Endless Anger (Monsters Within, #1)

by Sav R. Miller

“I’m close,” I warn. “Good.”

“Fuck, I wanted to last longer.” My voice is strained, desperate, pleading. “I need to come.” Her chin dips, and she grins. “Do it then.” “I didn’t—I don’t have a condom,

I let out a tortured groan and watch with heavy fascination as cum spurts from my tip, coating her pussy and belly

“Jesus Christ,” I pant, my dick softening in my palm. “Fucking hell, Lucy.

“You didn’t…” She peeks at me through her fingers. “You know. Come in me.”

Shuffling her knees apart, I press the cloth against her abused pussy, cleaning the small streak of blood on one leg that’s mixed in with everything else.

I want Lucy to have the most incredible life

I’ll probably make an awful dad, but Lucy? She’d be the most incredible mom. One day, if that’s what she wants, I’ll make her one. Only me.

mouth. “Ow!” “Shut up and sit, Lucy.”

felt wanted, and maybe it’s stupid, but I needed that. Or at least I craved it. Everything else was so much fucking work,

“I got so tired,”

His hold tightens. “I know, baby.” Baby.

Staying busy means not having to think about the things no one on campus wants to talk about and not having to face the reality that life is more out of your control than you ever noticed before.

Asher exhales, but he doesn’t seem to hesitate, really. More like he’s trying to decide how much of his soul to bare. As if it doesn’t already belong to me. Always has.

We don’t hold a fucking candle to Lucy, and you should be terrified of her.” I am.

I’m here, by your side, forever. I’d sooner kill myself than spend another second of this godforsaken life without you.”

life is unpredictable and you can’t really control most of it. Humans are stupid, make poor decisions, and are painfully mortal. There’s no guarantee. Love is a gamble,

The mattress creaks as Asher moves. “Lucy.” Sniffling, I suck in a breath of air and let my arms fall. My smile feels watery and forced. “Sorry. I just needed a minute.” When I look back at him, his arms are wide open, legs spread slightly. The sketchbook sits on his nightstand, abandoned in my favor. My throat burns as I push one foot forward. God, I don’t want to need him like this, but I can’t help it. He’s always been the safest place in the world for me. Another smaller sob peals out of me, and I sprint in his direction, launching myself at him. He catches me with a tiny grunt, wrapping me totally in his embrace as I bury my head in his neck.

“You’d burn down the school for me?” “Lucy.” He cups my cheeks, sliding his thumbs over them as more tears fall. My heart aches, pumping so hard against my ribs that it feels like it might break out of me entirely. “I would raze the earth just for a smile from you. There is nothing I would not do, and especially if you were ever harmed or endangered. I know you hate violence…you would not enjoy the man I’d become in the event of your demise.”

Tentatively, I lift my fingers to his lips, brushing the tips over them as he speaks, like I’m trying to imprint his words on my body. I love you, Asher. I love you so much. Please, let what you’re saying be true. I want to believe it is. I would love you no matter what you did.

“Most things that are worth anything in life are hard.”

he rubs my back in soft, soothing circles. “I’m not always as unaffected as I may appear, you know. You’ve seen how quick to anger I am. And the years we spent apart? I was a fucking disaster. Plus, were you not listening to what I just said? Every time you so much as cry, it tears me up inside. I care about you, Luce, and I love that you care about people so much.” “You don’t think it’s stupid?” I ask in a small voice. “Never.”

“Can I stay here tonight?” He shifts, and then the comforter is being pulled up and tucked around my shoulders. His hold on me tightens, and his lips skim my scalp.

“You can stay forever.”

Sitting on her bed, I bury my face in her pillow while I wait, inhaling the scent of coconut. My heart aches, wanting to be near her already.

just like the ones she collected when we were younger. A small smile touches my mouth at how very little she’s changed since I first fell in love with her. The smile freezes, and my bones become heavy. Love?

The first time I can remember seeing her, registering her, and how our connection was instantaneous. Like our souls were aligned by fate, intertwined in the galaxy, and written in the stars. Even when we were apart, it never felt like that shifted. Even when she hated me, wanted nothing to do with me, the tether was still bound between us, pulling taut until we came back together.

Lucy needed me more, I think. She was soft and pure, and where her siblings could take the ribbing and the teasing and got along with everyone, Lucy was so terribly human that I was afraid she’d break as soon as she stepped foot outside the house.

And the problem was she didn’t really seem to get how to be human or the fact that it made her so very special to feel and love so deeply. Vulnerability is something that gets people killed in this world, but she never questioned hers.”

That’s what I love abou...

“The second you touched the mattress, Lucy went silent. We all had to check and make sure she was still breathing—her eyes were open, staring blankly upward, but she looked so peaceful. You were holding onto her onesie, watching her, and I realized that day that I would never stand a chance. You two are connected at the soul, and I’ve always secretly despised you for that. I used to feel like I was intruding on a bond with my own child, but now, I’m…really goddamn grateful, I suppose, that she’s always had you.”

My chest tightens, and I feel a little woozy. Digging my nails into my palms, I suck in a deep breath, push the anger down for a moment, and exhale. “I love her.”

He laughs. “Obviously. You tell her that yet?” I shake my head. “Well, don’t wait. She ...

For several seconds, we just stare at each other on our knees, struck completely silent. “You came for me?” she whispers. Her voice makes me lightheaded. “Of fucking course I did, baby.” She brings her free arm up gently—so fucking gently—touching my face with swollen fingers, like she can’t believe I’m really here.

Sometimes, it just seems like you get stuck on your negative emotions, and they end up ruling when you should be making better decisions.

when it comes to protecting the people you love, that isn’t something to skimp on. Ever. I’m sorry if that feels unfair or if I haven’t been the best role model for it, but that is the Anderson curse. Taking care of the people who make your life better.”

He never neglected me, yet I hated that he helped others, like it somehow meant he loved me less.

Anger is impossible to hold on to when I’m wrapped up in her.

pry the weapon from her hands. “Don’t try to talk me out of it,” she deadpans. “Wouldn’t dream of it, pup.” I show her how to use the weapon in the glow from Dad’s flashlight,

She watches carefully, placing her fingers where I tell her to. Her breathing is labored, and mine matches

She pouts. “I didn’t get to actually kill anyone.” “You don’t want that burden, pup.”

“Because I don’t care about me. My conscience has been dead for a long time.” I cup her cheek, tilting her head. “But you? I love that yours is free. I don’t want to fucking change a thing about you.”

I grin. “Baby, I’ve loved you my entire life.

but still there’s a humming in my body that only ever seems to come alive when Asher’s around.

This is the first I’ve seen of him since last night. He’s cleaned up, hair dripping likely from a shower, and I can’t stop staring at him—his warm brown eyes, hard as topaz as he casts his gaze around the dull room. The slant of his jaw, the wet strands of hair sticking to his forehead, and the aura that just pulses around him.

Even though I can tell he’s still angry, I know I’m safe with him here. I can breathe. Relax my jaw and unclen...

I’m afraid that if anyone else asks me if I’m okay, I’m going to explode. Asher doesn’t ask, because he already knows. I see it reflected in his eyes.

Asher’s here with me. Angry but so obviously relieved. I throw back the comforter at the same time as he stalks quickly across the room, snatching me into his arms. He clings so tight that it’s difficult to breathe, but I don’t say a word, soaking in his fresh, clean scent and letting his warmth ground me.

But he tightens his hold, his face hard as stone. “Don’t fucking look away from me, pup. You think that’ll do you any good? I know you. I can feel the despair taking root in your bones as we speak. I hear your guilt and shame making your brain move a thousand miles a minute. I’m not letting you go so you can curl up in bed and spiral.”

Your vulnerability and compassion are what I liked most about you; it wasn’t fair to hold them against you just because I was insecure.”