The Utterly Uninteresting and Unadventurous Tales of Fred, the Vampire Accountant (Fred, the Vampire Accountant, #1)

by Drew Hayes

You will eventually discover that under the movie stereotypes, imposed mystique, and overall inflated expectations, each and every one of us is at least a touch more boring than our images would indicate. And that is not a bad thing.

Her voice was high and squeaky, peppered with levels of enthusiasm attainable only by children and drug addicts.

It’s curious that children can either be expert liars or utterly incapable of hiding their emotions, and the classification changes from minute to minute.

And I mean “old” not in the way of denture cream and dinner at four. “Old” in the way of mountains.

He began walking toward us, a simple endeavor, and yet it made me feel like I had swallowed a brick.

We tend to respect people who can kick our asses.”

I missed the days when I would silently judge seemingly crazy people in a park, instead of being one of them.

while I am not skilled in many things, I am a twentieth-degree black belt in running away.

I dashed into the kitchen before rational thought could kick in—which is likely for the best, since my rational thoughts all center on the principles of running and hiding.