Thrive (Addicted #4)

by Krista Ritchie

I love that being tangled together in the backseat of a car is no longer wrong. It won’t turn me into a compulsive monster anymore. It’s a level of control that I never thought I’d reach. Yet, here it is. I’m starting to feel normal. Or at least, our kind of normal.

#growth!

His amber eyes graze me as though I’m the most beautiful broken thing he’s ever been a part of. “You’re perfect.”

There will always be bad days, but it’s how we live those bad days that counts.

Two addicts constructing a future together: when I think of it like that, it all begins to sound like make-believe. Too rooted in fantasy to ever come true.

“Wow, it’s nice talking to you, big bro. Let’s do this again sometime. I get so much out of it.”

Lo core is everything for me.

Our mom has no self-awareness. If she did, she’d realize how much she suffocates Daisy…and how much she ignores me. But then again, maybe she does realize it. And she just doesn’t care.

I forgot what it feels like to stand against him when he’s this wasted and I’m not. It’s easier when I’m numb. It’s easier when we’re sinking in the same fucked up black hole. But he’s dragging me down, and every brutal cut tears into me. The weight of every word pummeling me.

I just want to drown. To numb the parts of me that can’t withstand this reality. I just want to go away for good.

concentrate on the way his chest rises and falls, so discreetly that it’s hard to see. Just keep breathing, Lo. I comb his hair out of his face,

Our legs intertwine, sufficiently embraced and connected together. It’s quiet, and we listen to each other’s breaths for a few minutes.

“I just want you to know that if you leave this world, I won’t be in it for much longer.” He’s a piece of me. You cut it off, and it’s like going through life with no lungs.

Rose has her arms crossed. “I hate your smile.” “You love my smile. That’s why it annoys you, darling.”

But every day he remains quiet is another day I fight this alone.

It’s not over though. I’ve always been a machine gun, another bullet ready after I press the trigger. Most of the time, I’m just waiting for it to ricochet. And finally hit me.

I am not even going to glance at his gorgeous bone structure, those sharp-as-ice cheekbones or the pink lips that turn into a sexy pout when he glares. Or his intense amber eyes

Im just so obsessed with him.

Keeping this from Lo is like carrying around a grenade, not knowing when it’ll blow up.

I must wear the worst fucking glare—like I’m sitting here hoping that the world burns with me in it.

“What can I get you?” she asks. “What he’s having.” He points to the glass. The bottom of my stomach drops, realizing his stupid ploy. All so I can admit, out loud, that I’m a fucking idiot.

Just a full on face palm moment.

The rim hits his lips. I am rigid. I am screaming at myself to move. To be a goddamn decent human being. To be worth this life that I’ve been given. And yet, I watch him, with deadness inside of me. He drinks alcohol. And I think: now we’re even.

I just leave. Wishing that I was someone else.

“Please…” My chest falls heavily. “I can’t…” I can’t deal with it anymore. I don’t want any of it.

I am miles away from the one person who can talk me down from this edge. From the one person who has been with me every step of my life. Who has shared memories and moments that no one else will ever see. If I give up, she is gone. I destroy this bond that transcends love, taking her soul with me. It is the only thing that keeps me breathing.

“We’re going to have our happy ending. It’s just going to take us a little while to get there.”

She’s free from a profession that has been slowly making her sick for the past few years. And subsequently, she’s free from her mom’s ridicule.

He gives me one of those cold Loren Hale looks that usually cripples people. I’m too used to them, really. They’re more like pinches. Love pinches.

So iconic

I want Daisy to have the best guy out there. The one that gives her everything. Kissing in the dark, while fun, it’s not the type of relationship that will last.

Lily is honestly such a sweetheart

It’s my fault in the end, I remember. For trusting someone I shouldn’t have. For letting him in. I’m the real fool.

“You spend so much of your fucking time trying to save me,” I breathe, “and you don’t even realize that you’re killing me.”

Too good of a quote that they had to put it in both books.

This isn’t about me. It’s about the demons he’s buried. It always has been.

He huffs in aggravation, but he never explains himself. I wait a second, expecting him to clarify. I can’t read your fucking mind, Ryke.

I remember this scene so perfectly in hothouse flower.

No matter how weird it seems, this is how it’ll be. I’m not going to separate two people that love each other. I wouldn’t intentionally do that.

Lo has matured so much <3

But I’m truly sorry that my existence caused him so much pain.

Christ. It’s scary—seeing malice on a girl who’s never worn it before, someone so full of life.

Our father wouldn’t do this out of the kindness of his black fucking heart.

“Only because you always talk about it but never actually do it,” Connor says. “What’s surprising is that I haven’t returned you to the pound. I prefer my animals with a bigger bite.” Ryke flips him off.

“Your insensitivity isn’t anything new, Loren.” “I’m sorry,” he says flatly, “I didn’t realize that witches had feelings beyond satanic anger.”

“If you’re waiting for me to be cured, then you might as well give up now. This is going to last forever. Not a month. Not a few years. I’m an addict. I could very well stay sober for ten years and relapse again. You gotta accept that.”

My chest collapses, every part of me screaming inside. I feel like I’ve broken the only girl I’ve ever loved. And all I want to do is rearrange the pieces and put her back together.

Another Wednesday, where we both lie exhausted and fractured on the carpet. Clung to the fact that we can’t live without each other, but beaten down by the roadblocks that say we should.

I have never once wanted a child. Never even considered it for a moment’s time. I’m selfish, damaged and spiteful. No matter how much I love Lily, there are things about me that will never change.

It’s the one where he is indisputably committed to us, as a team. I wouldn’t ask anything more from him.

He stares deeply into me and says, “I just don’t want our kid to be damaged like us.” My breath catches and it takes me a minute to collect the right words. “We can’t live in fear of that. It’ll cripple us.”

the reality of how much our addictions have truly affected those around us. It’s a double-edged sword. We need their support, but in being closer to them, we’ve only made their lives harder.

Without my brother, I wouldn’t be sober. I’m not even sure I’d be alive. His decision to enter my life and never let go was one that saved me. No thank you will repay what he’s given me. But it’s all I have.

Awhh. Just give me a second while i bawl my eyes out...

“No, love.” Lo tilts my chin up so I meet his swirling amber eyes. “This is real.”

Neither of us wants to return to that. To walk through the hallways, reminded of times that were darker and more sinister. Fresh starts and new beginnings mean changes, and I want to change how I live.