Releasing 10 (Boys of Tommen, #6)

by Chloe Walsh

“I’m just so sorry that I haven’t been able to protect you from this.” “Mam, you have nothing to be sorry about.” Reaching across the console, I snatched up her hand in mine. “You’ve gone over and above for us every day of our lives.” I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze. “Claire and I couldn’t ask for a better mother.” Her eyes were glassy from the tears I knew she would never spill in front of me or my sister. Because she saved those up for when she was in the bath and thought no one could hear her. I heard her, though. Every night.

“How did you grow up so fast?” Smiling sadly, she reached up and cupped my cheek. “My baby boy isn’t a baby anymore.” “I don’t know what to say, Mam,” I replied with a shrug. “Raise a man, expect a man.” A smile ghosted my lips before adding, “But if you need a baby boy, I reckon you have another three years with Gibs before he cops on.” That made her laugh, and I was glad, because I didn’t want to see my mother upset. This was the woman who gave me life. I would rather be raked over hot coals than cause her distress.

Kicking off my shoes, I moved straight for her bed, not stopping until I was lying on my side, facing her. Her eyes were open, but they were dull and lifeless. “Hey.” Smoothing her hair back, I rested my palm on her cheek and whispered, “I’m here, Liz.” Her hand shot out to fist my shirt, but she made no move to speak. She didn’t even blink. She just continued to stare right through me. It was like a part of Liz knew I was here, but that part was trapped inside a frozen cage. “It’s okay.” Shifting closer, I nuzzled her nose with mine before resting my brow against hers. “I hear you, Liz.” She was breathing—I could see her chest rise and fall—but she wasn’t here. Every now and then, a single tear would trickle down her cheek. I made it my personal mission to wipe each one. “You can sleep,” I whispered, stroking her cheek. “I’ll stay right here and keep the monsters away.”

Reaching up, I brushed another rogue tear from her cheek before quickly swiping one from mine. “I won’t let anything hurt you.” Whether it was the right thing to say or not, I said it. “Because you’re my best friend in the whole wide world.” Sniffling, I cupped her cheek again and leaned in close. “And I’m always going to love you, Lizzie Young.” I pressed a kiss to the tip of her nose. “No matter what.”

When I moved to pull back, I felt her tug on my shirt, pulling me closer, bringing me back to her. Calling me home. “Hugh,” she managed to say, though her voice seemed slurred. “Yeah, Liz.” I wiped another tear from her cheek. “It’s me.” “Hugh.” Finally blinking, she opened her eyes and tried to locate my face. “I love you, too.”

“I’m sorry.” “For what?” “Not sure.” Liz tried to shake her head. “Just am.” “Well, I am sure, Liz,” I told her, feeling my heart shattering into a thousand pieces. “I’m sure that you’re good and kind and the most amazing girl I’ve ever met.” Swallowing down my emotions, I smoothed a hand over her hair and leaned in close to whisper, “You are all of the good things in the world and none of the bad. You won’t feel this way forever. Okay? You’re going to feel better again.”

“I’m bipolar.” “Bipolar?” I croaked back. “What do you mean you’re bipolar, Liz?” “Mm-hmm.” “Is that what they diagnosed you with?” I asked, feeling beyond concerned for my friend, while I worked frantically to register the word bipolar and bring what information I had on the matter to the forefront of my mind. “Liz?” Sitting straight up, I took her hand in mine, feeling a million complicated emotions crash through me all at once. “Did the doctors say you’re bipolar?” “Mm-hmm.” “Liz.” At a complete loss, I stared down at the girl I’d spent most of my childhood adoring and croaked out, “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Too scared,” she mumbled, squeezing my hand. “You’d leave.” “I wouldn’t leave,” I strangled, chest heaving, as I tried to make sense of all I’d learned in such a short space of time. “I won’t leave,” I quickly clarified, heart thundering violently. “I’m not leaving.”

Bewildered by the complex emotions I had for this girl, I took her hand in mine and kissed the back of it. I had no idea why I did it, only that I needed to. “I’m staying, okay?” I kissed her hand again. “No matter what.” “I need you.” “I know.” Nodding, I cradled her hand to my cheek, needing to feel her touch. “I need you, too.” “So tired.” With her eyes still closed, she nodded sluggishly before mumbling, “Please stay.” “I am staying,” I promised, attention flicking to her hand I was still holding. “Right here.”

Turning it over, I stared in horror at the deep welts on her wrist. “Brian didn’t do that to your wrist, did he, Liz?” Nothing. “Liz,” I said, a little sterner now, attention still riveted to her wrist. Beneath the fresh cuts were older scars. Deep scars. Ones I’d never noticed before bec...

“Don’t go,” was all she replied, and it was a barely coherent mumbled slur. “He gets me when you’re not here.” “It’s okay, Liz. You can sleep,” I whispered, resigned to the fact that I wasn’t getting answers tonight. She was too out of it. “I won’t let the monster get you.” Trembling, I blinked back the tears filling my eyes because I knew this was bad. “Or the scary lady.” “No matt...

Of all the things in life I could depend on, it was the doctors’ inability to fix me. Because they didn’t listen. They didn’t ask the right questions. They didn’t believe me. So I stopped believing in them.

if they wouldn’t explain what was happening to Liz, I would figure it out myself. Taking matters into my own hands, I hit the public library after school the following day. Scouring the nonfiction section, I combed through every medical textbook I could get my hands on. Because my membership stated I was under sixteen, I wasn’t permitted to take any of the medical textbooks home. Therefore, I returned to the library after swim practice and rugby training the following weekend, where I photocopied every passage correlating to early-onset bipolar.

Determined to prove to my best friend that I had no intention of disappearing from her life, I got off the school bus at her stop every day to visit with her.

While it was nice that Catherine and Mike were warming up to the idea that Liz could have friends who knew about her illness and didn’t bolt, my visits weren’t for their benefit. I was solely focused on their daughter.

“Are my eyes deceiving me, or is that Lizzie Young I see?” I called out when I spied her leaning against the metal gates. Lizzie laughed and I swear, it was the best sound I’d ever heard. She raised her hand to wave and called out “hey,” while I jogged the rest of the way. “Well, shit, it is Lizzie Young,” I teased, slipping through the pedestrian gate. Letting my schoolbag fall from my shoulder, I fisted the front of her flannel shirt and pulled her in for a hug. “There’s my girl.” “Yep.” Her arms came around my waist and she pressed her body to mine tightly. “Here I am.” And then she did something so incredibly Lizzie-like that I knew I had my friend back. She sniffed me.

When I climbed on the bus after school on Wednesday, I didn’t bother trying to conceal the way my eyes sought her out. The minute I found Liz halfway down the aisle, on the right-hand side, I made a beeline for her. Tossing my bag on the floor between the seats, I dropped into the seat beside her and draped an arm over her shoulders. “Happy birthday, Liz.” Feeling brave, I pressed a kiss to her cheek and then dutifully ignored the wolf whistles and teasing from my classmates.

“I said I’m sorry!” Caoimhe screamed, and the sound of a chair scraping on tiles filled my ears. “But I had to go, Dad, I was running out of time—” “Don’t you dare say it!” her father roared. “I’m already fully aware why he took you over on the boat to England. I don’t need you verbalizing my worst fucking nightmare out loud!”

damn she was pregnant 😭

“Do you think she might have taken the boat over to England because she was pregnant”—pausing, I lowered my voice to a whisper before saying—“and now she’s not?” While it wasn’t something anyone dared to speak about out loud, everyone in Ireland knew why girls took unexpected boat trips to England, and it wasn’t to take in the sights.

For the first time in eleven years, I wasn’t the sole cause of our family dysfunction. My sister had screwed up so colossally that she managed to make me look like the good one, something I’d never been accused of before.

“Hugh,” Sinead said in a warning tone, eyeing us warily. “No funny business, ya hear?” Too late. Her son was already in the water with his arms outstretched toward me. I didn’t hesitate. Not for a second. Releasing a squeal of excitement, I clambered over the side of the boat and dropped into the water. “Oh my God,” I yelped, momentarily startled when my body registered the frigid temperature. “It’s so cold.” Hugh’s arms came around me instantly. “I’ve got you.”

“Hugh, you know how dangerous the water can be,” Sinead called back. “And Lizzie’s not as strong a swimmer as you.” “I know,” he replied, as we drifted farther away. “And you know I won’t let anything happen to her.” “I can’t touch the ground, Hugh.” I knew I was floating, my life jacket assured me of that, but I had never been out of my depth like this before. “What if I float away?” “I’ve got you,” he coaxed, keeping ahold of the strap of my life jacket, while using his free arm to swim. “You’re safe with me.” “Keep her safe,” Sinead called out, looking mildly terrified as she leaned over the edge and watched us slowly drift away from her line of sight. “I’m warning you, Hugh.”

“No wonder they call this place the fairies’ cave,” I breathed, taking it all in. “It looks magical.” “I know,” Hugh agreed, swimming us over to a nearby rock. “But we can’t stay long.” “We can’t?” “Nope.” Heaving himself onto it, he turned back and held out his hand for me. Trusting him entirely, I grabbed his hand and went willingly when he pulled me out of the water and onto the rock with him. Onto his lap. “In a couple of hours this place will be underwater,” he explained, readjusting my life jacket, as he tried and failed to make more room on the rock for me. “Sorry about the seating.” He offered me a sheepish smile. “I guess I didn’t think this through.” I was thrilled he hadn’t because I couldn’t think of a better place to sit than on his lap. “It’s like Aladdin’s cave,” I breathed, hooking an arm around his neck. “We’re completely isolated from the rest of the world in here.”

“Don’t worry, you’re safe,” he was quick to promise. “I would never let anything happen to you.” “I’m not worried, Hugh.” Our bodies were so close now that I knew I would rather die here in this cave and never be recovered than to leave his side. “I’m happy.” “Good.” My response seemed to relieve his tension and he visibly relaxed beneath me. “Because I want you to be happy, Liz.” “I’m always happy when I’m with you.” “Yeah,” he replied, voice sounding a little deeper than usual. “It’s the same for me.”

“Thanks for picking me by the way,” I said, shifting closer. “I know you and Claire got to pick one friend each to come on this trip, and I also know that Claire picked Gibs.” I smiled before adding, “Which means you picked me.” “I’ll always pick you, Liz.” Hugh’s arm came around my waist and he pulled me cl...

“I love you, Hugh Biggs.” Exhaling a sigh of contentment, I wrapped my other arm around his neck and smiled. “I’d stay here forever with you, if we could.” Brown eyes full of warmth locked on mine. “Yeah?” I nodded slowly. “I don’t want to ever leave.” “Neither do I.” His voice was gruff and thick, and his breath fanned my face when he spoke.

“Liz.” The way he said my name caused a shiver to roll down my spine. Like he knew me. Like I was his. Like I belonged entirely to him.

Hooking an arm around my waist, he pulled me close until our chests were pressed together. With my arms wrapped around his neck, I clasped my hands together tightly in anticipation. Hugh’s movements were slow and purposeful, like he had thought about what this day would look like a thousand times before. So had I, but my imagination had nothing on the real thing. I couldn’t take another second of anticipation and clearly neither could Hugh because he lowered his face to mine at the same time I tilted my chin up. And there it is. Finally! The moment our lips touched, a crackling surge of electricity ricocheted through every part of me...

it was clear to my poor, fickle heart that only one person could pull the strings of my h...

Nothing in this world could trick me into releasing this boy. Not my thoughts. Not my mind. Not my broken pieces. Nothing.

“What’s his name?” “Jonathan, I think? At least that’s what I think Cormac said.” “He’s meant to be unreal at rugby.”

Boys were so strange. When they had an issue with each other, they resolved it by kicking the living daylights out of one another and then went right back to being friends. I wasn’t nearly as forgiving and still harbored a Gibsie-sized chip on my shoulder when it came to some of those boys.

That was a problem I had: obsessing over things I loved the most. It wasn’t something I had control over. When I felt things, I felt them with every part of my heart.

I’ll do anything if you just make that bottle stop on… “Lizzie!” the girls cheered, and my pulse skyrocketed when I saw that my spin had landed on her. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Jesus!

Ignoring our friends, I focused my attention on the girl kneeling in front of me, trying to gauge her reaction. Liz didn’t look nervous. On the contrary, her eyes twinkled with what I thought was excitement. Offering me an encouraging nod, Liz placed her hands on my shoulders and smiled. “Hi.” “Hi,” I croaked out, settling my hands on her waist.

With every nerve in my body shot to hell and my breathing uneven, I lowered my face to hers. I moved slowly. Achingly fucking slowly, but I couldn’t afford to mess this up. When her eyelids fluttered shut and she tilted her chin up to meet mine in anticipation, something relaxed inside of me. Inhaling a steadying breath, I closed my eyes and the space between us. The moment our lips touched, I felt that familiar blast of white-hot electricity surge through me. I knew Liz felt it too, because she tightened her arms around my neck and pulled me closer.

This girl and these lips would haunt me for a lifetime.

Hugh Biggs was kissing me again. My heart was racing so hard, I was sure everyone around us could hear it, but I didn’t care. Because this was the best day of my life. His lips brushed against mine once, twice, and then on the third brush, he kissed me deeper, tightening his hold on my waist.

He caught my eye then, brown on blue, and I felt a rush of heat flood my body. The way he was looking at me was different to how he looked at everyone else. A faint smile ghosted his lips, and he blew out a shaky breath before offering me an adorable shrug. Mirroring his smile, I shrugged back and clasped my hands together tightly. I wanted to do that again. Every day. For the rest of forever. And I think he did, too.

Everything changed for me after the trip to the coast. I knew the exact moment it happened. Deep inside the fairies’ sea cave, when she wrapped her arms around my neck and I pressed my lips to hers, it hit me like a wrecking ball that I loved the girl sitting on my lap and wanted to be with her in none of the ways I used to. That realization was solidified even further when we kissed again during spin the bottle. Yeah, that kiss wrecked me.

I never tried to hide the fact that I held a flame for Lizzie Young, but said innocent flame exploded that day, igniting into a blazing fire that hadn’t stopped spreading through me since. With the fire came feelings—deep, powerful, fervid feelings, all directed toward Lizzie, that were as intense as they were complicated.

I wanted to kiss her so fucking bad again, but I didn’t have the balls. I wanted to ask her to be my girlfriend, but every time I tried to broach the subject, I panicked. So I kept it to myself and waited, promising myself that I would do it the next time I saw her. Problem was, I’d been putting it off all summer and I felt beyond agitated. I just wanted her to be mine. More than I ever wanted anything in my life. Including my PlayStation. Honestly, if I could put her on my Christmas list this year, I’d retire from asking for gifts for the rest of my life. If I could just have Liz. Just her.

Plenty of other lads liked her, too, and it made me feel fucking sick thinking about what would happen if one of them worked up the courage to ask her out before I did. Would she say yes? If she did, how would I handle it? Would I die? I thought I might die. I truly felt like my heart would stop beating if that happened.

“That is so cool. I’ve always wanted to be a witch.” “Because of Stevie?” Hugh mused, offering me a wolfish smile. “Fleetwood Mac, right?” “Right,” I agreed, still laughing. “I love her witchy vibes.” “‘Silver Springs’?” Grinning, I nodded. “You remembered.” Hugh winked. “I remember everything about you, Liz.”

“Aw, crackers, I don’t like cows.” “You like all animals, Claire.” “Normally, but not cows.” “Don’t worry. I’ll protect you from the cows, Baby Biggs.”

“Baby Biggs, get out of my sleeping bag!” “Oops, sorry Patrick. I can’t see in the dark. I thought it was Gerard’s sleeping bag.” “Claire! Stay out of Gibsie’s sleeping bag.” “But we don’t sleep apart, Hugh. You know that.”

LMFAO

“Happy now?” I asked dryly, when Gibsie and Claire were snuggled up like littermates in one sleeping bag. “You two are ridiculous.” “I told you before I can’t sleep without her,” Gibs explained, curling up like a cat around our friend. “It’s not my fault.” “And he keeps me warm,” Claire added with a sleepy yawn. “’Night, Gerard, love you.” “Love you more, Claire-Bear.”

“Hey. Can I stay up here with you?” “Hey.” His attention immediately shifted to me. “Uh, yeah, of course.” Setting his book down, Hugh lifted the side of his sleeping bag and gestured for me to climb inside. Without hesitation I did just that, thrilled when my cold feet were instantly warmed by the heat emanating from his legs. “You’re getting hairy,” I told him, feeling the coarseness of his leg hair brush against the smoothness of mine. “It’s strange.” “Nothing I can do about that, I’m afraid,” he replied, twisting around to drape a warm arm around my shoulders as I turned with my back against his chest. “Warm enough?” “Mm-hmm.” Nodding, I reached up and grasped his forearm with both of my hands and snuggled in close. “Toasty.”

“I’m having the best summer of my life.” “Yeah.” His arm tightened around me. “Me, too.” Unable to repress the shiver of pleasure that rolled through me when he held me close, I turned my head and nuzzled his chest with my cheek. “You make me feel happy.” Inhaling deeply, I whispered, “You make me feel safe.” “Yeah?” “Mm-hmm.” “So I should probably tell you something.” “Oh?” “It’s about us.” “What about us?” He was quiet for a long time before he said, “I’m having a bit of trouble being around you lately.” My heart sank. “Do you want me to go?” “What? No, Liz!” He tightened his arm around me. “I would never want that.” I felt his nose brush against the back of my head before he whispered, “You know I love you, right?” “Right.” “I’m just…I’m having a bit of a problem with loving you too much.”

“You know I love you, too, right?” came my whispered reply as I clenched my eyes shut and forced myself to be brave. “Too much.” He was quiet for the longest time, so long that I was beginning to think the conversation, at least for him, was over, but then his trembling hand moved to cover mine. Excitement sparked to life inside of me and I was certain I had never grabbed a hand as quickly as I grabbed this particular boy’s hand. In fact, not only was I holding on to Hugh’s hand for dear life, but I was also squeezing the hell out of it.

“Hey, Liz?” “Yeah, Hugh?” “Can I ask you a question?” “Of course.” “Do you think it would be all right”—his voice was low and full of uncertainty—“if I held your hand?” “You always hold my hand, silly.” “Yeah, but do you think it would be okay if I was the only boy who got to hold your hand?” “Yeah.” A delicious ripple of excitement racked through me. “That would be more than okay.”