Bound by Temptation (Born in Blood Mafia Chronicles, #4)

by Cora Reilly

I’d never felt not safe in my life—until now. I wanted my blissful ignorance back. I didn’t say anything.

Few people ever asked what I wanted; even my sisters occasionally forgot that I was a person with her own opinions and wants.

I didn’t ask them because I knew they wouldn’t tell me anyway, and I’d feel even more like the fifth wheel. They weren’t doing it to be cruel but it hurt anyway.

My own mind was a huge question mark. I wasn’t exactly sure what had happened but I got the gist of it.

It scared me. Shouldn’t he love us, his children, no matter what?

Why was it that we sometimes wanted something that was impossible? Something that only led to hurt?

There wasn’t a night when I didn’t dream of freedom. I didn’t really want to run but I wished I could carve myself out more freedom in my life.

Why is everything such a mess? Why can’t I have a normal family?”

“Things will get better. I know things look hopeless right now but it won’t always be like this.”

“There’s so much I wanted to do, so many dreams I had. Everything seemed possible.”

“You have a beautiful house and many friends and children who love you,” I said but even as I did I knew it was the wrong thing to say, and I hated this feeling of always doing the wrong thing, of not being able to help.

I glanced down toward the bedroom where Mother’s corpse waited to be taken away, then I turned around and headed toward my room. Aria had Luca, Gianna had Matteo, and for the moment even Fabi had Romero, but I’d deal with this alone. I’d been doing it for weeks and months now.

I walked out and headed for the stairs but stopped in front of Liliana’s door, listening for a sound. Maybe I wanted to hear crying so I could storm in and console her, be her knight in fucking armor.

The loneliness you felt when you were surrounded by people was the worst kind.

I hadn’t even realized how much I’d neglected myself in the last two weeks since Mother’s funeral. I hadn’t been hungry and rarely thirsty, so I hadn’t eaten much.

“I thought you weren’t a mother hen?” “I’m not. I’m the angry mother bear who’s going to tear his dick off if he hurts you.”

The darkness was impenetrable, I couldn’t even make out my own hand. Sometimes it felt like darkness was all there was in my life. A long tunnel without an end. Especially at night Mother’s words haunted me. I’d promised her I’d be happy, but I wasn’t even sure how to do it. A deep loneliness filled me, had taken hold of me ever since Mother had died. We’d never been as close as some daughters were with their mothers, but she’d been there, a constant presence. And now it seemed like I was all alone.

But I was getting ahead of myself. I wanted to take risks, enjoy life and be happy.

“I don’t know. Maybe nothing. But I want you, Lily. I can’t get you out of my head. No matter what I do there’s always you.”

How would it be to have people trust you to make your own decisions?

“This life, does it make you happy?” I asked softly. Sometimes I wished there was an easy definition for what made me happy. “At times, but nobody can always be happy.”

“Happiness often is. That doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it while it lasts.”

I’d wanted to make her mine for so long, and this was the only way I could. At least now a part of her belonged to me, at least she’d never forget our night together, but I also knew it wasn’t enough. I didn’t want Lily to have only the memory of our shared night for the rest of her days, I wanted to remind her of the pleasure I could give her every night, I wanted to taste her, smell her, feel her every fucking night. I wanted to have her fall asleep in my arms and wake up next to me in the morning. I wanted to make her mine for everyone to know, but there was no way in hell I could do this without betraying Luca and the Famiglia even more.

“I love you.” And by God, it was the truth. I loved Lily, even though I knew our love was doomed.

I wasn’t aware I’d agreed to anything. How could I have when nobody had ever asked me about my opinion?

Then I hid the phone in my travel bag again and curled up on my bed, letting sobs wrack my body until my muscles hurt, until my throat hurt, until everything hurt, but nothing as much as my heart. Was this it? The end of every dream I had?

“I don’t care about the Famiglia, but I care about you.” “Don’t worry about me. I’ll gladly die if it means saving you from Benito Brasci.”

Lily was mine, and would always be mine. If that meant a fucking war, then so be it. I’d spend until the end of my days hunting Russians and Outfit bastards if that meant I could keep her.

“Nobody will take you away from me. I’ll fight a million wars if it means I can keep you.”

I knew right then that I would be happy in this new life, not just because of Romero’s love, but because of my sisters and my new family. That wouldn’t stop me from missing Fabi but I had to trust that he would find his own happiness one day even if we’d never see each other again.

night. This was how it was supposed to be. Every woman should be happy on her wedding day, should feel safe in the arms of her husband, should have the right to marry for love and not because someone decided her match for her.

As a small kid I used to think they represented people who had died and who were watching over us as stars. I’d stopped believing in that a long time ago. Still I couldn’t help but wonder if somewhere somehow Mother was watching me. Would she be happy for me? Maybe even proud? I would never find out, but I’d kept my promise to her. I’d risked everything for love and happiness.

“I love you,” I whispered. Romero’s arms tightened around me and he kissed my temple. “And I love you.” Maybe things wouldn’t always be easy in the future, but I knew I’d never regret taking this risk. Love was worth every risk.