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“You can sleep,” I whispered, stroking her cheek. “I’ll stay right here and keep the monsters away.”
AHHHHHHHH FML
Reaching up, I brushed another rogue tear from her cheek before quickly swiping one from mine. “I won’t let anything hurt you.” Whether it was the right thing to say or not, I said it.
“And I’m always going to love you, Lizzie Young.” I pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. “No matter what.” When I moved to pull back, I felt her tug on my shirt, pulling me closer, bringing me back to her. Calling me home.
“Can you please not talk to me like I’m dull of comprehension?” I asked them, unable to conceal the bite in my tone. “I’m young, I accept that, but I happen to possess the ability to grasp sensitive topics.”
“Liz, lover boy’s here for your daily visit,” I bit my lip and smiled. Because if I had a hope of being normal, then I had to fight for it. And I would. For him.
“I said I’m sorry!” Caoimhe screamed, and the sound of a chair scraping on tiles filled my ears. “But I had to go, Dad, I was running out of time—” “Don’t you dare say it!” her father roared. “I’m already fully aware why he took you over on the boat to England. I don’t need you verbalizing my worst fucking nightmare out loud!”
Alright these parents are actually horrible
“Go!” Caoimhe screamed, throwing her pillow at me as I went. “And do us all a f-favor and d-don’t come back!”
I hate her
“Liz.” The way he said my name caused a shiver to roll down my spine. Like he knew me. Like I was his. Like I belonged entirely to him.
Nope, it was clear to my poor, fickle heart that only one person could pull the strings of my heart like this. Hugh Biggs.
That was a problem I had: obsessing over things I loved the most. It wasn’t something I had control over. When I felt things, I felt them with every part of my heart. When I was sad or cross, it was the same. I couldn’t be steady or still in myself. I felt the full wrath of my emotions at any given chance.
“‘Silver Springs’?” Grinning, I nodded. “You remembered.” Hugh winked. “I remember everything about you, Liz.”
“You know I love you, right?” “Right.” “I’m just…I’m having a bit of a problem with loving you too much.”
Keeping his eyes on me, he turned it over and pressed a kiss to the scars covering my wrist. My breath caught in my throat, and I thought my heart might burst. Shivering violently, I watched him kiss my shame away. Because those scars on my wrists depicted the ugliest parts of my mind. But Hugh kissed each one like they were beautiful. Like I was beautiful. Like I was still me.
I nodded eagerly. “Always.” “Oh, thank God,” Hugh replied, heaving out a huge, audible breath. “Because I’ve been wanting to ask you to be my girlfriend since 1994, and I don’t think I can hold it in another day.” “I’ve been waiting to say yes since 1994,” I laughed, bursting with excitement.
“True,” he replied in a thoughtful tone, clearly weighing up both options. “But you can’t beat a redhead with a perky rack.” “Now you’re being mental,” I argued back, eyeballing him. “Sharon Stone, lad. Sharon fucking Stone.” I held my hands up for emphasis. “Come on, Feely, you have to admit the blond wins every time.”
Katie and LIZZIE
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, leaning heavily against me on the staircase. “I ruined our last day together.” “Today isn’t our last day together,” I replied, taking all her weight as I led her back to her room. “We have eighty years’ worth of tomorrows to spend together.”
“I don’t want to be alive without you.” “Don’t say that, Liz,” I warned, feeling my heart crack clean open in my chest. “Don’t you ever say that again.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “It’s the truth.” “If anything ever happened to you, it would destroy me,” I admitted, unable to make the tremble in my voice. “You are my whole world, Lizzie Young, so don’t you dare talk about not being alive.”
Moments later, the front door slammed, and the screaming grew louder, following by heavy footsteps on the stairs. “Let’s just go on the holiday and we can talk about it when we get back,” I heard Mark say. “Are you completely mental?” That was Caoimhe. “I’m not going anywhere with you, you fucking pedophile!”
I actually fucking hate her. Why wouldnt you call the fucking COPPPSSS
“Mark’s over at Old Hall House with Lizzie, talking to the Gardaí.”
GET HER AWAY FROM HIM
“She’s a child, you monster. She’s a fucking baby and you put a baby inside her…”
No bc she fuckin knewand now im gonna get pissed
I didn’t want to come off like an insensitive asshole, but Liz couldn’t survive without food, and her parents were too consumed in grief to take the reins. Enter Hugh.
“You know you’re unstable, don’t you?” he said then in a sad tone. “Your mother can’t escape death forever. One of these days, it’s going to catch up with her,” he told me. “And when she dies, you’ll be alone, with no sister or mother to love you.”
Fuck. Him.
“Tell them, please tell them,” Lizzie cried out, staggering toward Gibsie of all people. “You know.” She dropped to her knees in front of him and grabbed his hands. “I know you know, Gibs. I helped you. I did. I helped you, and now you have to help me
SAD
Lizzie released one more gut-wrenching sob before looking Gibs right in the eyes and saying, “Don’t ever speak to me again.” It was at that exact moment I came to the sudden realization that nothing would ever be the same.
My thoughts were muddled, and I tried so hard to make it all make sense, but all my efforts of explaining came out as a jumbled mess of frantic pleas and frenzied accusations that nobody seemed to take seriously.
“How do I feel?” “Honestly?” “Always.” “You burn me,” I admitted, stroking her cheek. “In the best possible way imaginable.”
“I need you here, Liz,” I croaked out. “I need you.” “You don’t need me, Hugh,” she replied sadly. “You want me, but you won’t always feel that way.”
Even in sleep, she cried for all she had lost, and it broke my fucking heart. With her cheek pressed to my chest and her hands fisting my shirt, Liz clung to me like I was her last lingering lifeline, and sometimes, I thought I might be.
“You’re beautiful.” I wasn’t. I was filthy. Inside and out. I wanted to tell him just that, but when I opened my mouth, all that came out was a broken sob.
My heart
“I’m going to be with you, Liz,” he added, voice taking on a gruff tone. “When you open your eyes in the morning, my face is the first thing you’re going to see. All day, every day, and every fucking night if I get my way, until school starts in September. Because you are more important to me than anything else in my life. And because there’s nowhere else that I would rather be than right there with you.” I knew I was crying by the time he finished speaking.
Every night without fail, Liz would wake in a panicked state, and every night without fail, nobody would come to check on her. It didn’t matter how loud she screamed or how frantic she became; she was left alone with her demons.
Wtf
“I’m not interested in your sloppy seconds, lad,” Pierce laughed. “Although, I would absolutely make an exception for that girlfriend of yours.” Waggling his brows, he teased, “Be sure to pass her over when you’re done.”
Puke
When Hugh kissed me, it wasn’t like anything I’d experienced before or since. He was loving me with his mouth. Expressing his feelings with every flick of his tongue. It was deep. It was all-consuming. Like I was the sole recipient of his time, focus, heart, and affection.
“Thanks for staying with me tonight. It means everything to me.” “And you mean everything to me,” I reminded her, stroking her arm with the one I had draped over her. “Besides, we’ve rang in every new year together since 1994, and I have no plans for breaking the tradition.”
“Has anyone ever touched you inappropriately?” “No.” “What about when you were little?” “No.” “Are you sure about that, Lizzie?” “Yes.”
TELL THEM LIZZIE
“I wish I could get you to understand.” “Then tell me,” he urged. “I’m here, Liz. I’m always listening.” I knew he was, and that broke my heart a little bit more because I didn’t want him to see and run. To turn away from me. To think I was dirty and tainted. Because I was supposed to be his. I belonged to him, but a part of me had been stolen. And I needed him to put it back for me.
It wasn’t right how much both of my parents had relied on Hugh in the past two and a half years, but he never complained. Worse was my inability to function without him, but again, my boyfriend never faltered or shied away, and I knew with absolute certainty that the salvageable parts of my body, heart, and mind would forever belong to him.
I was nowhere near good enough for this boy, nor did I deserve the patience he extended to me, but I desperately tried to be.
The worst thing by far was hearing that not only did I tie a horse rein around my neck and throw myself off the upper loft in the haybarn, but Hugh broke his elbow when he fell over the ledge trying to cut me down. He did end up cutting me down and saving my life that day, and he never once held it against me, but I did.
Holy.shit
After that, I came back to life, but I was tortured by the mistakes I had made when I was high. Worst of all, I only had myself to blame for my actions and my dad was more than willing to tell me just that.
Like joey
“She wants me.” “Yeah, Hugh, that’s generally how it goes when you’re in a relationship.” “No.” I turned to look at him again. “I mean she wants me wants me.” “Relax, will ya?” Feely laughed, patting my shoulder. “You have the self-control of a eunuch monk.”
Love feely
“He knows you’re the only blond allowed to get naked in my bed.” “Yeah right,” I snorted, reaching over to pat his shoulder. “If I were naked in your bed, you’d throw holy water on me and cart me off to confession.”
The familiar feeling of filth and unease was replaced with a desperate yearning. His hands were on my body, pulling me closer, and the feel of him, so strong and warm and real, breathed life into my fractured soul. I was broken inside, truly rotten to the core, but I felt my redemption in his kiss.
“What I feel for you exceeds anything the realm of love could conjure up,” he told me, eyes full of something I couldn’t quite decipher in my drunken state.
“Don’t regret me, Hugh,” I said quietly. “Never,” he vowed, embracing me with tenderness. “You’re the only part of my life I can’t plan for.” He pressed a kiss to my lips. “And the only part I can’t live without.”
I didn’t move a muscle, momentarily captivated by the raw beauty of this ethereal creature, while a swell of sympathy washed over me. We were so very similar, this deer and me. We were both prey.
Which begged the question, how could Johnny relate to what I was going through with Liz? How could he understand that a girl came before rugby for me? He couldn’t. Maybe one day, a girl would walk into his world and bring him to his knees, like Liz did to me, but until that day came, it was easier to say nothing.
She will
“Get naked,” I purred, flicking open the buttons of my school shirt. “Now.” “Oh, no, no, no,” my boyfriend warned, holding a hand up. “Cover those tits, witch. We’re not going there right now.”
Lmao
“But you’re mine, aren’t you?” I kissed him again. “And I’m yours.” “Then fucking act like it,” Hugh finally snapped, snaking an arm around my waist. “Because I won’t tolerate the kind of bullshit I saw back there.” Reaching up, he smoothed the hair off my face and then forced me to look at him. “Do you hear me? If you betray me, there’s no coming back from it. Not for me. Bipolar or not.” “I didn’t betray you,” I breathed. “I love you.”
Theres no coming back he says
“Because I’m afraid.” “Of what?” “Of you, Liz. I’m afraid of you!” “So you’re afraid to fuck me because you’re afraid of me?” “No, Liz, I’m afraid to fuck you because I don’t know which version of you I’d be fucking!”
