The Left Behind Complete Set, Series 1-12

by Tim LaHaye

“If you are suggesting,” Carpathia said carefully, “that it only makes sense that the Global Community Potentate bestow upon those guests a regal welcome second to none, you may have a point.” Rayford had said nothing of the sort, but Carpathia heard what he wanted to hear. “Thank you,” Rayford said. “Captain Steele, schedule that flight.”

DUN DUN DUN... One of the less-impressive cliffhanger endings for these books. END OF BOOK 4

Rayford Steele worried about Mac McCullum’s silence in the cockpit of Global Community One during the short flight from New Babylon to Tel Aviv.

START OF BOOK FIVE

But just before Rayford depressed the button, he felt Mac’s hand on his arm. Mac shook his head. Rayford shuddered. “They know?” he mouthed.

Starting off the book with a classic Left Behind interaction brimming with accidentally-gay subtext

Mac shifted control of the craft, and Rayford immediately exaggerated the angle of descent while depressing the reverse intercom button. He heard Carpathia and Mathews asking after Fortunato, who had clearly taken a tumble. Once the plane was parked, Fortunato burst into the cockpit. “What was that, Officer McCullum?” “My apologies, Commander,” Mac said. “It was out of my hands. All due respect, sir, but you should not have been out of your seat during landing.”

Love that Rayford went from singleminded revenge mode to passive-aggressive driving. Resistance comes in many forms.

Buck Williams sat in the bowels of Teddy Kollek Stadium in Jerusalem with his pregnant wife, Chloe.

What a character introduction

Her bruises and scars were fading, but Chloe still had a severe limp, and her beauty had been turned into a strange cuteness by the unique reshaping of her cheekbone and eye socket.

Immediately we get the weird fascination with women’s pain and suffering

I’m worried about Hattie. I said I wouldn’t leave her unless she improved or became a believer, and she has done neither.”

Mac signaled Rayford not to say anything in the car or either of their rooms.

With hand signals? With a knowing glance? That’s some specific info to signal.

Tens of thousands of such clandestine local house churches, their very existence flying in the face of the all-inclusive Enigma Babylon One World Faith, saw courageous converts added to the church every day.

“Take that, inclusivity culture!”

But after this conference, the entire Tribulation Force, not to mention the 144,000 witnesses and their millions of converts, would become open archenemies of the Antichrist. Their lives would consist of half ministry, half survival.

Internet missives

Tsion informed his audience—and also, of course, Carpathia & Co.—of their itinerary.

Oh no, it’s starting! The travel logistics are here! Flee! Flee for your time’s sake!

Supreme Commander Leon Fortunato had summarily bounced their reservations and several others’ by supremely commandeering the top floor for Nicolae Carpathia and his people.

Hey look, a funny joke! Edit: wow my standards are low. In this book a joke that makes sense registers as funny.

Buck looked back at Ken, who nodded to assure him he had the fragile Chloe in tow.

“the fragile Chloe”

It had to have been God who used the rabbi’s cyber pleas to pull together Israeli witnesses to handle the logistics of this most unlikely conference.

I have to think God would make a really chaotic event planner. Like, he’d get your wedding arranged, but there would be a lot of tests of your faith involved, a million seemingly unrelated steps required, and he would depend entirely on duplicating food to keep catering costs low.

“All you need worry about, Dr. Ben-Judah,” he had been told, “is being prepared to inspire and inform us when you are due at the microphone.”

No pressure

“They’re onto you, Rayford,” Mac said over pita bread and sauce.

I am addicted to lines like this. Pump them straight into my bloodstream.

Mac snorted. “Should have thought of that. You’ve seen the next generation iPhones, right?

I did a double-take at this line. What a weird prediction to have gotten right.

They’re not cheap, but wait till you see what these babies can do. No more laptops or regular cells for you guys. Well, maybe the rabbi still needs a standard keyboard, but these things are solar powered, satellite connected, and contain geographic positioning chips. You can do more than just access the Internet, send and receive, and use them as phones now.”

If only iPhones were solar powered

Rayford looked at Mac with admiration. “You’re not as dumb as you look, old-timer.”

Mac: “Thanks, Ray...”

“Daddy!” she exulted. “Are you here?”

“I can’t wait to meet the witnesses,” Chloe said. “You may not actually meet them,” Tsion cautioned. “These are heavenly beings with their own agenda.

Yeah, Chloe, what made you think you could start having agency this far into the series?!

Buck felt the usual tingle to the soles of his feet.

Buck’s excitement masked his fatigue. He worried about Chloe but would not deny her this privilege.

Gee thanks, Buck, that’s so kind of you

where Eli sat, Indian style,

wtf?

Nicolae seemed to quickly collect himself.

he seemed to, but did he?

You will lift your hocus-pocus or live to regret it.”

Oh man, the antichrist is pulling out the big threats now

Carpathia’s smirk remained, but Buck was convinced he was seething. “We shall see,” he said, “who will win in the end.”

Okay, so Carpathia is aware that he’s evil, and what’s generally going on

“Did you hear that?” Tsion said. Buck nodded. “Incredible!” “I didn’t get it,” Chloe said. “What were they saying?”

Chloe must still be high on pain meds, because she used to be smarter than this. (In actuality, I think the authors have just been writing her worse because she’s married now.)

“That is the first time I ever heard them add ‘and she,’” Tsion said. “That was for you, Chloe.

Distraught over his own future—and income—and fearful of what he might learn about his late wife, Rayford nonetheless enjoyed Ken’s company.

Sometimes you just need an afternoon with your bro to distract you from your dead, possibly evil, second wife

Rayford and Ken spent hours in the air on the way home bringing each other up to date on their pasts, and Rayford silently thanked God for a new friend. His relationship with Tsion was as student to mentor. To Buck he was the father-in-law. How he missed Bruce Barnes, his first friend and spiritual guide after the Rapture! Ken seemed a gift from God.

And they’re all straight. Emphatically, definitely straight. You got that, reader?

So, three pilots, a doc, and a rabbi—sounds like the start of a joke. The only member without a specialty is your daughter, and she’s what I call the voice of reason.

Chloe’s specialty is being the mother, because she’s the only woman left, and, as Buck reminds us every time he looks at her, only has half her beauty left.

“Hot dog!” Ritz said, clapping. “I don’t like bein’ on the defensive, man! Let’s take on that rascal!” Rayford had never heard Nicolae referred to as a rascal, but he liked Ritz’s attitude. Weary and wary after so long in Carpathia’s orbit, he too longed to quit playing and get to war.

Ken is the only person in our group of heroes who wants to be an active character

Buck’s Range Rover

One of the main characters returns!

Ritz introduced Ernie to Rayford, who remained guarded until Ritz pulled the young man close and said, “Notice anything?” Ernie stepped toward Rayford and peered at his forehead. Ernie smiled and held his hair away from his face with both hands. Rayford embraced him. “Brother.”

I know he’s showing Rayford the phantom forehead cross, but I imagine this is what gingers do when they first meet. (I know Rayford isn’t ginger.)

Ernie here’s a Ben-Judah groupie.”

in the amazingly smooth-running Rover.

The block is deserted; the roads, as you saw, nearly impassable. So far, this has been a perfect spot. You wanna see Donny’s wife’s grave?”

Sudden veer in the small talk

“This here’s Rayford Steele. I was about to show him the grave.” “Of the woman neither of us ever met, but I suppose you did, Captain.” Rayford shook his head. “Knew who she was is all.

I don’t think we even knew her, but I guess the scene is taking a detour to her grave.

Dr. Charles shook his head. “I’m not optimistic. The backup at CDC in Atlanta is ridiculous. She and I both have a hunch that what’s in her system was put there by the GC. If they ever get to the sample I sent, they’ll disavow it or steer me wrong.”

Hoo boy, nothing like casting doubt on medical institutions in your evangelical pulp series. Nothing bad could ever come from that...

Rayford felt deep gratitude that the Tribulation Force was headquartered in what was once this woman’s home.

Donnie’s house has had more of an impact on the story than his wife

Nothing was predictable anymore, save for the judgments from heaven meticulously outlined on Tsion’s scriptural charts. Who would survive and for how long was all in God’s control and timing.

This statement is accurate. The plot is completely wild and unpredictable aside from the meticulous prophetic outline we’re slavishly following. And I guess the role of women in these books is also very predictable.

Rayford had heard death-rattle breathing before, but the emaciated frame of his former coworker, friend, and object of flirtation strangely moved him. Rayford stood over Hattie, pitying her, hoping for her, praying for her. He wanted to know what she knew about Amanda, of course, but he was not so selfish as to wish she would stay alive only long enough to communicate that.

Yep, there it is, right on time! And with that, I present the first AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH of the book.

“I plead with her all the time,” the doctor said. “She’s stubborn. Waiting for something. I don’t know. I’m at a loss.”

Stop harassing the dying woman to join your religion — you are a professional doctor, this is so unethical

Rayford turned to head upstairs and stopped. “How about you, Doc? Having trouble sleeping?” “I told you, I don’t use sleeping pills.” “That’s not what I asked.” Dr. Charles looked down and shook his head. “How’d you guess?” “You look wasted, sorry to say.” Floyd nodded without expression. “You want to talk?” Rayford said. “You’re tired.” “Hey, Doc, the way I understand it, when you leave the hospital, you’re going to join us. We’re like family. I make time for family.”

Found my next couple to ship!

“Look at me, Doc. I’m one of the charter members, and here I am without income.”

Considering the way leftist policies have been wielded by the actual Antichrist in previous books, I’m shocked Rayford isn’t being chastised or self-admonishing himself for being a burden on their new cult

He was one long-legged babysitter.

It’s funnier if I don’t provide context

“I am aware that you have pitted yourself against my friend and argued with him publicly via the Internet.

~~ Me, reading the comments of any YouTube video

“A place on the program!” Chloe said. “Impossible! The stadium will be full of Jewish converts who are convinced Nicolae is Antichrist himself.” “Oh, sweetheart,” Chaim said, smiling at her. “Nicolae Carpathia? He seeks world peace, disarmament, global unity.” “My point exactly.”