Keep Me Never

by Meagan Brandy

For a moment, everything fades away, the noise, the pressure, the questions—gone. All that matters are the two of us and the utter rightness that swells in my chest at the feel of her in my arms.

“I have nothing,” I admit. Shame sweeps in like a hand around my throat, squeezing tighter with every word until my voice comes out even quieter than before. “No money, no plan, and maybe not even a future worth dragging you into. It’s messed up, beyond selfish, really, and I told myself I wouldn’t be that way anymore, but I want you to take a chance on me anyway. To see if I’m worth the risk, even though I’m not so sure I am.” A bitter scoff leaves me, and I swallow hard. “Even though I’m almost positive I’m not.”

“You’re wrong.”

“The only thing I have to offer you is me, and that’s not saying much.”

“I make a lot of mistakes.”

“We all do.”

“I don’t want to make one with you. You ...

“And you are...

“Can I be ...

“That dep...

“On what?”

“If I get to keep you.”

“I might beg you to.” “I might like that.”

There isn’t a moment’s hesitation from her. Paige climbs right up and slides into my arms.

She squeals as my hands grasp her hips, drawing her in, her legs locking around me as I wrap one arm under her ass, the other coming up and pressing against her back to flatten her to me. The need to feel her all over is heavy.

I stare into her big blue eyes, leaning in and using my lips to push he...

“Don’t touch me, Angel. And don’t even think about coming until I say.”

She wants to be good for me. For me. And now all I want is to make sure she never forgets what that means. Finally, I kiss her, but still not softly, and I don’t let her lead.

“Baby, you are like nothing I have ever known before. Don’t hide from me,” I say, voice quiet but steel-edged. “Not this. Not ever. Got it?”

“No. This stays on. I want to make you come with my name all over you,”

I got the girl, and instead of fate following that up with something fucked, I find out my hard work might just pay off.

Maybe this girl, this kindhearted, gorgeous girl, is the exception. The one good thing I’m allowed without the universe’s retaliation.

Maybe, I no longer have to brace for a hit to come. Maybe I really can keep...

I dreamed of this kind of stuff as a kid. Of large gatherings with deep-rooted friendship and family, with noise and food and just…beautiful chaos.

That’s what this group is—the best sort of crazy. The deepest form of friends.

Someone is always laughing or crying, teasing or fighting. They can read the room without a word and instinctiv...

They don’t take no for an answer and live as one. Someone is happy? They’re all happy. Someone is sad, they’re all sad. Someone mad? You better...

My first time witnessing the endless love and support these core five have was when Ari had her accident their freshman year at AU. Every single one of them lived at the hospital with Noah. Brady, Cam, Chase, and of course her twin. At the time, I was still...

Like Payton, I was welcomed into their tight-knit group with open ar...

I want those things. I want a part of him that no one else has ever had. Something that’s only for me. For us. I don’t know what that might be, but I have no doubt we can find it. Maybe not out here, maybe not even tonight. But we will find it; of that I have no doubt.

“You’re so sweet, Angel. I want to dirty you up. I want to make you filthy.”

But it’s his eyes that get me. The way they search mine like he’s seeing straight through me, like whatever he finds there matters more than anything else. And suddenly, I desperately wish it did.

That this man and I are it, the endgame I never thought I’d find.

“I’m happy. Not just in the moment or because of this tonight, but actual happiness. Like my life…”

“Like maybe things are right where they’re supposed to be. Like no matter what happens, everything will be okay. And it has absolutely everything to do with you, Paige.”

“My little guardian angel, sent to me when everything felt wrong to remind me that nothing else matters. Not really,” he breathes. “Not when I can have this. You.”

Gently, carefully, he tucks me against his chest, holding me like I’m the only thing tethering him to this earth. Or maybe I’m the one who feels that way.

Either way, I’m not letting go. I’m going to keep this man.

“Run, baby, let me catch you and I’ll show you how playful I can be.”

Her tongue slips between her teeth and she smiles. She shakes her head like I’m silly, but then she breaks into a sprint.

“I thought some quiet time under the stars with the Certified Negativity Exorcist would be the perfect way to end the night.”

“I love you, Paige.” The words fall out low and jagged, like they’ve been waiting for the right moment to break free, and this is it.

I wish she knew she’s the only thing keeping me tethered right now, that every breath I took after that final whistle was for her.

“I don’t deserve your friendship, Noah, so I don’t know why you keep trying to give it to me.”

He’s trying so hard to be okay. God, it only makes me love him more. Because I do. I love him.

It’s a hug that I hope says I’m still here. I still see you. I’m sorry I can’t be better right now but, but I need you to know you matter to me. You matter more than anything ever has. More than the game I might have lost or the future that graduating college could have awarded.

“I love you, Paige. With my entire heart. Never, ever doubt that.”

“Freedom is the soul’s journey, where love transcends time and space. I will always love you, no matter the distance. I will always be yours, no matter the lifetime. Love, like a butterfly, always finds its way home. You are my home, Angel.”

“I didn’t leave you,” I rush, taking her face in my hands with the gentlest of touch. “I would never, ever leave you. I would die on your doorstep, just waiting for you to let me in if you decided you didn’t want me one day, but I would never fucking leave you. For no one. For nothing. I need you to understand that. You can question any and every move I make in my life, I will welcome it, but please, never ever question my love.”

was trying to protect her. I told her I was never going to walk away from her, and I don’t even know if she believes me.” I close my eyes. “I could never. I need her, Dad. I can’t fucking do this life without her. I don’t want to.”