You and Me Forever: Marriage in Light of Eternity

by Francis Chan

Eternal-mindedness keeps us from silly arguments. There’s no time to fight. We have better things to pursue than our interests. Too much is at stake! God created us for a purpose. We can’t afford to waste our lives. We can’t afford to waste our marriage by merely pursuing our own happiness.

If we don’t stare at God, we’ll spend our time staring at lesser things. Namely, ourselves.

And the answer to sin is still the same: Fear God. Love for your family is not always enough to protect your family from your own wickedness. It’s a deep-rooted knowledge that a holy God is watching that will steer you from evil during the most alluring temptations.

Sincere and concentrated prayer will do infinitely more than any human strategy for a happy marriage.

Marriage is one of the most humbling, sanctifying journeys you will ever be a part of. It forces us to wrestle with our selfishness and pride. But it also gives us a platform to display love and commitment.

God takes center stage in every story of Scripture. He is the Creator of life, the Judge, and the Savior. So while the Bible does talk about marriage, let’s be careful not to use the Bible just to find helpful tips on marriage. There is a much, much bigger picture.

Draw close to Him and let your marriage be the overflow of that. When things are right with God, your marriage can actually become what it was designed to be. Peace comes when both parties come to an agreement. Agree on God—agree on His holiness and the supremacy He deserves in your lives.

My point in all of this is to insist that there’s more at stake in your marriage than just your marriage. The beauty of the gospel is at stake.

You may not feel like being Christ-like, but you have been called to it.

Arguments escalate when we want to be right more than we want to be Christ. It is easy to get blinded in the heat of disagreements. Soon, all we want is to win, even if victory requires sin. The one who wins the argument is usually the one who acts less like Christ.

If my desire is to display the humility of Christ, I need constant input from the Scriptures to do so. I am so weak that I must keep my eyes on His example, and pray constantly for the Spirit to enable me to live for Him.

33). Being in war together is what keeps us from being at war with each other.

Get in the battle, take some risks, and you will experience Him too.

Does your marriage make sense in light of the existence of hell? Does your use of time and money make sense in light of the suffering in the world today?

To be able to make a statement like this at the end of your life—what more could you want? Is your life heading in this direction?

Unity is the natural result of two people following one Spirit in a life devoted to the mission.

backwards—what can I do today to ensure that my story ends that way?

God guarantees these rewards, and He loves it when we pursue them. So we should go through life joyfully resisting temptations, sharing the gospel, and sacrificing for the poor, knowing that future rewards far outweigh any suffering.

Stare at the unseen. The eternal. Don’t become blinded by the transient.

If you’d rather watch your kids grow up than see the face of your Savior today, you don’t grasp the beauty of God.

There’s always something immediate and attractive that keeps us from anticipating heaven.

It is His very nature to be faithful. There are a couple of things that God cannot do: He cannot stop being faithful; He cannot lie. So rest and rejoice in His promises.

If that is the case, we can be confident that as we sow to the Spirit in our marriages, we will reap spiritual blessings in our marriages.

Jesus went away from the crowds many times to speak to His Father alone. Who are we to think we can function without it?

When something feels “off” between Francis and me, I have learned to examine my walk with God first.

So much of what we need in our spiritual lives is gained through “wrestling” with God in prayer and through “waiting upon the Lord” and learning to recognize His voice.

It could be that you are so relationally “needy” because you have neglected your spiritual needs.

You will never find true, lasting joy in someone or something. Marriage is not the source of joy, though many of us assume that it is. Joy is something we bring into our marriages because we are being filled with joy in our walk with God, and because we are confident of His promises.

now. It’s not that we shouldn’t pay attention to obvious problems before us, but we need to look at them with an eternal lens. And we can’t let anything rob us of our joy.

Leaders cater to people rather than teaching them to be caterers. This makes them over-dependent. So when they’re left on their own, they fail.

They don’t need just another friend. They need an authority figure, an example, something their buddies can’t offer them.

Lisa and I want to raise children who love Jesus far more than they love us. We want them to trust Him more than us, to enjoy Him more than us, to find more security in Him than in us. And we are convinced that the best way to teach this is to demonstrate it. We have to make it clear to our children that we love God more than we love them.

They aren’t blind to our affections nor to our lack of prayer and worship. Kids know when we fake it.

What’s nice is that if your kids truly love Jesus, they will truly love you. It’s guaranteed. I have yet to find a person who loves Jesus who is not deeply grateful for parents who “truly lived it out.”

In addition to being a godly example, God asks us to be the ones who teach our children about Him. Sadly, most parents neglect this responsibility and assume their Sunday school teachers and youth group leaders have this covered. While it’s wonderful to have additional support, it doesn’t change the fact that God commands parents to teach their children to love God and His commands (Deut. 6:4–8).

They need to know from an early age that mom and dad can’t control life, and neither can they. All things are in His hands.

Our kids must be taught and shown that the world does not revolve around them—it revolves around Jesus. We live for Him.

Good parenting can curb that mindset at an early age.

Prayer is sacred in our house because God is sacred. No one is allowed to disrespect God in our house. Our kids know that they are not to disturb mom or dad when they are talking to God because He is more important than they are.

While we try to speak about God throughout the day, we have found that bedtime is probably the best time for conversation. Our kids always prefer to talk rather than go to bed, so we take advantage of it. We listen to their stories about the day and we use every opportunity to remind them that God should be central in all that they do.

I have never allowed any of my children to speak disrespectfully to Lisa or myself.

As a dad, my job is to paint a picture of God by the way I act. Since we do not worship a weak God who permits disrespect, I refuse to be a weak dad who allows his kids to talk back. Children who grow up ruling the house will soon find themselves questioning God’s right to give commands that go against how they think or feel. Those who grow up in a home where loving leadership is exemplified are not guaranteed to respect God, but at least they know how it would look.

If the Spirit is not in them, then all of our parenting will amount to nothing more than behavior modification. Without the Spirit, our children are bound to rebel. But the Spirit of God changes everything. If He is working within our children, then we can trust Him to be working when and how He sees fit.

The salvation of my children is my most heart-felt prayer request.

The goal is to transition our children from total dependence on us to total dependence on Him. Our job is to teach them how to follow their true Father, their true Master. Then we let go because we have returned them to their rightful Owner. Entrusting our children to God’s care shows our trust in God; continually clinging to our control over them shows the opposite.

Continue to live in such a way that your kids cannot deny the presence of God in your life, even if they don’t want Him for themselves.

As Christian parents, we have responsibilities in light of the gospel regardless of how our children respond. As God rules the earth, we must lead our homes. As God is free to punish and reward, we must prayerfully punish and reward our children in a way that glorifies God. As God forgives, we must demonstrate His forgiveness when our kids sin. As God has shown unconditional love, we must sacrifice for our children regardless of their actions. They must see the gospel brought to life when they observe our parenting. We strive to demonstrate a beautiful picture of Christ in hopes that they will find Him attractive and give their lives to knowing Him.

We have constantly shared our home with others in need of a place to live.

There were times when it was a major inconvenience, but we sought to be hospitable and love as Christ loved.

Because of how frequently they experienced it growing up, I would be really surprised if my kids don’t open their homes to those in need when they’re living on their own.