The Left Behind Complete Set, Series 1-12

by Tim LaHaye

“Bruce offered me a job today,” Chloe said. “You’re kidding,” Rayford said. “What?” “Something right up my alley. Study, research, preparation, teaching.” “Where? What?” “At the church. He wants to ‘multiply his ministry.’”

Bruce, we need to work on the wording of your pitch...

Chloe squinted as if trying to decide whether to be available.

“as if”

Buck was certain Rayford Steele would have told his daughter who was calling.

Narrator, we’re like a third of the way through the book. You can stop using full names for our protagonist outside of dialogue.

her hello sounded flat, and did not include his name, so he felt obligated to identify himself.

Another useless line that should have been scrapped

“We’re all in this together,” Bruce said.

The closest my imaginary HSM/Left Behind crossover will ever get to being real

“Meanwhile,” Rayford said, “let me bounce something else off you. How do you feel about romance during this point of history?”

"So Mark, how is your sex life?"

This was as self-revelatory as Bruce had been since telling his own story of having missed the Rapture, and Rayford was stunned that he had been the one to instigate it.

That is the thought of a man wishing he hadn't asked

Apparently this was where the former pastor had stored his less frequently used reference works. There appeared to be dozens of books on esoteric Old Testament themes. Buck leafed through a few of them, finding them dry.

To steal a phrase from Garth Marenghi, "I know writers who use subtext, and they're all cowards."

What a treasure Bruce had lost! His wife was pleasant looking and plump, with a weary but genuine smile.

Why do all the female characters get these back-handed compliments from the narration?

And Irene. It was the first picture of her he had seen. She looked bright and cheery, and if you could believe the faddish study of photo-psychology, she appeared more devoted to her husband than he did to her. Her body leaned toward him. He sat rigid, straight up.

You can scrap the whole line about photo psychology, because readers are smart enough to understand the description of their postures.

Buck flipped to the legend, which explained that an asterisk indicated a church member. The rest, he assumed, were mere attenders.

I think you mean pretenders. *puts on sunglasses* *CSI: Miami opening starts*

next to Rayford’s and Buck’s and Bruce’s.

Do you think LaHaye ever regretted naming two of his protagonists Buck and Bruce?

She had been crying, and her face was red and blotchy. He ached to reconnect with her. Something told him this was not just a mood, a part of her personality he would have to get used to. Something specific was plainly wrong,

What a dick! That's his first thought when he sees a woman who's been crying?

Chloe sat with her arms and legs crossed, her top leg swinging.

A strange image, but dynamic

“Um-hm,” she said. Buck opened it to the Bs and showed her Bruce’s and Dr. Billings’s families.

So many B's

“Any of you hear the news about the two witnesses in Jerusalem today?” Buck shook his head, and Rayford did the same. Chloe did not respond. She was not taking notes either or asking any questions. “A reporter said that a little band of a half dozen thugs tried to charge the two, but they all wound up burned to death.”

Once again, would have super cool if we had a character there to see all this. Oh well! We have more interesting things to worry about, like how long it will take for Buck and Chloe to get together.

And if anyone wants to harm them, fire proceeds from their mouth and devours their enemies. And if anyone wants to harm them, he must be killed in this manner.’” “They breathed fire on them like dragons?” “It’s right here in the book,” Bruce said. “I’d like to see that on CNN,” Buck said.

That sounds nuts! More of that, please. I would be so much more entertained if we hopped over to two old Jewish men going Dracarys in the streets of Jerusalem.

There was something about the dramatic invasion of God into humankind and into himself specifically that had changed the way he thought. From being a man who had to have everything documented, he suddenly found himself believing without question the most ludicrous news accounts, as long as they were corroborated by Scripture. And the opposite was also true: He believed everything in the Bible. Sooner or later the news would carry the same story.

And that news network will be Fox News

Rayford wished he could shush his own daughter, but she was an adult. If she wanted to press an issue, regardless of how she came across, that was her prerogative.

You're making it very hard to like Rayford, LaHaye

“You’re the second person who’s asked me that today,” Bruce said. “We must be lonely people.” Chloe snorted, then scowled at Buck.

Why no paragraph break here, when the speaker changes?

“Talk about how we’re supposed to live, now that we call ourselves followers of Christ. You know, like morals and sex and all of that.”

One of my favorite lines in this series so far

The three men prayed, and the meeting ended awkwardly, none of them wanting to talk, as Nicolae Carpathia had put it, about the elephant in the room.

Ayyyy! Tim learned about reincorporation. Well done my boy.

He changed out of his traveling clothes and into hiking boots, khakis, denim shirt, and leather jacket.

You know, comfort clothes

“Rayford, is she standing right there?” “That’s correct.” “Do you have any idea what her problem is?” “Not totally.” “I want to get to the bottom of it,” Buck said. “I concur with that.” “I mean tonight.” “Affirmative. Absolutely. You can try her again tomorrow.” “Rayford, are you telling me it’s all right for me to come there right now?” “Yes, you’re right. I can’t promise she’ll be here, but try again tomorrow.” “So if I came there right now, I would not be offending you.” “Not at all. We’ll expect your call tomorrow then.” “I’m on my way.” “OK, Buck. Talk to you then.” Rayford didn’t like deceiving Chloe. It was almost like lying. But he had enjoyed the coded banter with Buck.

That was barely coded

“You go to her right now, find her, and put the ball in her court. She can walk away from you once, but if she sends you away when you’re coming after her, then you’ll know she’s serious. She may not know her own mind, but down deep, if I know women, I know she’d rather you pursue her than let her run.”

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

need to talk to you!” Buck said. “Not tonight.” “Yes, tonight,” he said. “I’m not leaving till you talk to me.” “You’re not?” she said. “No, I’m not.” Chloe called his bluff. The porch light went out, and he heard her trotting up the stairs.

Ha!

Chloe sat with her feet tucked under her, arms crossed, as if granting him an extremely reluctant audience. Buck draped his jacket across an easy chair and slid the footstool in front of Chloe. He sat there, staring at her, as if trying to think of where to begin.

"as if" strikes twice in one paragraph

Buck was at a loss. They seemed to be on different pages, and he wasn’t even sure it was the same script.

Hey, a rare good line. A little noire, but I dig it.

For once, Chloe was silent.

Ughhh, way to leave a sour taste in my mouth at the final line of the chapter

Buck spread his hands before him. “Chloe, there’s obviously been a lack of communication here.” “Obviously.”

8 chapters’ worth

Buck was deflated and thought of giving up, but he decided she was worth it. Misguided, jumping to strange conclusions for some reason, but worth it.

I think Buck is the one who isn’t worth it

“So, there it is. It’s not your age that’s the problem, is it? It’s my age.” “Chloe, I’m sorry. The issue was not your age or my age. The issue was the difference in our ages. Then I realized that with only about seven more years ahead of us, that becomes a nonissue.

“Pardon me?” she said. “I’m not allowed to speak?” “That’s not what I’m saying.” “It’s what you just said.” Buck came just short of raising his voice.

“Well, I’d rather not get into that until I think you’re ready to hear it.”

Buck is so condescending.

“OK,” he said. “You’re sorry, and I forgive you. Can that be the end of it?” “That’s just going to make me cry more.”

What doesn’t, Chloe??? What doesn’t?!

“Dad, I was such a fool.” “It was just a comedy of errors, hon, and like Buck said, it only shows how much you cared.”

I am SO glad this subplot is over

So you weren’t the typical college guy?” “You want the truth?” “I don’t know. Do I?” “Depends. Would you rather hear that I have all kinds of experience because I’m such a cool guy, or that I’m a virgin?” “You’re going to tell me whatever I want to hear?” “I’m going to tell you the truth. I just wouldn’t mind knowing in advance which you’d want to hear.” “Experienced or a virgin,” Chloe repeated. “That’s a no-brainer. Definitely the latter.” “Bingo,” Buck said softly, more from embarrassment than from braggadocio. “Wow,” Chloe said. “That’s kind of hard to believe these days.”

My reasons were not as pure as they would be today. I mean, just about everybody I knew was sleeping around, and I didn’t abstain out of any sense of morality. I had opportunities but usually with women I wasn’t that into. I’m not saying I wasn’t tempted or even that I didn’t want to.

Sounds like he’s about to come out of the closet

“You think God was protecting you, even before you were aware of him?” “I never thought of it that way, but it very well could be. I’ve never had to worry about disease and all the emotional stuff that goes with intimate relationships.”

Were STDs a bigger concern in the 90s? I guess there’d just been the AIDS epidemic, so maybe this comment isn’t as weird as it seems now.

“But Buck, what if something comes of our relationship? Aren’t you going to be curious?” “Maybe I’ll ask you then.” “But what if by then you’re already madly in love with me, and you find out something you can’t live with?”

If Buck can’t live with being in a relationship with a woman who has had sex before, that just makes him a bad person. Seriously, nothing wrong with abstaining, but holding another person to that standard is unfair, and frankly antithetical to the forgiving spirit of Christianity.

Buck blushed. “I can interview heads of state, but this kind of frankness is new to me.”

How is a thirty-year-old man living in New York City *this* squeamish when it comes to talking about sex?

Chloe chuckled. “What are the odds that two unmarried people are taking a walk at midnight in America talking about whether or not they’re virgins?”

“Probably not. It just seemed like a good fit. He’s been over there so many times on his beat, and just about anything Israel does can be considered religious, right?”

Why was this character (Jimmy Borland), a journalist covering Israel through the events of the last book and a half, not one of our POV characters???

How dependent is that scientist guy’s—uh, Rosenzweig’s—formula on rain?” “I’m not sure, sir. I know it requires less rain than if you tried to grow without it, but I think there still has to be water from somewhere to make it work.”

“I know it requires less rain than if you tried to grow without it.” — My brain refuses to parse this sentence. LaHaye’s writing is usually redundant or hilariously mis-worded, but still legible. New low.

Did the depths of jealousy know no bounds?

“Wait a minute, Buck. You’re not one of the suckers buying into the prophetic, apocalyptic, all-this-has-been-foretold-in-the-Bible theories, are you?” That’s exactly what I am, Buck thought, but he couldn’t afford to go public yet.

Rayford stood in the living room, too stunned to even sit. He had just flipped on the TV and heard the special news bulletin.

Sounds like another major plot point happened off-page

today comes this announcement that the maiden flight of the new Air Force One will carry Carpathia and not the president himself.”

Ha! Another piece of my prediction fits into place.

CNN ran a DVD.

“Until our current Air Force One becomes Air Force Two,

I don't think Air Forces One and Two can be different models, otherwise it would be obvious which is which.