The Left Behind Complete Set, Series 1-12

by Tim LaHaye

The bottle bounced at Buck’s feet, and he snatched it up before it emptied. It was again cold in his hands, and he couldn’t resist guzzling from it.

How were people in the 90s scared by these books?!

Buck squatted next to him and put an arm around his shoulder. “God wants you as part of his family,” he said.

The crowd stood, mouths open, many still drinking and passing around water bottles.

The apocalypse: brought to you by Ice Mountain!

Jacov, still on his knees, hands on his thighs, seemed glued to the TV image. “What?” he cried out. “What?” And as if he had heard Jacov, Tsion repeated the verse: “‘For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.’” Jacov lowered his face to the pavement, sobbing. “I believe! I believe! God save me! Don’t let me perish! Give me everlasting life!” “He hears you,” Buck said. “He will not turn away a true seeker.” But Jacov continued to wail. Others in the crowd had fallen to their knees.

Jacov repeated the prayer through tears, then rose to embrace Buck. He squeezed him so tight Buck could hardly breathe. Buck pulled away and thrust the water bottle into Jacov’s hand again. “Cold!” Jacov exulted. “Drink!” Buck said.

I love this scene. It just keeps getting funnier every time they bring the water bottles back into it.

Jacov put it to his lips and tilted his head back so far that he staggered and Buck had to hold him up. He gulped, but not fast enough, and the cool clear water gushed over his face and down his neck. Jacov laughed and cried and shouted, “Praise God! Praise God! Praise God!”

“Sorry, but we have a new brother.”

she appeared to try to speak. Her mouth was open, her lips quivering.

Floyd turned as Hattie emitted a piercing scream. She flopped onto her back, cradled her abdomen with both hands, and rolled to her side, gasping and groaning.

Floyd shushed her and listened carefully again. He felt all around her abdomen and then lay his ear flat on her belly. He straightened up quickly. “Did you tighten your abdominal muscles on purpose?” She shook her head. “Did you just feel a labor pain?” “How would I know?” “Cramping? Tightening?” She nodded.

“Should you move her?” “No choice,” Floyd said. “I’m afraid she’s about to spontaneously abort.” “No!” Hattie screeched. “I’m only staying alive for my baby!”

“spontaneously abort” lmao! Do you mean miscarry? Sheesh.

He wrestled Hattie into the car,

Exactly what you should do to a dying woman in labor

They bumped and banged and nearly rolled a couple of times as he set a course for Palatine.

“You brothers are going to get me in trouble,” she said.

It’s going to be very weird if all of the Christians start calling each other “brother” and “sister” every other line from this point on.

Leah peered at Hattie as she opened the operating room door and pointed at the table. “I’m not her sister, apparently.” Floyd stared at her. “So we let her die, is that it?” “I didn’t mean that, Doctor. You are a doctor?” He nodded. “I just meant, you’re going to a lot of trouble and danger for someone who isn’t, you know—” “One of us?” he said,

Geez, these Christians have issues with their moral priorities

“Scrub with me.

This is also funnier if I don’t give any context

Ken stood near the still unconscious Hattie.

Hattie fell unconscious? When? And does that even happen when you are in labor?

“Faster,” Floyd said, scrubbing more quickly than Rayford imagined it could be done.

“We want to give this girl every chance to become one of us before she dies.”

Hattie’s subplot in a sentence

“She’s not who I think she is, is she?” “I’m afraid so,” he said, moving into position. “You ever hear of another Hattie?” “Not in this century.

THEY KNOW! At some point, either LaHaye or Jenkins figured out that these names are hysterical.

Hattie came to. “I’m dying!” she wailed.

Within minutes, Hattie was wracked with powerful contractions. What, Rayford wondered, might the offspring of the Antichrist look like? The dead baby was so underdeveloped and small that it slipped quickly from Hattie’s body. Floyd wrapped it and pieces of the placenta, then handed the bundle to Leah. “Pathology?” she asked. Floyd stared at her. “No,” he whispered firmly. “Do you have an incinerator?” “Now I cannot do that. No. I have to put my foot down.” “What?” Hattie called out. “What? Did I have it?” Leah stood with the tiny bundle in her hands. Floyd moved to the head of the operating table. “Hattie, you expelled a very premature, very deformed fetus.” “Don’t call it that! Boy or girl?” “Indeterminate.” “Can I see it?” “Hattie, I’m sorry. It does not look like a baby. I don’t advise it.” “But I want—” Floyd pulled off his gloves and laid a hand gently on her cheek. “I have grown very fond of you, Hattie. You know that, don’t you?” She nodded, tears rolling. “I’m begging you to trust me, as one who cares for you.” She looked at him wonderingly. “Please,” he said. “I believe as you do that this was conceived as a living soul, but it was not viable and did not survive. It has not grown normally. Will you trust me to dispose of it?” Hattie bit her lip and nodded.

Well, this is one of the worst things I’ve read. The only bright side to this miscarriage scene is that we have seven books left, and none of them have to talk about abortion ever again.

“Please,” she managed. “Rayford, I want to die.” “No you don’t.” “I have no reason to live.” “You do, Hattie. We love you.”

Buck shook his head. What else could one expect from Antichrist?

Jacov was still beaming, having craned his neck and leaned out the window to see others’ marks. He often pointed to his own and learned that fellow believers always smiled and seemed to enjoy pointing heavenward.

“Carpathia will not threaten me there. Your wife was brilliant. She figured it out before it happened. She saw the guards coming for me, but she didn’t like their looks.” “They were pressing their earpieces hard against their ears,” Chloe said, “while releasing the safety locks on their weapons. I figured Carpathia or Fortunato told them to get revenge on Tsion and do it in the middle of a crowd so it would look like an accident.

Finally Chloe gets a moment to shine

He had learned not to baby Chloe; she was as brave and strong as he was. But she was also carrying their child, and she had been through a horrible physical ordeal that had left her wounded. This trauma couldn’t have been good for her.

I am not up to it this evening, but as a brilliant and reasonable man, you will not be able to refute the evidence I have for Jesus as Messiah and Carpathia himself as Antichrist.”

Forgetting himself for a moment, he swore under his breath.

Careful, Rayford! We can’t have any harsh language in this book about miscarriages and women’s suffering.

“I want to die, Rayford. And I don’t want to be forgiven or go to heaven to be with God or any of that stuff. But I will fight this poison, I will work with Floyd, I will do whatever I have to do to stay alive long enough to kill that man. I have to get healthy, and I have to somehow get to where he is. I’ll probably die in the process with all the security he’s got. I don’t care. As long as I get to be the one who does it.”

Even if it’s just for a single book, I demand to get a Hattie revenge story. This is the kind of actualization and agency none of the other characters have been afforded. I just need *somebody* to be an active character.

Hattie wrenched away from Rayford’s hand, and her frail fingers grabbed his shirt. She fiercely pulled him closer and rasped in his face, spittle landing on his cheek. “I’ll remember every word, Rayford, and don’t think I won’t. I will do this thing if it’s the last thing I do, and I hope it will be.”

This is as close to a “God as my witness, I’ll never be hungry again” moment these books are ever going to deliver — calling it now. This isn’t even particularly strong, but the bar is so low that I feel like jumping up and cheering for Hattie.

Rayford was relieved beyond description to find out that Amanda was all he believed her to be: a loving, trustworthy, loyal wife. But since discovering what Carpathia had done to Bruce, to Amanda, to Hattie, he was again battling with his own desires. He had once prayed for the permission, the honor, of being the one assigned to assassinate Carpathia at the halfway point of the Tribulation. Now, truth be told, he found himself angling to be in position at that time. He knew he had to talk sense to Hattie, to keep her from doing something so reckless and stupid. But that was also why he would not confide in Mac or Tsion or his daughter and son-in-law, why he would not say a word to his new friend, Ken, or to Floyd, about his own murderous leanings. They would, of course, want to show him the folly of his ways. But he wanted to entertain the thoughts longer.

Hot damn, we get two solid moments of character reflection/motivation in one scene, and both of them are about killing the antichrist. We’ve been getting hints of Rayford taking a dark turn for about three books now, but it hasn’t developed at all until this point. Fingers crossed some actual interesting character work is about to happen.

Their mouths met, and he held her.

Such a romantic description

Rayford had to wonder how Nicolae would respond to Fortunato’s obsequious opening. And he also had to concede that the pair had done a masterful, if not supernatural, job of choreographing the ultimate spin on Nicolae’s most public embarrassment.

Chloe started to get up, but Buck stopped her. “Thanks, Tsion. Maybe in a little while. If we miss it, you can recap it for us in the morning.” “Very well. Good night, loved ones.”

Never call a married couple this

You’ve never missed a breaking news story in your life.”

And we’ve never missed one in this series!

Chloe nodded. “So what’s on your mind?” “The baby.” She raised her brows at him. “You too?” He nodded. “What’re you thinking?” “That we weren’t too smart,” she said. “Our baby will never reach five, and we’ll be raising him, or her, while we’re trying to just stay alive.”

“So tell me not to worry, or tell me you’re worrying with me, or something. Otherwise I’m going to get all parental on you and start treating you like you don’t have a brain.” “You’ve been pretty good about not doing that, Buck. I’ve noticed.”

Well I haven’t! Chloe, stop defending your jerk husband because he said one nice thing about you.

Rayford was strangely buoyed, despite Hattie’s threats against Carpathia. In his mind that showed a level of sanity that, according to Dr. Charles, she had not had in weeks. He didn’t consider himself a lunatic, despite his own admittedly unrealistic wishes to be God’s hit man.

“You’re saying you can see it and I cannot?” “That’s what I’m saying.” “Poppycock. How arrogant.” “Can you see our marks?” Chloe asked. “Pish-posh, you have no marks,” Chaim said.

Did Chaim just turn into a British nanny for a second?

Fortunato tried to back out of Carpathia’s presence while bowing and tripped over a light cord. Out of camera range he had apparently tumbled and rolled heavily, distracting even the usually unflappable Carpathia and causing him to temporarily lose contact with the lens.

I really have to wonder how scared we’re supposed to be of this antichrist when every appearance his cabinet makes is a Three Stooges routine. Like, the point of these books is to scare people, right?

Carpathia quickly recovered and grinned magnanimously and condescendingly.

Who’s up for the Carpathia challenge??? You take a photo of yourself making whatever face this is.

“One of the hallmarks of my administration is tolerance. We can only truly be a global community by accepting diversity and making it the law of the land. It has been the clear wish of most of us that we break down walls and bring people together.

It’s really not a good sign when this is what you make your big baddies say. You’d think Jenkins might stop after writing this and think, “Hang on, am I one of the baddies?”

“I’ve got a Hattie problem.” “We all do, Floyd. She was an attractive, bright girl once. Well, maybe more attractive than bright, but you’re seeing the worst of her just now, and I think she’s coming around. You might appreciate her more in a few weeks.”

Rayford, down boy! Why are you such a terrible human being?

“So, what’s your problem, Doc? You think she’s a lost cause spiritually?” Floyd shook his head. “I wish it was that easy. My problem makes zero sense. You said yourself there’s nothing attractive about this girl. It’s obvious that when she was healthy she was a knockout. But the poison has done its work, and the illness has taken its toll. She makes no sense when she talks, and spiritually she’s bankrupt.” “So you want to throw her out, and that makes you feel guilty?” Floyd stood and turned his back to Rayford. “No, sir. What I want is to love her. I do love her. I want to hold her and kiss her and tell her.” His voice grew quavery. “I care so much for her that I’ve convinced myself I can love her back to health in every way. Physically and spiritually.”

No Floyd, not you too! Why are all the men in this series vying for the “Treats Women the Worst” award? That’s a VERY competitive scene. The only non-contender at the moment is Ken, the golden boy, the king with wings. Don’t you fail me, Ken. I don’t know what I’d do.

“Oh, for the sake of heaven, Leon, are there not more important things to worry about right now? Like people’s lives!” “Supreme Commander, Dr. Rosenzweig.” “Supreme Nincompoop!” Rosenzweig shouted.

Rayford put an arm on Floyd’s shoulder as they went back into the house. “I’m no love counselor,” he said, “but you’re right when you say this one makes no sense. She’s not a believer. You’re old enough to know the difference between pity and love and between medical compassion and love. You hardly know her, and what you know is not that pretty. It doesn’t take a scientist to see that this is something other than what you think it is. You lonely? Lose a wife in the Rapture?” “Uh-huh.”

Rayford: “Gee, Floyd is really ascribing too much humanity to Hattie. It’s like he doesn’t think of her as an object. Let me fix that.” And it’s super gross how the authors are “fixing” Rayford’s sinful attraction to Hattie by hooking her up with some other guy. It’s like as soon as she has the scent of another man on her, Rayford can stop feeling bad about his flirting. AND we get the good ole “unequally yoked” principle rearing its ugly head into the scene. Love that. Always fun.

“He’s dry. Recovering they call it. But in times of crisis, he reverts.” “Falls off the wagon?” “I do not know that expression.” “It’s an old Americanism. Early in the twentieth century the Women’s Christian Temperance Union would roll the Temperance Wagon into town, decrying the evils of alcohol and calling on offenders to give it up and get on the wagon. When a sober man went back to drinking, it was called falling off the wagon.”

Is this... an interesting anecdote? And a succinctly told one? In a Left Behind book? Huh, I’m not used to this feeling of having learned an interesting tidbit.

Jerusalem had grown seedy. How he had loved to visit this city just a few years before! It had had its rundown areas, but overall it had been kept with pride. Since the disappearances, certain types of crime and lewd activity had sprung up that he never expected to see in public here. Drunks staggered along, some with their arms slung around ladies of the evening. As Buck drove farther into the city he saw strip clubs, tattoo parlors, fortune-telling shops, and triple-X-rated establishments. “What has happened to your city?”

None of those are crimes, lol! “Hey Jimmy, want to see something illegal?” “Ah, no way, dude?! You got a potato tattooed on your ankle! You could do hard time for something like that.”

Buck was chagrined to realize he had pushed Jacov spiritually without getting to know him.

My dude, you converted him to Christianity, watched him immediate run into a crowd firing an uzi in the air as a distraction, and hours later are like, “Oh, I didn’t know he was an alcoholic. Maybe I pushed a little too hard.”