Project Hail Mary

by Andy Weir

They say hunger is the greatest seasoning. When you’re starving, your brain rewards you handsomely for finally eating. Good job, it says, we get to not die for a while!

Cool thing about pendulums: The time it takes for one to swing forward and backward—the period—won’t change, no matter how wide it swings. If it’s got a lot of energy, it’ll swing farther and faster, but the period will still be the same. This is what mechanical clocks take advantage of to keep time. That period ends up being driven by two things, and two things only: the length of the pendulum and gravity.

All life needs is a chemical reaction that results in copies of the original catalyst. And you don’t need water for that!”

This star I’m looking at…it’s not the sun. I’m in a different solar system.

“I penetrated the outer cell membrane with a nanosyringe.” “You poked it with a stick?” “No!” I said. “Well. Yes. But it was a scientific poke with a very scientific stick.”

Besides, if I had a nickel for every time I wanted to smack a kid’s parents for not teaching them even the most basic things…well…I’d have enough nickels to put in a sock and smack those parents with it.

Light is a funny thing. Its wavelength defines what it can and can’t interact with. Anything smaller than the wavelength is functionally nonexistent to that photon. That’s why there’s a mesh over the window of a microwave. The holes in the mesh are too small for microwaves to pass through. But visible light, with a much shorter wavelength, can go through freely. So you get to watch your food cook without melting your face off.

Human beings have a remarkable ability to accept the abnormal and make it normal.

Oh thank God. I can’t imagine explaining “sleep” to someone who had never heard of it. Hey, I’m going to fall unconscious and hallucinate for a while. By the way, I spend a third of my time doing this. And if I can’t do it for a while, I go insane and eventually die. No need for concern.

“Yes,” he said with a smile. “It is the only way to be Russian and happy at the same time.” “That’s…dark.” “That’s Russian!”

wait. Do you call her Dr. Shapiro while having sex?” “Of course. That’s her name.” “I kind of like it,” she said. “I’m sorry I asked,”

“Ugh,” I groan. “EVAs are so much work!” “Lazy human. Go get!”

“Do not fuck up my house, Roscosmos bastards!” “Aren’t they your friends?” I asked. “They can be both!”

Humans leak! Gross.”

“Good. Proud. I am scary space monster. You are leaky space blob.”

“You face is leaking.” I wipe my eyes. “Human thing. Don’t worry about it.”

Yeah mine too

Doesn’t matter to me. I’m surrounded by Astrophage.

Omg I hope they fixed rockys

“I know you’d love a beetle to take apart, but I couldn’t spare one.”

Almost had me there...

“Settled.” He puts his claw against the divider. “Fist my bump.” I laugh and put my knuckles against the xenonite. “Fist-bump. It’s just ‘fist-bump.’ ” “Understand.”