Nowhere to Be Found

by Bae Suah

What makes a relationship special? You talk on the phone every night before bed, hang out together every weekend, see new movies, remember each other’s birthdays, and, assuming there are no particular problems, introduce one another to your parents at your graduation ceremonies. You think of each other when you’re having a drink or watching porn, and gradually you come to understand all of life’s standards through each other. When you define it that way, then Cheolsu and I were not special. He didn’t make me feel anything, and I didn’t make him feel anything. But oddly enough Cheolsu’s friends and my friends all thought of us as a couple. Even my brother and sister thought so. They’ll get married someday, they all thought. Neither Cheolsu nor I had ever talked about that, nor did we feel any particular need to. But perhaps after more time had passed and Cheolsu had matured and grown older and sprouted a few white hairs and wearied of time, and I too had wrinkled lips and ruined looks and had reached an age where there was no longer any trace of a flirtatious smile and no one would find me pretty, then maybe we truly would end up married.