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Why was it that we sometimes wanted something that was impossible? Something that only led to hurt?
“You only have this one life, Lily. Make the best of it. I wish I had done it and now it’s too late. I don’t want you to end like me, to look back at a life full of missed opportunities and lost dreams. Don’t let life pass you by. You are braver than me, brave enough to fight for your happiness.”
One moment Mother was there and the next she was gone. Just like that a life ended, and with it the dreams and hopes of that person.
Everyone always said they wanted to protect me. I wondered from what. Life?
The loneliness you felt when you were surrounded by people was the worst kind.
“I thought you weren’t a mother hen?” “I’m not. I’m the angry mother bear who’s going to tear his dick off if he hurts you.”
“Every night I feel like darkness is swallowing me whole, like my life is spiraling out of control, like there’s nothing good in my life. But when I think of you those feelings disappear. I feel safe when I’m with you.”
“I don’t know. Maybe nothing. But I want you, Lily. I can’t get you out of my head. No matter what I do there’s always you.”
When my door finally opened and Lily walked in, dressing in a flimsy nightgown, I had to stop myself from shoving her up against the wall and burying myself in her.
Then I hid the phone in my travel bag again and curled up on my bed, letting sobs wrack my body until my muscles hurt, until my throat hurt, until everything hurt, but nothing as much as my heart. Was this it? The end of every dream I had?
“Nobody will take you away from me. I’ll fight a million wars if it means I can keep you.”
