Alchemised

by SenLinYu

“I’m sure there’s something poetic in it all, but right now all I feel is a new set of manacles.” He let go and stepped away from her, heading for the door. “So forgive me if I dislike looking at you. I’m still adjusting to the ways these new ones chafe.”

When he reached Helena, his eyes were burning with rage behind his mask, glowing bright as molten silver. “You idiot,” he said, and dragged her up out of the water, crushing her hard against his chest.

don’t get to care about you.” Her chest clenched, fingers curling into fists. “If I care about you—I won’t be able to use you. And you’re the only hope I have of keeping everyone else alive.”

“Then use me,” Kaine said.

The kisses were slow. It wasn’t seething or rushed or guilty, but it was still desperate, because he always made her desperate.

“I should have known—the moment I looked into your eyes, I should have known I would never win against you.”

Before she could bolt, he pulled her back to him and his lips found hers, and all her fears and guilt and resolution became lost to her. All she could think of was how much she wanted to be there, being touched by him. He was fire, and she was already consumed.

“You’re mine. You swore yourself to me. Now and after the war. I’m going to take care of you. I’m not going to let anyone hurt you. You don’t have to be lonely. Because you’re mine.”

She was locked in the dangerous embrace of Kaine Ferron, and it felt like home.

When Amaris arrived, she bit me about fifty times during the first week. You may recall that my back was still in tatters at the time. I nearly snapped her neck after the tenth time, but I thought, I’m in so much pain I’d love to bite someone. Why would it be different for her?

“If one person’s actions are enough to damn everyone, then the gods are terrible, and Sol is the worst of all.”

“Penny, if I thought we’d all die, I wouldn’t be so afraid of losing. What they’ll do to us if we lose will be far worse than death.” She shook her head. “There will be nothing purifying about it.”

“Tell me about your mother, Kaine. Tell me everything you could never tell anyone.” He went silent. She slid her fingers over his shoulders, tracing the interconnected scars from the array. “You can tell me. I’ll help you carry it.”

There was a grimness in his voice, and yet he was strangely breathtaking as he spoke, like the sun at its zenith.

“Come on, try touching me. Let’s see who breaks first.” Helena’s anger sat like a boulder in the pit of her stomach as she moved towards Mandl. “I’ll admit, you’re probably better than me at hurting people. I can’t beat you at your own game, but we’re playing mine.”

“Yes, I did all of this for convenience, which you know I have so abundantly in my life with my two mutually exclusive masters.”

You’ll have to recover the old-fashioned way. Go to sleep. Loath as I am to admit it, the war will still be here when you wake.”

“I think your scars are prettier than mine,” she finally said. “I have a better healer.”

“If he’s that powerful, why doesn’t he come out and win the war?” He glanced up for a moment. “He’s a god. You’ll notice that making humans die for them is the gods’ primary mode of operation.

She knew he’d seen the scar more than she had, and in far worse stages than this, but she hated having him look at it. “Do you see my scars that way?” he finally said. “When you look at me, are they all you see?” She flinched. “No.” “Well.” He met her eyes. “I don’t see you that way, either. You’re mine.”

Glory and blessings and eternity to those who believed. Just as Sol had blessed Orion. But there was no Ilva now to create a miracle.

Someday, she promised herself, someday I am going to love him in a moment that isn’t stolen.

Kings and kingdoms rise and fall. We were made for eternity, my brother and I, we were gods.

Luc sat looking at his last paladin with open grief, but when his eyes rested on her, there was only that same sadness. “You’ve always done the worst things because of me.”

“This whole war was just two brothers fighting over who gets to play god?”

If Morrough interrogated her personally, he’d find Kaine in her thoughts and memories. No amount of evasion could hide him; he was the fabric of her thoughts.

Where there was space she couldn’t reconcile, she filled it with Luc. Not his death, not Luc from the war; the Luc she’d promised to save. The version of him he’d tried to be. The Luc who’d always believed in her. It was the way he deserved to be remembered.

“When you were asleep, I used to promise I’d take care of you,” she said. “No.” He said it harshly. “That was me. I was the one who used to say that.” She opened her eyes. “I used to say it back. I guess you didn’t know.”

He looked towards her and started to speak again but then stopped. The space between them was like a chasm filled with every sin they’d ever committed against each other, but even from that distance, she could feel his anger.

She stood there, watching the space around her disappear into shadows. It was haunted after all. She had been the ghost.

“Do you have a better solution for us this time, too?” he asked quietly. “After all, not every single horror that I’ve ever imagined has happened to you yet.

“Is this not enough? There are, undoubtedly, still unexplored depths to the potential misery between us. Shall we endeavour to achieve all of it?”

Kaine watched, clearly torn between his desire to keep her in a state and place that he could fully control and not wanting to be her captor any longer. He’d had to choose, and he’d set her free.

If I have to go without you—if you—if you die—I’d want to tell them all about you.” She swallowed hard. “I’ve never gotten to tell anyone about you. I’d want someone to know what you were like.”

“I’m sorry—I’m sorry—I’m so sorry for everything I did to you,” he said, his voice hoarse and broken. “I love you. You left, and I’d never told you.”

Kaine’s expression was closed, his gaze infuriatingly patient as he walked over to her. “Can you safely handle explosives while pregnant?” Her throat closed. “We could work together—I could tell you how to—” Kaine picked up her hand and laid it against his. His fingers twitched several times, and Helena’s entire hand spasmed. “Which of us has hands steady enough to build a bomb?”

“Well, maybe if I—” “Helena, I’m tired.” She looked up and saw it in his eyes. The war had eaten him; it had carved him to the bone and not stopped even then.

“But…I want to save you back.” “I know.” He said it gently. “And if anyone could, it would be you. But I would like to say goodbye to you before you’re gone, and you are losing yourself in this.” He pulled her into his arms, his chin resting on the top of her head.

“I want this,” she said, voice shaking. “I want this on our terms before I go—please…” Her voice cracked. “This was ours…” She swallowed, blinking hard. “They took it from us, but it was ours.”

She remembered it being like this before, slow and intimate. The burning reverence of his touch when he’d made love to her.

She turned and started to move towards Helena. “Don’t,” Helena said sharply, standing up. “The last time someone came and got too close, he broke almost every bone in their body before he arrived.”

He rested his head against Amaris, and her wings fluttered. She turned her neck to nip at him. “We’ll go out together, won’t we, old girl? Bennet’s last two monsters.”

I guess in the end, I am like Luc. I thought that we could suffer enough to earn each other.”

“My eyes are getting better already,” he said, his voice hoarse. “I can see how disapproving you look.”

“He looks like your wife, doesn’t he? It’s the eyes and mouth; they’re so much like hers. He’s all you have left of her now. But every time he sees you, he hates you with your wife’s eyes.”

Because I am the last member of the Eternal Flame.”

All that mattered was that you broke, and she was right there. Your most treasured possession. You loved her right into her grave.”

“Is that what this was for?” Atreus’s furious voice broke in from where he lay contorted on the ground. “All this because you’re trying to save her?” Helena thought Kaine would ignore his father, but he looked at him. “It seems I am cursed to love as you do.”

He dipped his head. “Why is it that I have to keep all my promises, but you never seem to keep a single one of yours?” She shook her head, tilting up her face so their foreheads touched. “The first promise I made to you was that I’d be yours for as long as I live. I’m keeping that one.”

Before the Disaster, it was said people could travel by following the stars, but no one knew where they went anymore. She