The King's Men (All for the Game, #3)

by Nora Sakavic

"I didn't think I was a personal problem. You hate me, remember?" "Every inch of you," Andrew said. "That doesn't mean I wouldn't blow you." The world tilted a little bit sideways. Neil dug his shoes harder into the floor so he wouldn't fall over. "You like me." "I hate you," Andrew corrected him, but Neil barely heard him.

Honesty suited Andrew because he was an instigator at heart and his opinions were often unpopular.

Neil should let it go, but he needed to understand. "Why not?" "Because you're too stupid to tell me no," Andrew said. "And you don't want me to tell you yes?" "This isn't yes. This is a nervous breakdown. I know the difference even if you don't." Andrew dug his thumb into his lower lip like he could erase the weight of Neil's mouth and fixed his stare on the horizon. "I won't be like them. I won't let you let me be." Neil opened his mouth, closed it, and tried again. "The next time one of them says you're soulless I might have to fight them." "Ninety-two percent," Andrew said, "going on ninety-three."

Time was nothing. Seconds were days, were years, were the breaths that caught between their mouths and the bite of Neil's fingernails against his palms, the scrape of teeth against his lower lip and the warm slide of a tongue against his. He could feel Andrew's heartbeat thrumming against his wrists, a staccato rhythm that echoed in Neil's veins. How a man who viewed the world with such studied disconnect could kiss like this, Neil didn't know, but he wasn't going to complain.

Allison gave Neil's shoulder a thump on her way past them to Dan and Matt. Renee snagged Kevin for a quick hug before looping arms with Allison and Dan. Dan was laughing, giddy with impossible success. Matt left them to each other and slung an arm around Kevin's shoulders. Neil looked from one happy face to another, savoring and memorizing this moment.

Andrew was still curled up in the other chair, but the noise had woken him as well. He met Neil's bleary-eyed stare a moment before going back to sleep. It was implicit permission to keep being lazy, so Neil closed his eyes and drifted off again.

For a moment Neil felt trapped, stuck between what he wanted and what he needed, what he'd never have or be and what he had but couldn't keep.

Despite that, something seemed different. Maybe it was the sunlight streaming through the window, making Andrew's pale hair shine brighter and his hazel eyes seem almost gold. Whatever it was, it was disorienting. A wordless question buzzed under Neil's skin, leaving him restless and out-of-sorts.

"I didn't say anything then because I knew I'd look out for only me when the world went to hell. I don't want to be that person anymore. I want to go back for you."

I've said all year I don't swing and I meant it. Kissing you doesn't make me look at any of them differently. The only one I'm interested in is you." "Don't say stupid things." "Stop me," Neil returned. He buried his hands in Andrew's hair and tugged him in for a kiss.

They were all right here with him still but he missed them with a ferocity that threatened to turn him inside-out. Only Andrew saw the strain in Neil's mask. He crossed the room to stand in front of Neil, a silent demand in his stare.

He didn't want to think about this, didn't want to feel this, so he thought about the Foxes instead. He clung tight to the memory of their unhesitating friendship and their smiles. He pretended the heartbeat pounding a sick pace in his temples was an Exy ball ricocheting off the court walls. He thought of Wymack holding him up in December and Andrew pushing him down against the bedroom floor. The memories made him weak with grief and loss, but they made him stronger, too.

He traced the outline of a key into his bloody, burnt palm with a shaky finger, closed his eyes, and wished Neil Josten goodbye.

Andrew shifted as if to get up and Nathaniel knew he was going to shut Browning up for good. Nathaniel knew better than to touch Andrew yet but he got as close as he could and framed Andrew's face between his bandaged hands. Andrew could have easily pushed him aside, but after a short pause he got settled again. Nathaniel flicked him a quick look, grateful for that compliance, before leveling another icy stare at Browning.

It was Nathaniel's fault Andrew's self-control was in shreds, but it was also for his sake. Andrew's bottomless rage would never hurt Nathaniel, and that made all the difference in the world. Nathaniel gave Andrew's hair a cautious tug. Andrew resisted the first two attempts but finally let Nathaniel drag his attention back where it needed to be.

Why would they protect me now?" "You are a Fox," Andrew said, like it was that simple, and maybe it was.

Nathaniel dropped his eyes and worked his jaw, fighting for a center he was quickly losing hold of. He barely recognized his own voice when he said, "Andrew, they want to take me away from here. They want to enroll me in the Witness Protection Program so my father's people can't find me. I don't want—" he started, but that wasn't fair. "If you tell me to leave, I'll go." He didn't say it would kill him, but he didn't have to. Andrew hooked his fingers in the collar of Nathaniel's sweatshirt and tugged just enough for him to feel it. For a moment Nathaniel was months away from this moment, standing in the darkened front hall of Andrew's house for the first time with a warm key digging into his palm. It felt like coming home, and it was enough to take the edge off his fear. "You aren't going anywhere," Andrew said: the same words, the same promise. He was speaking in English again, and Nathaniel understood why when he heard Andrew's next words. Andrew was playing instigator and inviting the Foxes to the fight. "You're staying with us. If they try to take you away they will lose."

"But come back to us as soon as they're done with you, okay? We'll figure this out as a team." "As a family." Nicky attempted a smile. It was weak, but it was encouraging. This had to be a cruel dream. Their forgiveness threatened to burn Nathaniel up from the inside-out, as healing as it was damning. He didn't deserve their friendship or their trust.

Neil tried pulling the foil wrapper open and hissed through clenched teeth at the burn in his knuckles. Andrew took the bar from him, ripped it open in one easy swipe, and dumped it in Neil's waiting hands.

🥺🥺

Renee looked to Neil and said, "What do you need from us, Neil?" It didn't take much thought. "Everything I needed, you already gave me. You let me stay."

Neil studied Andrew's face until he couldn't keep his eyes open anymore. He dreamed of facing his father on an Exy court, and in his dream the Foxes won.

Andrew bit the question into the corner of Neil's jaw. "Yes or no?" "It's always yes with you," Neil said. "Except when it's no," Andrew said. Neil put a plastic-wrapped finger to Andrew's chin, guiding his head up for another kiss. "If you have to keep asking because—I'll answer it as many times as you ask. But this is always going to be yes." "Don't 'always' me." "Don't ask for the truth if you're just going to dilute it."

He was holding a set of arm bands identical to Andrew's. They were long enough to hide the bandages and fresh scarring on Neil's forearms.

"After everything they did to you, how can you stand me?" Neil asked. He was unwilling to put the details into words with so many people around. He doubted anyone was paying attention to them, but he wasn't going to risk it. He gestured between them, knowing Andrew would understand. "How is this okay?" "It isn't a 'this'," Andrew said. "That's not what I'm asking. You know it isn't. Andrew, wait," he insisted, because Andrew was turning away like he couldn't hear Neil anymore. Neil reached for him, unwilling to let him leave without a real answer. "No," Andrew said, and Neil's hand froze a breath from Andrew's arm. Andrew went still as well, and they stood for a minute in awful silence. Finally Andrew looked back at him, but for a moment Neil didn't know who he was looking at. In the space of one breath Andrew's expression went so dark and distant Neil almost retreated. Then Andrew was back, as calm and uncaring as always, and he caught Neil's wrist to push his hand to his side. He dug his fingers in before letting go, not quite hard enough to hurt, and said, "That's why."

"Last I checked you hated me," Neil said against Andrew's mouth. "Everything about you," Andrew said.

"I am not a pipe dream," Neil said. "I'm not going anywhere." "I didn't ask you." "Ask me," Neil insisted, "or stick around long enough to figure it out for yourself." "I'll get bored of you eventually." "You sure?" Neil asked. "Rumor has it I'm pretty interesting." "Don't believe everything you hear."

"I won't be like them," Neil said. "I won't let you let me be." "One hundred and one," Andrew said, "going on one hundred and two." "You're a terrible liar," Neil said, and Andrew kissed him into silence.

"Let Riko be King," Kevin said, with the exaggerated enunciation of the thoroughly sloshed. "Most coveted, most protected. He'll sacrifice every piece he has to protect his throne. Whatever. Me?" Kevin gestured again, meaning to indicate himself but too drunk to get his hand higher than his waist. "I'm going to be the deadliest piece on the board." "Queen," Andrew said somewhere behind Neil.

Andrew pushed him up against the wall with heavy hands and hard kisses. "Junkie."

"This isn't about Riko anymore," Wymack said. "This isn't about the Ravens. This is about you. This is about everything it took you to get to this point, everything it cost you, and everyone who laughed when you dared to dream of something big and bright. You're here tonight because you refused to give up and refused to give in. You're here where they all said you'd never be, and no one can say you haven't earned the right to play this game. "All eyes are on you. It's time to show them what you're made of. There's no room for doubt, no room for second guesses, no room for error. This is your night. This is your game. This is your moment. Seize it with everything you've got. Pull out all the stops and lay it all on the line. Fight because you don't know how to die quietly. Win because you don't know how to lose. This king's ruled long enough—it's time to tear his castle down."

Neil sucked in a deep breath that ripped him open on its way down. "I'd ask you how it feels, but I guess you've always known what it's like to be second, you worthless piece of shit."

Andrew brought Neil's duffel to him. Neil took it but dropped it off to one side. Andrew studied it for a moment, then shrugged out of his own bag and put a hand to the wall near Neil's head. "Your close calls are getting old," Andrew said. "I thought you knew how to run." Neil affected confusion. "I thought you told me to stop running." "Survival tip: no one likes a smart mouth." "Except you," Neil reminded him.

This was everything he wanted, everything he needed, and Neil was never letting go.