Keep Me Never

by Meagan Brandy

He can be really hard to read sometimes, and at others, his emotions are right there for all the world to see, even if the reason behind them remains a bit elusive. He is elusive.

The guy who is always there but never quite in reach. It’s almost as if there’s a part of him he keeps hidden from everyone else, and just when you think you might understand, he pulls back and suddenly you aren’t so sure. But there is something alluring about the way he guards himself.

Maybe it’s because I know what it’s like to feel the weight of self-deprecation, now more than ever since my grandfather suddenly lande...

Somehow, it only makes me want to know ...

“I don’t know, you’re like this…pretty little doll, all perfect and poised, always worrying about what other people think or need.”

Paige glances over her shoulder, meeting my gaze with a small smile, and for a second, I just look at her.

Man, she’s really, really pretty. Jesus that sounds like such a dumb word to say. Pretty. She is more than pretty and you know it…

I lock onto a dark-blue sundress and long blond hair, both her pinkies stuck in the edge of her lips.

How could such a tiny thing make such a piercing sound?

Paige smiles, her hands going up and lifting the heart-shaped sunglasses ...

She holds my gaze, amused, and then she claps her h...

It takes a moment, but then a broken chuckle slips free, and I shake my head.

Chase: I’m grateful for you, Paige, maybe even a little more than a friend should be.

Me: Say you’ll come on Tuesday.

Chase: I’ll wear blue.

It would be so easy to peel it from her skin. It would fall in one swoop, puddling around her tiny feet in those sparky black heels…

I’m a little taken aback by how vivid the image is, by how real I want it to be.

I’m not supposed to want he...

She spins then, and something knocks against my ribs once. Twic...

These things I’m feeling, this longing, if that’s what it is, suddenly feels too big to ignore yet too impossible to reach for.

But she’s right here, looking at me like I’m something worth holding on to, and on the inside, warmth is spreading, thawing parts of me that have been cold for too damn long. The strangest part is I actually want to believe what I’m seeing, what I’m feeling. That’s the problem though, isn’t it?

The feeling is a good one, which means it’s not mine to keep. The universe has proved time and time again that the debt of something good must be paid with something ba...

“I’ve been watching the games,” he tells me. “You’re making waves out there.”

“I’m just trying to stay relevant.”

“You’re more than relevant, Chase. Even my teammates are talking about you.”

“Did you tell them I’m really just a dickhead with good hands?”

“Nah.” He laughs again. “No. I told them you’re family.”

I wanted to kiss her. I’ve never wanted to kiss someone so bad in my life, and I think I was about to. It would have been the perfect moment in the perfect place.

A kiss she would remember, even if one day she forgets all about me. But the universe shit on me yet again when Prince Charming fell out of the fucking sky, a not-so-subtle reminder that my life is black and white.

This girl, she makes it hard to remember I’m not supposed to want this, whatever this is.

I told myself I wouldn’t go there, but right now, with her leaning in, laughing like I’m the only one in this room full of many, I don’t know.

I wish I could have a small glimpse into her mind to know if she’s just this kind, shy, gorgeous girl I’ve known the last few years ...

I want to know if, when she looks at me, she sees a man and all his faults or if she ...

I don’t want a way out. I don’t want distance. I don’t want to be the guy who lets her go. I want to be the guy she chooses. The one she looks at and never looks away from.

For the first time, I stop thinking about what I don’t have, what I can’t give her. And I think about her. What she wants. What makes her laugh.

What brings sadness to her eyes and a smile to her lips. The way she’s shared her most precious memor...

The way that she made me this d...

Nothing has ever made me feel like my whole fucking chest is caving in at the thought of someone else taking what should be mine. Because this isn’t just some mistake I can look back on and feel guilty about.

This isn’t just a girl I should have treated better or a friend I shouldn’t have let down. This is her. And I can’t lose her.

It makes no fucking sense but I feel it, deep in my bones. This sort of rightness when she’s near. There’s no stress or worry about all the fucked-up things in my life. It’s just her and me. She makes me feel normal. Better. Worth something.

When I’m with her, my mind doesn’t race with a million thoughts I can’t even make out. There is no pressure or fear. Only calm that settles like fresh mountain air, allowing me to just…breathe.

She is m...

“I didn’t want this,” I admit, my tone shredded, my temples pounding. “I tried so hard to ignore it, to avoid this, but I physically can’t. Not anymore.”

“It’s me, Paige,”

“I’m the lesser man and you fucking wreck me.”

and nothing soft about it. I crush my lips to hers, fist tangling in her long locks. Tugging, turning until her neck is fully stretched, her mouth up and open in offering, and holy shit, does she offer.

Full and complete submission. I didn’t know that’s what I needed from her until...

I want her to feel it—every word I didn’t say, every moment that I stayed quiet when I shouldn’t have.

Every second I pretended I could avoid this—her. Us.

She doesn’t resist, just melts into me like her whole body’s been waiting for this too. Like I am the home it’s been looking for.