Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits--to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life

by Gretchen Rubin

Habits make change possible by freeing us from decision making and from using self-control.

A good habit makes life so much easier and pleasant! I've talked to many people who resist the idea of habits, but when they realize how habits (well, the *right* habits) help us make life freer and more pleasant, they embrace them. A good habit just helps us do the things we want to do.

Obligers may find it difficult to form a habit, because often we undertake habits for our own benefit, and Obligers do things more easily for others than for themselves. For them, the key is external accountability.

Outer accountability is key for Obligers! How might you add outer accountability to support the desire to read more? For instance, you could join a book club where you're really expected to read the book. You could read the books assigned to your children, to discuss with them. You could have family reading time, where every family member reads his or her own book at the same time. You could think about your duty to your future self ("Future-Gretchen will be so disappointed if I get to the end of the year and don't accomplish my reading challenge"). You could think about your duty to be a good role model for others. You could join a virtual group on my free "Better" app where people hold each other accountable. It's not hard to create outer accountability, once you know that that's what you need.

As an ardent fan of children’s literature, I’ve started three children’s literature reading groups. Yes, three.

Sometimes we don't read what we want to read, because we think we "should" read something else. Shouldn't I be reading sophisticated contemporary fiction instead of re-reading Harry Potter? Some people feel the same way about mysteries, thrillers, romances, graphic novels, and so on. The problem is that we end up reading less, because we're less enthusiastic about what we're reading. Now that I embrace my love of children's and young-adult literature, I read much more of those books--and I also read much more sophisticated contemporary fiction. Reading leads to more reading. (If you want my list of my 81 favorite works of children's literature, you can download it at gretchenrubin.com/resources.)

Self-measurement brings self-awareness, and self-awareness strengthens our self-control.

Keeping track of what we're doing helps to steer us in the right direction, and keeping track of the books we read helps us to read more. It lets us see how much (or how little) reading we're doing. It gives us a feeling of accomplishment ("Wow, I didn't realize I'd read so many books last year!") or disappointment ("I love to read, but I see I'm not making enough time for it, so I'll figure out ways to read more in the future"). Every week on Facebook, I post a photo of all the books I've read that week. I don't finish a book if I don't like it, so if I post it, that means I enjoyed it. I get a lot of gratification from posting my photo of that book pile each week. Any kind of monitoring is useful: notebook, app, social media, photo, whatever works for you. Many people track their reading in Goodreads, where it's easy to set a reading goal and monitor progress in a satisfying way.

In that way, I ensure that my life reflects my values.

We're happier when we live up to our values, if we live up to our beliefs and aspirations for ourselves. I remind myself, "I must make time to read. I'm a reader; that's at the core of my identity. One of my earliest memories of my whole life is learning to read LITTLE HOUSE IN THE BIG WOODS for myself. I can't "Be Gretchen" if I don't take time to read.

Going to bed demands a real burst of psychic and physical energy. When I’m too tired to switch gears, and I can’t face the thought of washing my face, I delay going to bed.

Many people love to read before bed, and it's a great, regular habit for them. I find, however, that I'm usually just too tired to read more than a page or two. If you find that it's tough to read at the end of the day, try to create the habit of reading regularly at a different point of the day: in the morning, during an afternoon break, during a commute, after dinner. Some people think they "should" read before bed, but there's no right time or wrong time, only what suits you.

To a truly remarkable extent, we’re more likely to do something if it’s convenient, and less likely if it’s not.

There are lots of ways to make reading more convenient. Keep a list of books you want to read, so you're never at a loss. Read physical books, e-books, audio-books, so you can read whether you're in a chair, on a plane, in a car, at the beach, walking the dog, etc. Always have plenty of material with you so you're never stuck someplace with time but no book. Make it physically easy to read, by making sure you have enough light, adjusting font size, etc., depending on how you're reading. Always have a book nearby, so at the slightest impulse or opportunity, you can resume reading

Just as I can strengthen good habits by making them more convenient, I can squash bad habits by making them less convenient. I

For instance, if you're spending time looking at social media on your smartphone instead of reading, use the Strategy of Inconvenience, combined wwith Convenience. Delete the time-sucking app, or at least make it harder to find or access, and replace it with the Kindle app. That way, when you have the impulse to hit that app icon, you'll be reminded of your desire to spend that time reading. You've made it tougher to scroll endlessly and easier to jump back into a book.

It’s human nature: we seek loopholes. Even when we’re deeply committed to a good habit, even when we enjoy that habit, we’re often seeking possible justifications to excuse ourselves from it … just this once. With a little ingenuity, there’s a loophole for every occasion.

I was fascinated by each of the 21 strategies for habit change, but I must say, I most enjoyed working on this chapter. We're so imaginative about coming up with loopholes! I loved collecting great ones, and I had to cut out dozens of dozens of examples that I initially included. I got such a kick out of each one; it was hard to pick the few most striking or typical ones. Maybe one day I'll do a little ironic "Book of Loopholes," just for fun. They're hilarious.

From what I’ve observed, the Strategy of Identity is particularly helpful for Rebels. Rebels generally have a tough time accepting the constraints imposed by habits, but because they place great value on being true to themselves, they embrace a habit if they view it as an aspect of their identity.

For a Rebel, it's not helpful to think "I should read more," "My book group expects me to read this book," "Someone gave me this book, I should read it," "I need to set a good example." Nope. For Rebels (and sometimes for all of us) it's helpful to think about identity. "I read because I'm a reader. The social media and TV companies try to hijack my attention, but they can't control me. I decide how I spend my time and attention. Everyone around me knows what I value, because they see it in my actions. You think I can't read 100 books in a year? Watch me!"

Because we’re quite susceptible to “goal contagion,” we may rapidly pick up someone else’s habits, so it’s helpful to be around people who are good role models.

So -- if you want to read more, spend time with people who read. Join or start a book group, to be with book-loving people. (If you want discussion guides for any of my books, you can find them at gretchenrubin.com/resources.) Have coffee with that bookish friend who always recommends terrific books, and ask for suggestions. Visit sites that are dedicated to books. Join the conversation in the Goodreads community. Associating with people who read will make you more inclined to read, as well. Conversely, if you spend time with people who never pick up a book, that habit will rub off on you too.

Everyday life in Utopia.

I hope you found this book useful as you think about your own habits. If you'd to learn more about happiness, good habits, and human nature, check out my other books, including my most recent book: OUTER ORDER, INNER CALM: DECLUTTER AND ORGANIZE TO MAKE MORE ROOM FOR HAPPINESS. It's a short book that focuses on how to create and maintain outer order, and I write about how good habits can help us achieve that aim. And check out my weekly podcast, HAPPIER WITH GRETCHEN RUBIN, which I co-host with my sister Elizabeth Craft. Onward and upward!