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Life, she insisted, is how you live it and who you live it with, not what you do to make a living.
“You’ll see, Drew. One day, love will creep up and smack you upside the head. Then you’ll understand.”
I’m not going to say it was love at first sight. No, it was more like oh, hell-yes-please, I’ll have that. With a helping of right-the-fuck-now on the side.
“Some people never understand the gift they have.” A light pressure on the back of my neck eases me closer to his warmth. “And some people wait a lifetime to have someone to love.”
“I think you’re beautiful,” he says softly. “Beauty fades,” I choke out. “Not when it comes from inside.”
Having just experienced true jealousy, I can safely say that the emotion is insidious, and I never want to feel it again. But it lingers like a plague, eating through my insides with dull, thick teeth.
“You’re so beautiful to me,” he says against my mouth. I pull back to look him in the eyes. “To you?” He often says that, and part of me wonders if others have said something contrary to him. “To me.” His fingers trace the curve of my shoulder, brushing a lock of hair over it. “When we’re together, it’s just you and me. No one else exists.”
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” “What wasn’t, baby?” I run my shaking fingers along his jaw. “Finding you now. Before I got all of my shit together.” “But you did,” he whispers. “And I’m not sorry.” Neither am I.
“One day,” I tell her, “I want to marry you.” Her whole body gives a reflexive jerk, her mouth dropping open. “Marry me?” I can’t help but smile at her shock. “Not now. We’re
not ready for that yet.” I trace her bottom lip with the tip of my thumb. “But one day. One day, I will ask you and hope that you say yes.” I palm her cheek. “You’re it for me, Anna Marie.”
“I used to think that if I figured out what I wanted to do with my life, everything would fall into place. Now,” I shrug, “now I’m thinking that happiness is never going to be having the perfect job, house, life. It isn’t a destination, you know? It’s a series of moments. I mean, isn’t that what life is? Moments? The here and now?”
“We are, all of us, fucked up in some way,” she says. “The only difference is a matter of how deep our crazy goes and how we handle our shit. Frankly, I think the crazy comes and goes in cycles.”
