Better Than Before: What I Learned About Making and Breaking Habits--to Sleep More, Quit Sugar, Procrastinate Less, and Generally Build a Happier Life

by Gretchen Rubin

What we do every day matters more than what we do once in a while.

Things often get harder before they get easier.

When we give more to ourselves, we can ask more from ourselves.

Once we’re ready to begin, begin now.

Habits make change possible by freeing us from decision making and from using self-control.

For this reason, it’s all the more important to try to shape habits mindfully, so that when we fall back on them at times of stress, we’re following activities that make our situation better, not worse.

When we change our habits, we change our lives. We can use decision making to choose the habits we want to form, we can use willpower to get the habit started; then—and this is the best part—we can allow the extraordinary power of habit to take over. We take our hands off the wheel of decision, our foot off the gas of willpower, and rely on the cruise control of habits. That’s the promise of habit.

Upholders respond readily to both outer expectations and inner expectations. Questioners question all expectations, and will meet an expectation only if they believe it’s justified. Obligers respond readily to outer expectations but struggle to meet inner expectations (my friend on the track team). Rebels resist all expectations, outer and inner alike.

Obligers, in fact, may reach a point of Obliger rebellion, a striking pattern in which they abruptly refuse to meet an expectation.

(It’s a Secret of Adulthood: Working is one of the most dangerous forms of procrastination.)

phrase from James Collins and Jerry Porras’s book Built to Last: “BHAG—Big Hairy Audacious Goals, all the way. I resisted this for years, thinking that to shoot too high only meant I would fail. What I didn’t realize was that shooting high motivated me much more.”

Of course, it’s also true that some people thrive in an atmosphere of disarray. For them, an uncluttered environment doesn’t help—or may even stifle—their productivity, their creativity, and their peace of mind.

Secret of Adulthood: Keeping up is easier than catching up.

One of my most helpful Secrets of Adulthood is “What I do every day matters more than what I do once in a while.”

I remind myself: Just because something is fun for other people doesn’t mean it’s fun for me—and it’s a lot easier to stick to a habit that I honestly enjoy.

Procrastinators can’t make themselves work—often, ironically, because they’re so anxious about work that they have to distract themselves from it—but they can’t enjoy free time, either, because they know they should be working. A regular work schedule can help procrastinators because progress and engagement relieve their anxiety.

it’s a Secret of Adulthood: things often get harder before they get easier—but I’d started.