After We Fell (After, #3)

by Anna Todd

I say and begin to fold my dirty clothes and place them in the hamper; I figure I’ll do a load of laundry before I go to bed.

You.... fold..... the dirty clothes?

So I ask, “I rode in to work today with someone, so I don’t have my car. Could you pick me up at five?” And when he happily agrees, I’m both thrilled and terrified.

Okay at this point I'm on Hardin's side. Leave Zed alone.

My meeting with Zed has been weighing on my chest since the moment I agreed to it. I know Hardin hates our friendship. He hates it so much that it haunts him in his dreams, and here I am, fueling that hatred.

YEAH SO STOP

I GO WITH the chicken and vegetables and watch in awe as the chef prepares the food in front of us. I’ve never been to a place like this before, and Zed finds that amusing.

Same tbh

“It’s okay, I didn’t mean to snap at you. I don’t know what’s gotten into me.” My period is due any day now—that must be why I’m so on edge.

This is the third time you've mentioned your period after the potentially condom-less sex. I am concerned.

“He tried to pay me off to stay away from you,” Zed interjects. “What?” “Yeah, he was threatening me, and he told me to make him an offer. He told me to find another ‘whore on campus’ to toy with.” Whore? Zed shrugs nonchalantly. “He said that no one else will ever have you, and he was awfully proud of himself that you stuck around even after he told you about sleeping with Molly after the two of you started hanging out.” The mention of Hardin and Molly stings—Zed knew it would. And that’s exactly why he said it.

Yikes dude

“You’re not fighting fair here,” I say, calling him out. “Neither is he.” He sighs, desperately trying to keep his voice down. “Look, I know you’ll defend him until you’re blue in the face, but you can’t blame me for wanting to have what he has. I want to be the one you’re defending, I want to be the one that you trust, even though you shouldn’t. I’m always there for you when he isn’t.”

God you're embarrassing

This is exactly why Zed and I will never be able to have a friendship. Regardless of his sweetness and understanding, it will never work. He hasn’t given up, and I suppose there’s honor in that.

No there isn't??

In an effort to do the same, I begin to tell him about the gym, the spacious kitchen, the way Christian can control what’s going on in parts of the house with his iPhone. And then my heart leaps into my throat. Hardin’s car is parked just behind Kimberly’s sleek Audi.

Oops

“I know you went to his apartment yesterday. Why didn’t you tell me?” “Because you didn’t need to know.” His breathing is harsh, barely controlled. “You don’t get to decide what I need to know,” I challenge him. “You can’t keep things from me. I know about your mother’s wedding, too!” I blurt.

Sigh

I don’t know where we stand at the moment. I know he’s pissed about Zed, and I’m upset that he’s hiding things from me again, but overall I’m thrilled that he’s here, and I don’t want to waste our time fighting.

Okay.

Tessa’s back is toward me, but I can tell by her posture that she’s nervous. Seconds later, another guy joins them, and as I get closer, the first man starts to look more and more familiar to me. “Hardin! There you are.” Kimberly reaches out her arm to touch my shoulder, but I dodge her and move to Tessa. When she turns to me, her blue-gray eyes are wary as they lead my gaze to the guest. “Hardin, this is my teacher from World Religion, Professor Soto,” she says, smiling politely.

What? Why??

I push her dress up to expose her tight little body to me, and she digs into my back pocket to retrieve the condom that I suspected I would need.

I am even more suspicious of the previous sex scene with no mention of a condom

“I can’t wait to be inside you without a condom…” I say into her neck. “Keep going,” she urges me. She loves my dirty mouth. “I want you to feel me come inside you…” I suck at the salty skin of her collarbone, tasting the thin layer of sweat there. “You’ll fucking love it, won’t you? Me marking you that way?” The thought alone pushes me over the edge.

Ew

“Yes, very. Seattle isn’t as great as I thought,” she finally admits.

You have been there for ten days

“Because it’s not going to happen, and she’s one of those crazy women who bring the shit up like a month after dating. She literally broke up with me because I said I wouldn’t marry her. She’s batshit crazy sometimes.”

I mean marriage is a dealbreaker usually

“Don’t snap at me—how do you think I feel that you haven’t been with only me?” I say. The reminder doesn’t come as often as it once did, but when it does, it stings terribly.

Who caaaaaares

“I didn’t think of it that way,” he says into my shoulder, making me shudder. “If you had been with anyone else, I wouldn’t be with you now.”

I beg your FINEST PARDON

I feel Hardin’s hand move to his boxers. He tugs them down, and I use my feet to help him get rid of them. In a gentle motion, he slides into me, crying out as he plunges through the slick opening. “Again,” he begs. “I’ve only loved you,” I repeat. “Fucking Christ, Tess, I love you so much.” The words are a raw confession as they push through his gritted mouth. “I will always only love you,” I promise him. I send a silent prayer that we’ll find a way to work through all of our problems, because I know what I just said is true. It will always be him. Even if something drove us apart. Hardin’s thrusts are deep, filling and claiming me as he bites and sucks at the skin on my neck with his warm, wet mouth. “I can feel you, every single inch… you’re so fucking warm…” he groans, making it known that he hasn’t put a condom on. Even through the euphoric trance, warning bells go off in my head. I blink the sensation away and revel in the feeling of Hardin’s strong muscles straining under my hands as I run my hands over his broad shoulders and inked arms. “You have to put one on,” I say, though my actions are the opposite of my words; I tighten my legs around his waist, drawing him deeper. My stomach begins to coil, tightening…

Guyssssssss

“I… can’t stop…” His pace quickens, and I think I’ll snap in two if he stops now. “Don’t, then.” We’re both insane, not thinking clearly, but I can’t stop raking my nails down his back, encouraging him.

STOP

I stand up from the bed and wince. I knew I was going to be starting my period any day now; why did it have to come right now, of all days?

Well that's a relief

“You need to get on birth control,” I tell her. I’ve been so careless lately, and now that I’ve felt her without a condom, there’s no going back. “I know. I keep meaning to make a doctor’s appointment, but it’s hard to get an appointment with student insurance.” “Sure, sure.” “Maybe later this week I can get in. I need to do it soon; you’re careless lately,” she says. “Careless? Me?” I scoff, trying not to panic. “You’re the one that keeps catching me off guard, and I can’t think straight.” “Oh please!” She giggles and leans her head back against the headrest. “Hey, if you want to ruin your life by having a child, go for it, but you sure as hell aren’t taking me down with you.” I squeeze her thigh, and she frowns. “What?” “Nothing,” she lies, faking a smile.

Yikes. I mean I agree. But yikes.

“Children are something we shouldn’t discuss, remember?” “I agree… So let’s cut out the middleman and get your ass on birth control so we don’t have to ever talk or worry about children again.”

If you're so against kids maybe you should just get a vasectomy

“Hardin Scott?” a woman’s voice asks from behind me as I turn and enter what looks like a small break room. I turn around to find a familiar face. “Um… hey?” I can’t remember where I’ve seen her before, but I know that I have. Realization hits me when she’s joined by another woman. You’ve got to be fucking kidding me. The universe is playing a sick fucking joke on me, and it’s pissing me the fuck off. Tabitha grins at me. “Well… well… well…” Tessa’s tales of woe about two bitchy office bullies make so much more sense now.

Not Tabitha

I need to read Hardin’s letter again; it’s my favorite thing in the entire world. It’s much more than a thing to me; it expresses his love and passion in a way that his mouth never could. I’ve read it so many times that I have it memorized, but I need to physically touch it again. Once I hold the tattered and worn pages between my fingers, all the anxiety I’m feeling will be replaced by his thoughtful words, and I’ll be able to breathe again and enjoy my weekend here.

Ha oh no

I recognize the words immediately—they’re practically etched into my mind. It’s only half a sentence, almost too small to read, but the ink-smeared words are clearly written in Hardin’s handwriting. My stomach drops. I stare at the fragment of paper, and the realization hits me. I just know that he did, in fact, destroy it. I begin to weep and let the shred slip from my shaking fingers and fall back to the floor. My heart is instantly broken, and I begin to wonder just how much one heart can bear.

Girl look at your life

I let out a breath that I didn’t realize I was holding.

Not again

“Not perfect! Ha!” She laughs, her white teeth shining through the dim room.

Like Ross???

Tessa’s mum is hot as hell, but she’s got a constant stick up her ass that someone needs to remove, or maybe the complete opposite…

Uhm

“If you have to change him, why even bother?”

Truly

My mother’s eyes close, and she shakes her head at me for the tenth time in the last twenty minutes. “You have to stop trying to fix people, Theresa. You will spend your entire life doing it, but then you’ll have nothing left of yourself, even if you succeed in changing them.”

Mom really coming in clutch with the advice

Fucking hell. “I’m not walking in that graduation, I’m having my diploma mailed,” I reply sternly. This isn’t going to turn into a trample-Hardin-and-change-his-mind thing. “Why not?” Tessa asks, which makes my father look pleased. That asshole planned this, I know he did. “I don’t want to.” I look at Landon for backup, but he’s avoiding my gaze. So much for our bonding shit earlier; it’s clear that he’s back on Team Tessa. “Don’t push it right now, I’m not walking, and I won’t be changing my mind,” I say to her, loud enough that everyone will hear me so there won’t be any mistaking the finality of my decision. “We’ll talk about it later,” she threatens with flushed cheeks.

Girl give him a brek

His hand reaches over, and to my horror he slowly rubs his hand across the mess he made on my skin. He watches it, transfixed for a moment before meeting my eyes. “All mine.” He grins cheekily, pressing a soft kiss to my open mouth. “I—” I stare down at my sticky chest. “You like it.” He smiles, and I don’t deny it. “It looks good on you.”

Barf

I quickly reach for her hand and them on my lap, covered with my own.

This makes no sense at all

And I let out the deep breath I didn’t realize I was even holding.

Sigh

He reels off many options, some of which I’ve never even heard of, before we settle on the shot.

Why would this ever be your first choice

“I’m a little concerned about the size of your cervix,” he finally says. “It’s nothing to worry about at the moment, but I’d like to see you again to do further testing.”

Yes this is definitely the most calming way to tell her

“Something that you would be better off not being told also counts. For example, the fact that my gynecologist is a male,” she informs me. “What?” Tessa’s doctor being a male never crossed my mind. I didn’t know that dude doctors did such things.

YOU WHAT

I still can’t believe you both came,” Trish says to me. She hands me a cup of coffee—black, just the way I like it—and I smile at her thoughtfulness.

Literally the easiest order to remember

“Thank you.” She smiles, sighing with what sounds like relief. “If she asks, I arrived right at two,” the girl instructs me and smiles. She must work here. My eyes travel down to the name tag fastened to her white long-sleeve shirt. NATALIE, it says. I glance at the clock. It’s five minutes past two. “Your secret is safe with me,” I assure her.

Come on there is no way you haven't connected the dots

Susan… I think. Is Susan this Natalie woman’s mother? Natalie… Holy shit. Natalie. The Natalie. The Natalie that haunted Hardin’s conscience, the small bit of one that he has. Natalie that Hardin chewed up and spit back out. “You’re Natalie,” I say with realization.

THERE WE GO

I am in awe of her. I can’t say that if Hardin had done to me what he did to her, without so much as an apology, I’d be sending positive thoughts out for him the way that she is. I’d probably be wishing for his imminent demise, yet here she is, this compassionate woman, only wanting the best for him.

Girl look at all the other shit he's done to you

Sadness overtakes my fear as she brings my hand to her stomach, swollen in a way that mine most likely will never be, and I notice the gold band on her finger, something I most likely will never wear.

Just dump him omg

“I can go get the car. I only had one glass, so I can drive just fine.” “It’s okay, really,” I say, even though I’m terrified to drive her car. “No, really,” she counters and takes her keys out of the front pocket of her jacket. “I can drive.”

Oh no

Her hair… what did she do to her hair?

She SLIGHTLY DARKENED THE ROOTS

“What the hell did you do to your hair?” I repeat my thought out loud. Tessa frowns, and I watch the sparkle in her eyes dim drastically.

Hey good job

Her hair looks shinier than usual, too, and her eyebrows are different. Women do too much shit to impress men who can barely tell the difference.

She did it for herself you walnut

“What do you two want to do for dinner? I was thinking we could go to Zara, the four of us.” My mum turns to her soon-to-be husband as soon as we enter the living room. Tessa nods even though she has no idea what Zara is. “I hate Zara. It’s too crowded, and Tessa isn’t going to like anything there,” I grumble. Tessa would eat anything to keep the peace, but I know she wouldn’t want to eat liver or pureed lamb for the first time in a situation where she’d feel obligated to smile and pretend that it’s the best thing she’s ever eaten. “Blues Kitchen, then?” Mike suggests. Honestly, I don’t want to go any fucking where. “Too loud.” I rest my elbows on the counter and pick at the edges where the Formica is chipping.

You suck so much

“Well, you decide and let us know,” my mum says in exasperation. I know she’s growing impatient with me, but I’m here, aren’t I?

That is literally not enough

She looks so fucking beautiful in the dim lighting of the hallway.

This feels like an insult