Ice Planet Barbarians (Ice Planet Barbarians, #1)

by Ruby Dixon

And there’s a god-awful smell. Actually, it’s not just one smell, it’s several of them. It’s like a piss-shit-vomit-sweat cocktail,

jesus help me

Except for Megan. She was pregnant. Two months along, she said, and they vacuumed her out like it was no big deal.”

JESUS CHRIST LOL

To think I haven’t dressed properly for alien abduction.

a new fear

Water? It’s dispensed from a faucet of some kind that reminds me of a gerbil feeder set in the wall.

No notes

But when I close my eyes, I see the redhead’s face as she’s raped.

I wasn't prepared for trauma 6% in

Turbulence is a little ridiculous, considering that we’re in space. Isn’t it supposed to be a smooth ride?

what is this assumption based on

“How do you know we’re not on Earth?” I ask. I refuse to give up hope just yet. “How many places can have snow and oxygen? We just might be, I don’t know, in Canada or something.”

Canada or something

Luke’s able to free himself before the creature eats him because he’s a Jedi. Me? I’m just a Floridian in a stolen space suit with no weapon and a busted wrist.

I don’t recognize the . . . thing . . . squirming in my trap.

oml we're getting ALIEN POV

She is making me resonate. She is mine.

not mates 19% into the alien erotica omg, I am never safe

A groan escapes me as my cock grows hard, the ridges on it swelling.

what happened to my name is

I bury my face between her legs so I can taste all of her.

WHAT HAPPENED TO MY NAME IS

It wasn’t a monster come to eat me. It was this monster. Who’s come to eat me out.

this book is hilarious

I’ll get up and protest in just a minute.

GIRL LMAO

Okay, so I just did that. I just had an orgasm from an alien. I have no idea how I’m going to explain this to Liz and the others.

Ladies you will not believe what happened out there

Clearly the gods have sent her to me so I might learn patience.

And then there’s that strange nipple between her legs.

howling

Baffled, I touch my own chest. “Vektal.”

why is this cute

I don’t feel like I’m in imminent danger. All this alien wants is oral sex.

He smells good, too. Great, now I’ve got Stockholm syndrome.

The need to please her eats at my insides.

manifesting this for all my girls

This time my lip curls. “You want to burn the food? Do you not understand what this is?”

me when people don't like sashimi

Hot damn, we’re going up the mountain. Rescue party of two, coming right up.

I nod, though I don’t know what she’s rambling about. Just that she’s smiling.

That knob? The bony ridge I had no idea what it was for?

she wrote him with a built-in rabbit, I'm howling

“We thought you were dead,” Tiffany says. “You never came back.” “I got held up.

Georgie lmao

“You know what? I got this. Don’t worry.” I take the blade of the knife

What gives you this confidence

God. So I get a cold-resistant tapeworm, or I get to die.

“Would you like to learn the sakh dialect he is speaking?” “You . . . you can teach me?” “I can perform a one-time linguistic upload. Would you like to do this?”

Oh come the fuck on hahahah it's CC magic bean time

“You are always thinking about sex, aren’t you?” “It is difficult not to when my mate is so soft and beautiful.”

Humans are like this too tbh

Fuck a duck. These guys are going to think it’s straight-up mating season if this continues.

Is that why all these people are so blasé about having a tapeworm?

“Fuhk?” I echo. “I do not know this word.”

I might not have had a choice about the baby thing, but . . . I’m not upset.

22. She should be at the club

“The cootie.”

“I’m kind of biased in one direction because . . . I’m pregnant.

Aren't we jumping to conclusions here

I might even love the big guy.

Its been a week?? Or less?

“In a week? Seriously, girl?”

Yeah

“To be fair, I thought he couldn’t make me pregnant if it was interspecies sex.” “A Great Dane can still make a Chihuahua pregnant,” Liz points out. “Guess which one you are.”

what am I doing