Something Like Lightning

by Jay Bell

Burning in anger’s inferno was always better than drowning in sorrow’s dark sea.

A person who is racist is invariably ignorant, but a person who is ignorant is not always racist.

Of all the organs in the human body, the heart is by far the most treacherous. For centuries poets have claimed that love originates in the heart, radiating forth from this most special of places. But like most factories, the heart pumps out more than one product. Desire and desperation are two of its most popular exports, but most notorious of all—and perhaps the most damaging—is false hope.

“I’m gay,” William moaned. “And I’m fucking exhausted.” Kelly smiled. “I have that effect on a lot of people.”

Kelly leaned over the cake, filling his lungs with air. Whoever he is. Whoever I’m supposed to be with to make me feel complete, just let me find him. No matter how long it takes.

“The Pfluger Bridge!” “Gesundheit,” Kelly said with a smile. William glanced over at him, mind working. “That’s where we had our first kiss.” “Is it?” Kelly said innocently. “I must have forgotten.” “Don’t play coy,” William said, reaching over to take his hand. “You’re just an old romantic. Admit it.” “You have no idea.”

sometimes when I show up somewhere new, I get a little flustered and the details pass me by. Especially if I’m nervous.” “I’m not nervous,” Kelly insisted. “Great. How are you feeling?” Aside from nervous?

Kelly had promised himself—promised Bonnie, actually—that if Nathaniel were here today, he would ask him out. Just a simple date somewhere, like a movie, dinner, or even a visit to the dog park. No big deal. All he had to do was ask. “Dog dinner,” he managed to say. Then he winced. “Sorry. What I mean is, I thought maybe you and I could… Uh. What are you doing this weekend?” Nathaniel considered him, lips twitching. “Dog dinner?” he repeated. Kelly glared at him. “I’m not doing anything,” Nathaniel said. “Besides feeding Zero his breakfast. And his lunch. And his—” “Shut up,” Kelly said before laughing.

his phone rang. Nathaniel rolled his eyes, dug it out, and held it to his ear. Then he covered the mouthpiece. “Saturday,” he whispered. “Dog dinner.”

he also wanted to feel like he belonged to someone. He wanted to talk about their future and argue and make up again and get to know each other so well that being together was irritating and wonderful at the same time. All that good stuff. Not just sex followed by a complimentary breakfast.

“Love is vicious,” Nathaniel said. “Relationships and all the expectations that come with them—people are only setting themselves up to fail. What I told you that night still stands. You don’t need anyone. You might want someone, but at the end of the day, only you are responsible for your own happiness.

He looked up as he walked to the other end, catching sight of Nathaniel. His jaw was clenching, his face increasingly red, and he was breathing through his nose. The big lug was on the verge of crying!

Kelly said, “but I mean… I look normal!” Nathaniel smiled at him from over his shoulder. “Normal? I don’t think so. You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on.” Kelly felt like swooning into his arms. Instead he smirked and said, “You’re just saying that because of the new leg.” Nathaniel shook his head, his gaze unwavering. “Take it off and throw it in the next dumpster you see. I don’t care. Go back to your crutches if that makes you happy, or let me carry you anywhere you want to go. I’d do anything for you, Kelly. Absolutely anything, because I love you. You know that?”