Alcatraz vs. the Evil Librarians (Alcatraz, #1)

by Brandon Sanderson

I am not a good person. Oh, I know what the stories say about me. They call me Oculator Dramatus, Hero, Savior of the Seventeen Kingdoms.… Those, however, are just rumors. Some are exaggerations; many are outright lies. The truth is far less impressive.

Let this be your warning—I’m not the person that you think I am. You’ll see.

Alcatraz actually knows a person named Brandon Sanderson. That man, however, is a fantasy writer and is therefore prone to useless bouts of delusion in literary form.

Alcatraz has it on good authority that Brandon Sanderson is actually illiterate and dictates his thick, overly long fantasy tomes to his potted plant, Count Duku.

It is widely assumed that Brandon went mad several years ago, but few people can tell because his ...