Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits--to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life

by Gretchen Rubin

For me, the most important characteristic of a Rebel is the freedom to be authentic to the person I am at this moment. My desires and needs shift, and I want the autonomy to pursue that. But I also have a strong sense of self—certain values and characteristics that define who I am and that don’t change. For example, I’ve always defined myself as a great mother. I wasn’t going to be the kind of mom that I had—I was going to be a dedicated mom who shows love. And I do.”

“If a habit is part of who I am, then that habit isn’t a chain holding me to the ground, it’s permitting me to be authentic to myself.”

I can’t make people change, but when I change, others may change; and when others change, I may change.

We can build our habits only on the foundation of our own nature.

“Every time you break the law you pay, and every time you obey the law you pay.”

Quiz: The Four Tendencies Are you an Upholder, a Questioner, a Rebel, or an Obliger? Take this quiz. Check off every statement that describes you. By design, the Four Tendencies overlap, so you’ll have checks in more than one category; if you’re like most people, you’ll find that one category will more accurately describe your attitudes. This quiz isn’t dispositive; it’s just meant to help you get a clearer reading on yourself. Having the same number of checks in two categories doesn’t mean that you’re split between those types. Think about the Tendencies and figure out the one that best describes you.

Upholder Tendency ___ I feel uncomfortable if I’m with someone who’s breaking a rule—using a cell phone when a sign reads “No cell phones”—even if that person isn’t going to get in trouble and isn’t bothering anyone else. ___ I can meet a self-imposed deadline, even one that’s set somewhat arbitrarily. ___ I’ve made New Year’s resolutions in the past, and I usually have good success in keeping them. (Note: this question is specifically about New Year’s resolutions.) ___ It’s just as important to keep my promises to myself as it is to keep my promises to other people. ___ Other people sometimes feel annoyed by my level of discipline. I’ve been accused of being rigid.

Questioner Tendency ___ If I want to make a change in my life, I’ll make it right away. I won’t make a New Year’s resolution, because January 1 is a meaningless date. ___ It’s very important for me to make well-reasoned decisions; in fact, other people sometimes become frustrated by my demand for information and sound reasons. ___ It really bothers me when I’m asked to do something for what seems to be an arbitrary reason. ___ I like to hear from experts, but I decide for myself what course to follow. Even if I’m given a very specific instruction (say, with an exercise routine), I’ll tweak it according to my own judgment. ___ I can start a ...

Obliger Tendency ___ People often turn to me for help—to edit a report, to take over a carpool run, to speak at a conference at the last minute—because they know I’ll pitch in, even when I’m swamped myself. ___ I’ve given up making New Year’s resolutions, because I never keep them. ___ I’ll do something to be a good role model for someone else, even if it’s not something that I’d do for myself: practice piano, eat vegetables, quit smoking. ___ I get frustrated by the fact that I make time for other people’s priorities, b...

Rebel Tendency ___ I don’t make New Year’s resolutions or try to form habits. I won’t cage myself like that. ___ I do what I want to do; I’m true to myself, not other people’s expectations. ___ If someone asks or tells me to do something, I often have the impulse to refuse. ___ Other people sometimes become frustrated because I won’t do what they want me to do. ___ I enjoy a challenge as long as I choose to accept it and can tackle it in my own way. ___ If I’m expected to do something—even s...