This and Every Life

by Emmy Sanders

And then he smiles. Oh, but he’s beautiful.

But I’ve never wanted another as fiercely as I want Jasper. I desire to know him. To see a lifetime of his smiles. How wonderfully light would my world be?

“Do you know you have stars in your eyes?” Abraham’s words are soft. Spoken low. “I can see them clearly. Your wishes.”

But Jasper is meant to be mine. I know it the same way I know the sun will rise every day and the stars will return at night. He was made for me. Or me for him. I’m meant to cherish him. I’m sure of it.

I let out a slow, slow breath. “I wasn’t made to resist you, Jasper Sinclair.” “I do not wish for you to try.”

“You are beautiful, my star. If I could, I would spend eternity here with you, and I wouldn’t want for anything. I would look into your eyes and have everything I need.”

“If I could wed you, my heart, I would do so in an instant.” Jasper pulls in a breath, his answer a whimper. “I would hold you in our bed at night. Take you like this whenever you pleased. I would kiss every inch of you, swallow down the spend from your cock. I would belong to you happily, Jasper Sinclair. I already do. No matter our fortune in life, I will love you for all of our days and long after.”

“Don’t lose hope,” I beg of him quietly. “Never that. When you feel lost, look at the stars and know I am looking at them with you.”

“My warrior.” “Forevermore,” I vow.

“Thank you, Abraham.” His words are quiet, but I hear them nonetheless. “What for?” He lets out a slow breath. “For freeing me.”

“Jasper.” He rocks me, his face buried in my hair. “My heart. My star. My love. Whoever it was that wove the fabric of my being did it with you in mind. I was made to love you. And I will do so no matter where on this earth you are. My love for you will never, ever flicker out.” “Then I will look at the stars,” I say, voice catching, “and be reminded of it every day.”

“I will love you no matter where. No matter when.”

It is you who holds my very heart in your palm. You own me with every flex of your hand. And I am your willing captive.”

If I can find some comfort in the lot I’ve been given, it’s this. I would choose you countless times over. I’d take a lifetime of being loved by you, Arthur Kane, over any life lived without. I’m more than certain there’s not a storm I couldn’t weather, so long as I have you at my side.”

If I could wish for anything, it would be for Arthur’s love to follow me into whatever is waiting next. Heaven. Hell. I don’t much care, so long as we can be together. But if I had a second wish… Then perhaps, yes. I would wish for the chance to be seen for exactly who I am.

“And what of our love, dear heart?” Charlie’s head turns my way, his eyes specks of light in the dark. “It will outlast all the stars, Arthur. Every last one of them.”

“Have me as you will. Have my body, my love, and my everlasting soul. For there is not a single other in this universe I wish to share eternity with.”

“Arthur Kane. I pray I can show you the stars.”

“I am upset because you are breathtaking, and the world will never see it. They don’t understand it. And I wish, more than anything, they could understand you, Charlie dear. I wish they could see what I see.” “What do you see?” I ask, my voice shaking. “I see the person I fell in love with looking more comfortable than ever before. I see him standing tall, his thorns ready for battle. I see my husband, the man I married, looking so handsome it hurts my chest. But, my love, it doesn’t matter what I see. What’s important is how you feel. All I wish for is your happiness. I’m quite selfish that way.”

There is nothing in this universe that would stop me from loving you. Dare I say not even death.”

Love. The most powerful weapon there is. For no one, not even a god, can take it away.

“Do you know what I felt when I first met Gray? It was like I’d found a piece of myself that had been living outside of my body. And I didn’t even know it until he was close enough to bring it home. If soulmates are a thing, he’s mine. It’s not romantic. It doesn’t have to be. He’s part of me, and I would no sooner cut out my own lungs than be without that man in my life.”

Love is boundless. It’s immeasurable and immense. Beauty on its own. It’s the reason a person’s eyes soften. It’s why we go to great lengths just to make someone smile. Romance, sex, friendship, even, are all secondary to what love is at its core. It’s the very makeup of our being. It’s our essence, reaching out to another and finding our reflection in kind. Love is who we are. What we have to give. And having that returned to us? It’s an affirmation of our very being. That we’re understood. Accepted. That we’re real. Why try to place limits on that? All love is to be treasured.

“I would say I’d have loved you in whatever form you came to me. In whatever time. I would defend you with my dying breath, and I would follow you wherever it is you go. The pieces of us were made to fit, Gray. To be drawn together and shared. You told me once bound stars are destined to go out together. And I’m glad for it. Because I can’t imagine a life, now or ever, without you in it.”

Maybe we can’t live forever. But I know down to my marrow—wherever his soul goes, mine will follow.

“If it is real, I’ll find you in the next life.”

Finding out who this man is isn’t even an option, is it? It’s inevitable. A course I couldn’t correct even if I tried. He’s here, the gravitational pull of our lives now intertwined, one and the same. No. Nothing is going to be as it was before. And I think I’m absolutely okay with that.

“What is it?” I ask. “Just that…sometimes I think heaven is here with you.”

His voice is hoarse, rough, when he speaks. “Do you believe in fate, Caspian?” I smile at the question returned to me. He must know the answer, but I give it still. “Yes. Do you?” “I’m starting to.”

I would love him with every one of my last breaths. There is not a world, not a lifetime, in which I am not his. Utterly and singularly.

“Because I chose it. Chose you. And you chose me. No matter what comes between us or what tries to tear us apart, I will always find you. And I will always choose you again. Fate did not make me fall in love, Lee Donovan. You did that.”

There’s a word for it. One we’ve both been dancing around. Soulmates. Maybe this isn’t the first time I’ve fallen in love with Caspian Wilder. But it’s a first for me.

“Caspian,” I croak. “Tell me again. Tell me who you are to me.” His fingers dig against mine, blue eyes flashing. “I’m yours. Forever, Lee. I’m yours.”

“When I look at the stars, Lee, all I see is you. My past. My present. My future. Every future on every star yet to shine. Always, it’s you.”

“This is where you ask me the question, Caspian.” My laugh comes out as a croak, my voice much the same. “Do you believe in fate, Lee?” His eyes hold my own, brown and gold mixing in a hue I’d recognize anywhere. Any time. “I believe in you, my love. Which is why I can say with absolute certainty… I love you. In this and every life.”

“This and every life,” I repeat. My own promise. My own vow. The absolute and utter truth. “I am yours, my warrior. And I will love you until everything goes dark.”