Project Hail Mary

by Andy Weir

“I penetrated the outer cell membrane with a nanosyringe.” “You poked it with a stick?” “No!” I said. “Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.” “It took you two days to think of poking it with a stick.”

Besides, if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to smack a kid’s parents for not teaching them even the most basic things…well…I’d have enough nickels to put in a sock and smack those parents with it.

“Tsar Bomba,” said Dimitri. “Made by my country. Fifty megatons. Boom.”

And I know why I’m here! Not just in vague terms like “Oh hey, the world’s ending. Make that not happen.” But very specifically: Find out why Tau Ceti wasn’t affected by Astrophage.

But this is the interstellar equivalent of a stranger offering me candy. I want the candy (information), but I don’t know the stranger. What’s my alternative? Ignore them?

I try not to speculate too wildly, but come on. I’m a scientist and these are aliens. I’m going to speculate.

I should be more focused on the “first contact with intelligent aliens” thing or the “save all of humanity” thing, but gosh darn it, I can spend a moment to be happy about being right when everyone said I was wrong!

Man, being an American scientist sucks sometimes. You think in random, unpredictable units based on what situation you’re in.