Kindle Notes & Highlights
by
Gary Chapman
Read between
January 1 - January 7, 2022
What we model digitally is more important than what we say about screen time. If we as parents are totally consumed all our waking hours with electronic media of any kind, we are communicating, “This is what life is about. This is the norm.” Too often parents give the right message but in the wrong manner. We tell our children to limit screen time, but then we spend hours online after work. We say social media is unhealthy, but we’ve got Facebook running in the background. We say video games are a waste of time and then spend two hours after work unwinding with a game. As one child said, “My
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Howard Hendricks said so well, “You cannot impart what you do not possess.”3
If your digital role model isn’t quite ready to be imitated by your children, it may be time for you to take a break yourself, to learn firsthand that it’s okay to be unavailable in an overly wired world.
The temptation to constantly use screens is all around you. Smartphones and tablets are portable, right by your side throughout the day. The screen world is enticing, promising something new with every interaction. Beep. Someone messaged you. Of course, you immediately check your phone because you want to know if it’s urgent or important. It’s neither, but you have been trained to respond at a moment’s notice.
Often screen time leads to something pleasurable like an email bearing good news or a funny photo.
If you are not careful, this rush of responding to blinking lights and buzzing gadgets can be addicting.
65 percent of people abuse it, according to technology addiction therapist Dr. David Greenfield.4 “The phone’s never off, so we’re never off,”
The wired world has moved the workplace right into the family living room. We are no longer forced to leave our work behind at an office desk; we take endless emails and problems home with us through our devices.
Is it really that important to be plugged in 24/7 to your work? For some professions, the answer is yes. But for most, the answer is no.
For many parents, it’s not a job that ties them to a phone all day. It’s simply become a habit to constantly check the phone, scroll through emails, or click through channels. Friends have come to expect instant responses to texts and social media posts.
While we are jumping through hoops to respond to everyone else within minutes, our children are the ones on hold.
The smartphone was created to make your life more convenient. If you don’t answer the phone, the caller can leave a voice mail or choose to text. You don’t have to reply right away. The digital information left by the caller isn’t going anywhere.
If you take a call or answer a text while you are talking to your children, you’re setting a model for them. The phone takes precedence over talking with one another.
Of course there will be ...
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When it is movie night or we watch a funny video online, it’s a big event and the kids come running.
I can honestly say a media-poor life has given us a family-rich life.
It may be difficult at first to cut back on television for your family, but in time, healthier alternatives will arise in the absence of television.
Spouses are especially gifted at pointing out areas for improvement, and when I asked James about my screen time, he exclaimed, “You are always on your computer!”
Most adults automatically check their devices several times an hour. Staring at screens is anything but relaxing. So when you set a curfew for all your gadgets and power off at the same time each night, it will actually prepare you to have a better night’s rest. You can put yourself, not just your kids, on a schedule.
notion of a refreshing weekend. They created their own digital Sabbath
by unplugging their home modem from Friday at bedtime until Monday morning.
Don’t put the emphasis on disconnecting, as if you are losing out. Instead focus on connecting. Think about what you will be gaining through connecting more frequently with your family and taking a break from technology.
Make it a habit to put down your
phone or look away from your computer when someone in the famil...
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Eye contact is the basis for empathy between ...
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What digital guidelines would help you personally make the most out of your screen time? Sabbath days when you take a break from screens? A cutoff time in the evening? A bin to hold your phone during mealtimes? Every person is different, so cater your plan to fit your family’s schedule and priorities. But do set specific guidelines
Are you both preoccupied with screens, or do you talk, laugh, and cuddle
together? Do you take a phone call even when you are in the middle of an important conversation? If your phone rates higher than your spouse in terms of your time and attention, there is something wrong.
too many families are going down the easy route of digital dependence, and the results in society will be negative.
Too many teenagers are depressed, sexually active, addicted to substances, and rebellious toward authority.
Parents who constantly check and use phones and tablets in the presence of their children are contributing to their children’s overuse of the screen.
You hold in your hand a golden opportunity to teach your child how to master their screen time—by learning to master your own.
The family van was
transformed into a university on wheels, with Dad reigning as king of the castle once more.
You are the parent at the wheel who decides the direction of your family. If you take the path less traveled, you’re going against the grain in this screen-driven world. Your child may not have a cellphone when her contemporaries do. Your son may not know how to play the video game everyone’s talking about. Pop culture references may go right over your daughter’s head.
But what might your child gain by minimizing the impact of screens on his life? Freedom from addiction, strong family relationships, empathy, critical reasoning, and patience come to mind.
So what kind of home will you create? A home centered around screens or a home centered around people?
To download printable pdf of quiz, go to www.moodypublishers.com/978-0-8024-1123-5. Click the “Resources” tab to download discussion questions. These simple questions can help determine
