Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1)

by Brandon Sanderson

People are never pleased when you reveal that their beliefs are wrong.

as would have been Alfred—though I really don’t have an inclination toward butlery.

Then I went inside my house and set the kitchen on fire.

If there is a boy in these kinds of books, he will not go on an adventure to fight against Librarians, paper monsters, and one-eyed Dark Oculators. In fact, the lad will not go on an adventure or fight against anything at all. Instead, his dog will die. Or, in some cases, his mother will die. If it’s a really meaningful book, both his dog and his mother will die. (Apparently, most writers have something against dogs and mothers.)

So, when people try to give you some book with a shiny round award on the cover, be kind and gracious, but tell them that you don’t read “fantasy,” because you prefer stories that are real.

And here’s where I proved my cleverness: I remained silent.