. You may become passive-aggressive, drafting out long emails about their changed behavior and complete lack of contact.

They’ve found something new and exciting and your emotions are just a bothersome speed bump in their latest romantic venture. But they will never tell you this. They will just continue to read your desperate text messages, ignoring them without another word. They will lash out and accuse you of being obnoxious, crazy, and clingy. They will refuse to discuss anything over the phone or in person, unless it happens entirely on their terms. The abuse is no longer covert. Their contempt for you is unmistakable.

Psychopaths latch on to successful people and steal what they have worked hard to attain. If you have a solid career, the psychopath will sponge from your income and avoid finding a job of their own. If you have a great group of friends, the psychopath will charm them into their fan club, ultimately turning them against you. They will end up sucking everything out of your life, and once they’ve taken everything you have to offer, they will find a new host.

The psychopath plans their discarding of you to be hurtful and confusing, causing you to feel completely worthless. And then you watch as their new life unfolds before your very eyes, leaving you to wonder what in the world just happened.

Looking back, you will find that this person offered absolutely nothing of value to the relationship—only false praise and flattery, to keep you from catching on to their extremely parasitic lifestyle. Psychopaths leave behind nothin...

the psychopathic breakup checklist: Covertly sprinkle hints that they are interested in someone else. Repeat Step 1 until you finally react. Calmly imply that you are being oversensitive and jealous. Give you the silent treatment for being sensitive and jealous. Repeat Step 4 until you start to self-destruct. Use your self-destruction to convince the new target that you’re crazy, that way the new target doesn’t feel like their cheating is “wrong.” Use your self-destruction to convince their friends that you’re crazy; that way they have full support from their fan club when they replace you. Begin to patronize you and explain how much your unstable behavior is hurting them. Choose the most insensitive way imaginable to dump you. Wave the new target in your face to show how happy they are without you.