Your Knife, My Heart (Dark Forces, #1)

by K.M. Moronova

I won’t kill him like I did my last partner. I won’t do it. I won’t.

You see, I can’t for the life of me stop killing all of my direct partners. Yeah, I guess I’m a little fucked-up, but you sort of have to be in order to be in the Dark Forces, don’t you?

My eyes drift down to my wet, burdened hands that are holding Titan’s head. His eyes are dull and I can’t recall when I did it. Goddamn it.

There’s nothing like sitting with your thoughts and talking to gray walls, gray ceilings, and gray barred doors. Left wondering if you’re still sane or if you ever were to begin with.

I won’t kill my next partner. I won’t.

The dark circles beneath my eyes make me look merciless. Well, aren’t I?

I mean for God’s sake, her hair is pink. She might as well be a little garden snake with a harmless bite.

“You think you’re special, don’t you? That I won’t tear out your heart,”

Jesus, he really does enjoy the idea of dying.

“How long do other soldiers last before they die after taking them?” Pride flickers through his eyes. “Forty-eight hours. Then they are as dead as doornails.” My thoughts race. “And how long have you been taking them?” “Three years.”

“Those who dance frequently with death tend to have a fondness for dark literature. Are you not so different?”

God, this guy is straight from the dead poet’s club, and I’m foolishly attracted to it.

He’s addicted to the very drugs he claims are killing other soldiers.

He’s lucky that he’s our most prized asset or we would’ve already tossed his ass in a ditch or left him for the Riøt Squad to deal with.”

The Riøt squad!!!

“Malum is the squad that goes where no one else can or will go. Quite literally the last resort. Then you have Fury, the squad that we send to remote, highly dangerous places. Their missions are at the top of the boards in the Dark Forces. The success rate is one hundred percent and the death rate of the squad is 30 percent. The squad we send on suicide missions.”

“You don’t own her. She’s mine, got it? When you look at her, I want you think of me kicking your face in,”

I can’t remember the last time I didn’t want to hurt someone.

I hate that I yearn to fix broken things. Things that aren’t mine to fix.

I’m really not that short. I’m like five foot five. Everyone else here is just abnormally tall.

Me too girl

I try to picture what the hell a Dark Forces barber would look like, and for some reason only Sweeney Todd comes to mind.

Fondness is the death of the foolish.

Why does his ability to kill a person so ruthlessly arouse me so much?

Please, please, don’t let me be murdered in the showers right after masturbating.

Oh kms

“I didn’t think you’d be able to do it. I’m so fucking patient, but you did it.” I tremble and stutter, “D-did what?” “You made me angry, love,”

We stand facing each other, defenseless and raw. Everything I hate being, but for some reason I find comfort in her tender presence. I don’t want to be hidden when she’s around. Her eyes belong only on me.

I can’t tell if any part of my body is failing because I can’t feel pain, but something is wrong.

You’re not special.

We do what we need to in order to survive. That’s it.

I don’t want to die.

“Is that why you burden me with those longing, haunting eyes? Do you find my story to be a sad one? What are you yearning for, Emery? Tell me, and whatever it is, I will give it to you.”

I shouldn’t give in to his self-destruction. But God I want to, and I don’t think I have the strength to let this moment slip by. My moments were numbered the second I entered the cell with him.

“My advice for Mori? Make him fall in love with you. Use your body. Use anything you can to survive.”

They only have to survive each other. I’ll have to survive both them and Mori.

“I hate the thought of being disposable. Being useless. And this fallout I seem to be having with the new strain of drug? It’s the scariest shit I’ve ever had to go through. I don’t want to be useless to them.”

“Fuck me, Cameron. Like I’m nothing. Like you won’t remember who I am in a year.”

Well, ten years ago my mother tried to kill me,”

“I found the hammer. When she screamed and clutched at her bleeding eye, I swung that hammer as hard as I could. I hit that nail right on the head and sent it straight into hers.”

This side of him is so unhinged. It’s the hottest and most euphoric thing I’ve ever experienced.

“I’ve never been able to see my cock through someone’s abdomen before.”

We both know he’s losing it.

“Welcome to the pack, love. I certainly hope you’re ready to get your hands a little red.”

“As a whole, you will have twenty-four hours to get the number on your wristband down to fifty. If that doesn’t happen by this time tomorrow night, the implants in your necks will detonate at random until we’re left with fifty cadets remaining. Same goes for anyone who tries to escape and goes out-of-bounds. You’ll get four warning beeps before you’re dead, but don’t fret, you have hundreds of wooded acres to hide and play in.”

A past version of me would’ve cared that I just killed a stranger, but I gutted that bitch a long time ago. If it’s me or them, I’m choosing me.

“Mavestelli is a deadly name to carry. A burden, most say. But if you ask me, I’d tell you it’s just a name. It’s the blood of men and the ashes of other families that gave the Mavestellis the power we now hold.”

“So weak for a wicked thing like me, aren’t you, Cameron?” I hesitate. No one’s ever spoken to me like this before, but I fucking love it. I want more. I want to watch her kill everyone. Forever. It’s like a high I’ve never known.

Fuck you too, Mori.

“No one cares about you, Cameron. When will you understand that? Something as dirty and useless as you can never be more than what you are, nothing.”

She’s going to try and kill me just like my mom did. She’s biding her time, waiting for the perfect time to catch me off guard.

By the time my mother brought me home, I was already sixteen. Already dead inside.

I should’ve let that bitch kill me.