After We Fell (After, #3)

by Anna Todd

Why was Zed here in the first place? That motherfucker always seems to show up at the right time—the exact moment that will make me look like an asshole, and now, once again, he has saved her.

Ohmygod this is not about you??????????

This whole ordeal is just another reminder that every single bad thing in Tessa’s life stems from me.

Correct

Now Tessa is fucking drugged and she’s with Zed. Who knows what the fuck he’ll try to do with her.

It feels dangerous to be Team Zed, considering... everything.... but I'm gonna go for it. He saved her. Cut him some fucking slack.

She could have been raped because of me. Just like in my dreams… and I wasn’t there to stop her. Just like I wasn’t able to stop it from happening to my mum.

Poetic.

I’m poison, and she’s the slowly eroding seraph,

She's what

This is a fucking disaster, and Tessa is with Zed, of all people. I don’t trust him any more than I do Dan or Steph.

?????????? The same Dan and Steph who just assaulted her???

What happened? Tell me the entire story!” my mother cries out as Zed lifts me out of his truck.

Off to a calm start then

“How could she be so stupid?” my mother snaps at Zed, and the word “stupid” echoes in my mind until it fades out. “Who, Steph?” he asks. “No, Theresa. How could she be that stupid to associate with those people.”

Jesus christ

“It wasn’t her fault,” Zed answers, defending me. “It was supposed to be a going-away party. Tessa thought the girl was her friend.” “Friend? Please! Tessa should know better than to try to be friends with that girl, or any of you, for that matter.” “No disrespect or anything, but you don’t know me. I did just drive for two hours to bring your daughter here,” Zed politely responds.

Maybe we could kill mom

From a distance I hear my mother’s voice say, “No. Thank you for bringing her. I was rude a moment ago, and I apologize for it.”

Good job mom

The moment I spot Zed’s truck in the driveway of the small brick house, I nearly vomit. When he steps out onto the porch, my vision goes red.

God shut up

“I knew you’d show up here,” he says quietly when I appear in front of him. “Why wouldn’t I?” I growl, biting back my rising anger. “Maybe because this is all your fault.” “Are you fucking serious? It’s my fault that Steph is a goddamned psycho?” Yes; yes, it is. “No, it’s your fault that you didn’t come with Tessa to that party in the first place. You should have seen her face when I busted that door in.” He shakes his head as if to rid himself of the memory. My chest tightens. Tessa must not have told him that we aren’t together. Does that mean she’s still holding on, the way that I am?

I really hope not. But obviously yes.

“Don’t fucking look at me like that—you shouldn’t even be here in the first place,” I remind him. “If it wasn’t for me, she would have been raped and God knows what else—” My hands find the collar of his leather jacket, and I push him up against the side of his truck. “No matter how many times you try, no matter how many times you ‘save’ her, she will never want you. Don’t forget that.”

THIS IS NOT. ABOUT. YOU.

“Tessa, can you hear me?” I ask, hopeful. “Zed?” she barely whispers, and for a moment I swear the devil is messing with my mind. “No, baby, it’s Hardin. I’m Hardin, not Zed.” I can’t help the irritation that flares in me from hearing his name come so softly from her lips. “No Hardin.” Her eyebrows pull together in confusion, but her eyes stay closed. “Zed?” she repeats, and I drop my hand from her cheek.

Ahahahahahaha

A small bed rests against the far wall, filling nearly half of the tiny bedroom. The desk in the corner is almost the same size as the bed.

These dimensions don't make sense

I look down at the adult Tessa in my arms and stifle a laugh as I think about her constant curiosity—one of my most and least favorite things about her now.

Imagine. Your least favourite thing about someone is actually a great quality to have.

Home… this is not her home anymore. Just like this small house, our apartment was a short stop for her on the way to her dream: Seattle.

If she doesn't go to Seattle because of this I will lose it

The last thing I want is to be touched, but the moment Hardin’s fingers brush against my skin, the disgusting memory of Dan is erased.

Oh yikes

“I’m not going. She’s going without me.” “As happy as that makes me, may I ask why?” A perfectly arched brow rises, and I look away. “I’m just not, that’s why. It’s better for her that I don’t go, anyway.” “You sound just like my ex-husband.” She swallows. “Sometimes I blame myself for Tessa attaching herself to you. I worry that it’s because of the way her father was, before he left us.” Her manicured hand lifts up to smooth her hair, and she tries to appear unaffected by her mention of Richard. “He has nothing to do with her relationship with me; she barely knows him. The few days they’ve spent together lately shows just that: she doesn’t remember enough about him to affect her choice in men.”

Duuuuuude noooo

“Probably not. You aren’t the easiest person to talk to,” I remind her. I wonder if this is a good time to bring up my suspicion about him breaking into the apartment. “And you are?” She raises her voice, and I step closer. “At least I care about her well-being; that’s more than I can say for you!” I knew the civil conversation between us wouldn’t last long. “I care about her more than anyone, even you!” I fire back.

No, you don't

“Hardin, despite the way I feel toward you, I do know that you love my daughter. I just want to remind you again that if you love her—truly love her—you will stop interfering in her life. She’s not the same girl that I dropped off at that devil school half a year ago.”

The devil school YOU WANTED HER TO GO TO

“How are you feeling?” my mother asks timidly as she turns to face me. “Terrible,” I groan, unable to put on a friendly, much less a brave face. “I’d imagine, after the night you had.” Here we go… “Have some coffee and some Advil; you’ll feel better.” I nod slowly and walk over to the cabinet to grab a coffee mug. “I have church this evening; I assume you won’t be coming along? You missed the morning service,” she says in a flat voice.

Ma'am

The door creaks open, and instead of Tessa, her mum, or anyone else on the fucking planet that I’d rather see, it’s Noah. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” I say. When he tries to close the door in my face, I stop it with my boot. “Don’t be a dick.” I push the door open, and he steps back. “Why are you here?” he asks, his face etched in a deep scowl. I should be asking him why the fuck he is here. Tessa and I haven’t been separated three days, and here this asshole is, worming his way back into her life.

Dude

“Why did you come here?” she asks quietly. By way of answer, I ask, “Why is he here?” and nod my head toward the kitchen. I just know Noah is perched against the wall, listening in to our conversation. I really can’t fucking stand him, but given the circumstances, I should probably shut up about it. Playing with her hands, she says, “He’s here to check on me.” “He doesn’t need to check on you.” That’s why I’m here.

SHE'S ALLOWED TO HAVE MORE THAN ONE PERSON CHECK ON HER AFTER SHE WAS DRUGGED AND NEARLY RAPED HOPE THIS HELPS

“I just want to start over. I want to forget about everything that’s happened in the last six months,” she sobs.

Ouch bud

“Thank you again for bringing my car…” She’s trying to dismiss me in a polite way. I know her. “Do you want me to bring your stuff inside?” I offer. “No, I’m leaving in the morning, so it’s easier to keep it in there.” Why does it surprise me that every single time she opens her mouth, she reminds me that she’s going to Seattle? I keep waiting for her to change her mind, but it will never happen.

Cuz she's done all the legwork to move already??

“We need this, you know that we do. We have to spend some time apart.” “Some time apart?” He looks wounded, pissed off, and I’m a little afraid of what will come out of his mouth next.

Yeah man, that's what a break up is

“Tessa… you can’t be fucking—” He looks into my eyes and stops midsentence. “How much time?” “What?” “How much time apart?” “I…” I didn’t expect him to agree. “I don’t know.” “A week? A month?” He pushes for specifics. “I don’t know, Hardin. We both need to get ourselves to a better place.” “You’re my better place, Tess.”

Ugh

“So this is my fault, again?” he asks. “No, it’s me, too. I’m too dependent on you. I need to be more independent.” “Since when does any of this matter?” The tone of his voice tells me that he hasn’t ever considered my dependency on him a problem.

Yeah cuz he doesn't want you to have anyone else to depend on

I find myself singing along to Taylor Swift and tapping my fingers on the steering wheel as she talks about “trouble walking in”—and I laugh at the irony of the lyrics.

You leave her out of this

“Kickboxing was okay. The trainer was a woman, so that was fucking lame.”

I hate you

“It’s hard for me to feel bad for you when you could be there with her,” Landon says after a few beats of silence.

TRULY

The new Vance Publishing office is located in the center of downtown Seattle; the city below is thriving, constantly moving, constantly developing, and here I am, right in the center of it all.

Next door to Christian Grey I assume

I arrange the things in my desk the way I like them and read a little, but by lunchtime I’ve sent at least ten pictures of my office to Landon… and to Hardin. I knew that Hardin wouldn’t respond, but I couldn’t help myself. I wanted him to see the view—maybe it would make him change his mind about moving here?

Girl leave him alone

The more I dwell on my impulsive decision to send those pictures to Hardin, the more I regret it.

Yeah

Maybe I should send another message to explain myself, I think. Or tell him that I sent the pictures accidentally.

No

“You should explore, then; there are so many things to do here. It’s a beautiful city,” Trevor declares as I munch absentmindedly on a cracker. “The Space Needle, the Pacific Science Center, art museums, you name it.”

Yes, all three of Seattle's highlights

I’m beginning to feel uneasy, because every time I glance over at the women, I can tell that they’re both looking at me and talking quietly.

Ooh why

“I’d love to show you around. I was just going jogging, that’s all.” “Jogging?” My nose crinkles. “What for?”

For... exercise?

“We could walk instead.” He chuckles. “I live in Ballard; it’s a pretty cool neighborhood.” “I’ve heard of Ballard, actually,” I say, remembering browsing through page after page on sites showing the neighborhoods of Seattle. “Okay, yeah. Let’s walk around Ballard, then.” I close my hands in front of me and rest them on my lap.

Stop saying Ballard

I can’t help but think how Hardin would feel about this.

Oh wellllllll

I get up, too, and toss the crackers wrapper into the trash can. “We all know why she got the job anyway,” I hear one of the women say behind me.

Is it because of Trevor

When I get back to my office, I reach into my desk drawer and pull out my cell phone. Two missed calls, both from Hardin. Should I call him back right now? He called twice, so maybe something is wrong. I should, I think, by way of bargaining with myself. He answers on the first ring, and hurriedly says, “Why didn’t you answer when I called you?”

Because she was working, dipshit

“No. Nothing’s wrong,” he breathes. I can picture the exact way his pink lips move as he says the simple words “Why did you send those pictures?”

Ew?

This separation feels so different from the last; this time we separated on good terms, and it wasn’t a clean break.

YOU HAVE NOWHERE TO LIVE BECAUSE OF HIM

Hardin was so calm earlier, and he sounded so clear, as if he was focused on something.

I mean. He WAS driving.

I’m beginning to wish that I hadn’t asked Trevor if he was free after work. I’d rather be at Kimberly’s house, talking on the phone to Hardin.

Ugh

I’m sure Christian would give Hardin a job if he wanted one. He’s made it clear that he wanted Hardin to work for him again a couple of times. We could spend our lunch hour together, maybe even re-create some of the memories we shared at the old office.

STOP BANGING AT WORK

we finally arrive in the small neighborhood of Ballard. According to the blogs I was reading before my move, it’s one of the hippest neighborhoods in Seattle.

Ohmygod

I want to call Tessa again, just to hear her voice. I want to know about the rest of her day… What does she plan to do after work?

Ah bud you do not want to know