Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits--to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life

by Gretchen Rubin

AM I A LARK OR AN OWL?

Larks, Owls, and everyone in between should consider that aspect of their nature when trying to shape a habit.

AM I A MARATHONER, A SPRINTER, OR A PROCRASTINATOR?

slow and steady clip,

Sprinters prefer to work in quick bursts of intense effort, and they deliberately wait for the pressure of a deadline to sharpen their thinking.

Procrastinators may resemble Sprinters, because they too tend to finish only when they’re against a deadline, but the two types are quite different. Sprinters choose to work at the last minute because the pressure of a deadline clarifies their thoughts; Procrastinators hate last-minute pressure and wish they could force themselves to work before the deadline looms. Unlike Sprinters, Procrastinators often agonize about the work they’re not doing, which makes it hard for them to do anything fun or meaningful with their time. They may rush around doing busywork as a way to avoid doing what they know they have to do. (It’s

Procrastinators, however, are happier when they change their work habits to work more steadily.

AM I AN UNDERBUYER OR AN OVERBUYER?

The underbuyer thinks, “I don’t need to buy running shoes. These old tennis shoes will be fine.” The overbuyer thinks, “I need running shoes, and a spare pair, and a reflector vest, and a pedometer, and a book about avoiding injury.” Knowing our inclination to under- or overbuy can help us identify opportunities to buy, or not buy, to foster our healthy habits.

overbuyers should remember that mere acquisition isn’t enough to establish a good habit.

AM I A SIMPLICITY LOVER OR AN ABU...

Simplicity lovers are attracted by the idea of “less,” of emptiness, bare surfaces and shelves, few choices, a roomy closet. I’m

Abundance lovers are attracted by the idea of “more,” of overflow, of addition, of ampleness, of a full pantry. They always want to have more than enough. They like a bit of bustle, and they enjoy collecting things and having a wide array of choices.

AM I A FINISHER OR AN OPENER?

Openers thrill to the excitement of launching a new project, and find pleasure in opening a fresh tube of toothpaste.

If we know whether we’re a Finisher or an Opener, we can shape our habits to suit that preference.

AM I A FAMILIARITY LOVER OR A NOVELTY LOVER?

For familiarity lovers, a habit becomes easier as it becomes familiar.

AM I PROMOTION-FOCUSED OR PREVENTION-FOCUSED?

Promotion-focused people concentrate on achievement and advancement, on making gains, on getting more love, praise, pleasure. They eagerly and optimistically pursue their goals. By contrast, prevention-focused people concentrate on fulfilling their duties, on avoiding losses, and on minimizing danger, pain, or censure. They’re vigilant against possible drawbacks or problems.

DO I LIKE TO TAKE SMALL STEPS OR BIG STEPS?

Many people have better success adopting a habit when they start with modest, manageable steps.

The slow accumulation of small triumphs is encouraging—and very sustainable.

Also, by taking little steps, we gradually become accustomed to including a new habit in the pattern of our days. The habit of the habit is even more valuable than the habit itself; for instance, the habit of tracking expenses each day is more valuable than any one particular calculation. Keeping a habit, in the smallest way, protects and strengthens it.

How I Like to Spend My Time At what time of day do I feel energized? When do I drag? Do I like racing from one activity to another, or do I prefer unhurried transitions? What activities take up my time but aren’t particularly useful or stimulating? Would I like to spend more time with friends, or by myself? Do I have several things on my calendar that I anticipate with pleasure? What can I do for hours without feeling bored? What daily or weekly activity did I do for fun when I was ten years old? What I Value What’s most satisfying to me: saving time, or money, or effort? Does it bother me to act differently from other people, or do I get a charge out of it? Do I spend a lot of time on something that’s important to someone else, but not to me? If I had $500 that I had to spend on fun, how would I spend it? Do I like to listen to experts, or do I prefer to figure things out for myself? Does spending money on an activity make me feel more committed to it, or less committed? Would I be happy to see my children have the life I’ve had? My Current Habits Am I more likely to indulge in a bad habit in a group, or when I’m alone? If I could magically, effortlessly change one habit in my life, what would it be? If the people around me could change one of my habits, what would they choose? Of my existing habits, which would I like to see my children adopt? Or not?

while these brilliant people vary tremendously in the specific habits they follow, they all know very well what habits work for them, and they make a great effort to maintain those habits.

Many strategies help us change our habits, and four strategies tower above the others: Monitoring, Foundation, Scheduling, and Accountability.

Monitoring

“We manage what we monitor,” and keeping close track of our actions means we do better in

control.

A key step for the Strategy of Monitoring is to identify precisely what action is monitored.

If we want something to count in our lives, we should figure out a way to count it.

As I talked to people about how they monitor themselves, the potentially dangerous concept of moderation kept cropping up. Framing a level of activity or consumption as moderate can be misleading, because while the word “moderation” implies reasonableness and restraint, it’s actually a relative term. Moderate in comparison to what?

Obligers may struggle to monitor unless someone is checking on them.

I should monitor whatever is essential to me. In that way, I ensure that my life reflects my values.

accomplishing small tasks boosts our sense of “self-efficacy.”

Secret of Adulthood: Keeping up is easier than catching up.

People raise the bar when they consider starting a new habit, and then, from an impulse that’s either enthusiasm or unconscious self-sabotage, they suggest refinements that make the habit prohibitively challenging.

First things first—but we must all decide what comes first, for us.

The Strategy of Scheduling, of setting a specific, regular time for an activity to recur, is one of the most familiar and powerful strategies of habit formation—

Habits grow strongest and fastest when they’re repeated in predictable ways, and for most of us, putting an activity on the schedule tends to lock us into doing it. In

Scheduling one activity makes that time unavailable for anything else. Which is good—especially for people who have trouble saying no.

The desire to start something at the “right” time is usually just a justification for delay. In almost every case, the best time to start is now.

To apply the Strategy of Scheduling, we must decide when, and how often, a habit should occur. Generally, advice about habit formation focuses on fixed habits—that is, habits that always happen in the same way, without conscious thought.

fixed habits and unfixed habits. An unfixed habit requires more decision making and adjustment:

they found that, on average, a habit took sixty-six days to form.

We may not be able to form a habit in twenty-one days, but in many situations, we do benefit from scheduling a habit every day.

One of my most helpful Secrets of Adulthood is “What I do every day matters more than what I do once in a while.”

Consistency, repetition, no decision—this was the way to develop the ease of a true habit.