Playing Big: Practical Wisdom for Women Who Want to Speak Up, Create, and Lead

by Tara Mohr

2. Check for any unnecessary apologies—

Check for any added “a little bit” or “just a minute” or “just a sec” phrases—

Check for any instances of

I making sense?” or “Do you know what I mean?”

Check for any undermining disclaimers: “I’m just thinking off the top

Check for places where you are hiding your point of view behind a question.

Weave in warmth. Include

Add a little humor into your communications

“does this make sense?”)

my sense of how women need to communicate within my organization.

What are some of the strategies for communicating warmth—verbal or nonverbal—that you could see yourself using?

In her late fifties,

I change not through those things but by (1) having a loving-to-myself goal, not a “should” goal or an inner critic–driven goal, and (2) putting in place an abundance of practical supports that make the change truly doable.

Various parts of the brain with different priorities and roles often fire simultaneously,

and which part wins out depends on our innate biology and the specifics of the circumstances, not on an aspect of character called “self-discipline” or “willpower.”

we think we need more self-discipline, we usually need more self-love—not just self-love as an attitude, but self-love manifested through the routines and rituals that we set up to enable the changes we desire to happen naturally and with ease.

Set “gift-goals,” not “should-goals.” 2. Find champions and sources of accountability. 3. See yourself in partnership with a larger force. 4. Create a plan based on your unique strengths and resources. 5. Make it the default. 6. Compassionately investigate when you get stuck.

Gift-goals have a magnetic pull on us because they are an expression of what we truly desire.

when I’m accountable to someone, wow, do I behave differently—consistent

What larger force do you feel would be supportive of—even thrilled about—what you are bringing into the world?

brainstorming all the resources and strengths she had that might help her reenter the workforce.

our behavior is dramatically impacted by what is set up as the default mode—what

compassionate investigation of what is really going on.

What could you bring into your life that would give you huge delight and joy?

what do you really want to create in your life and work?

What larger force for good do you think would applaud what you are doing, be aligned with what you are doing, be on your side?

There’s no such thing as self-discipline! What looks like self-discipline is really a wide array of motivations that result in consistent action.

They change those systems. They call out the failings of the status quo. They bring forward a more enlightened, humane way. And they do this in diverse ways, some making change within existing organizations, others through entrepreneurial ventures, and others through activism or community involvement.

want to transform those systems to make them more just, more compassionate, more sustainable for the planet and for our families. We want to add our ideas, our alternatives, our ways of working. In other words, now that we have more power, we want to use it for good.