This and Every Life

by Emmy Sanders

The will of man is great. And no matter the circumstances under which we are born and die, if I didn’t believe us capable of commandeering our own fate, I would have nothing to fight for.”

In a world of my making, I would clasp Jasper behind his neck and offer my lips to his. In this world, we bid each other goodbye. And I watch as he walks slowly toward his home, dreaming of a time when his footsteps might draw near instead.

But I have never in my life run off to follow my whims. Yet now, I have Abraham.

“Do you know you have stars in your eyes?” Abraham’s words are soft. Spoken low. “I can see them clearly. Your wishes.”

“Do you wish for me to kiss you again?” Surely he must know? “I wish for you never to stop.”

If this is ruin, let me be a man in shambles.

“If we are, will you fight for me, my warrior?” “With my every breath,” I promise, the certainty of it startling me.

“Will you think of me while you’re away?” His response nearly sets my heart on fire. “How could I not? Forgetting you must mean I am dead, for I cannot see how it would be possible otherwise.”

“If this is a dream, I hope I can return.”

But Jasper is meant to be mine. I know it the same way I know the sun will rise every day and the stars will return at night. He was made for me. Or me for him. I’m meant to cherish him. I’m sure of it.

“You don’t understand. I must. Because when I see you again, I will surely forget everything I thought of you in my absence, and I don’t want to let a single recollection go missing. I want to write them all down, and I want to share them with you.”

I have no doubt Jasper Sinclair will bring about my destruction.

I feel as if I must be going mad, Abraham. To want you so.” I twist his hand in mine, letting the sting in my throat settle before speaking. “Then we will be mad together.”

Do you think it’s possible to know someone before you’ve met?

Please tell me you are with me? That you’ll walk by my side through these dark and dampened trails? I won’t be afraid if I have you. I couldn’t be.

It’s easy to believe—when the rest of the world is out of sight—that we could exist just like this. Without worry. Without repercussion. Without end.

“I wasn’t made to resist you, Jasper Sinclair.” “I do not wish for you to try.”

Whoever it was that wove the fabric of my being did it with you in mind.

“Do you think you could love me again after what you’ve learned?” Arthur’s eyes snap to mine, clarity returning. His voice comes out on a breath. “My love. I’ve never stopped.”

you’re real to me, Charlie.”

His hand finds mine, tightening, his eyes in the glass near frantic. “You cannot be real.” “I am to me,” I assure him. “And if you believe it to be true, then, well… I suppose I am real to you, as well.”

If soulmates are a thing, he’s mine. It’s not romantic. It doesn’t have to be. He’s part of me, and I would no sooner cut out my own lungs than be without that man in my life.”

“I would have had you here years ago, Grayson.

The moment I found you, I knew there was no escape.”

Cataclysmic. Ruinous and miraculous. No words better describe what Ezra is to me.

Why can’t the absolute love of my life be my best friend?”

Why can’t love, in any form, be enough?

“I would say I’d have loved you in whatever form you came to me. In whatever time. I would defend you with my dying breath, and I would follow you wherever it is you go. The pieces of us were made to fit, Gray. To be drawn together and shared. You told me once bound stars are destined to go out together. And I’m glad for it. Because I can’t imagine a life, now or ever, without you in it.”

Maybe we can’t live forever. But I know down to my marrow—wherever his soul goes, mine will follow.

“If it is real, I’ll find you in the next life.”

“This and every life,” I repeat. My own promise. My own vow. The absolute and utter truth. “I am yours, my warrior. And I will love you until everything goes dark.”