Alchemised

by SenLinYu

She had known, from the moment she’d seen the array on his back, that if he survived it, it would drive him to distil his world to a single point and he would nev...

I want to save you back.”

But I would like to say goodbye to you before you’re gone, and you are losing yourself in this.”

“After everything, you’ll risk it all on this?” he asked. “If it saves you, it’s worth it.”

“Then I’ll die knowing I tried everything, which is more happily than I’ll live if I leave you here. She has nothing to gain from betraying us. She’s already lost everything.”

When she tried to picture home, this feeling was all she could imagine.

“We’ll go out together, won’t we, old girl? Bennet’s last two monsters.”

“I hate it when you kill people because of me,”

There was so much easy, indifferent death.

“There’s so much more to you,” she said, “but sometimes I feel like all I do is bring out the worst. You would never go so far if it weren’t for me. You wouldn’t be like this. I did this to you.” “You’re right. I don’t imagine I would.”

“When I’d worry about you, when I’d do things I didn’t want to, when the war felt so heavy that I was sure I’d break under it, I’d tell myself: Someday you’re going to run away with him. Somewhere quiet. You won’t ask for very much, just you and him, and that will be enough.”

It was my whole dream, to see what we could be away from the war. I thought it would all be worth it for that.”

I thought that we could suffer enough to earn each other.”

“Even at the beginning when you made your offer to Crowther, you were already planning to die, like it didn’t matter to anyone. But why are you still like that now, when it does?”

When she died—it didn’t matter. Revenge was all I could do to make up for it, and dying for that didn’t matter to anyone—not until you came along.”

“I didn’t make plans past the war because there were never any plans to make.

I’d rather die in your arms.

I’ll be fine. Almost over now.”

“I’m going to take care of you,” she whispered. “It’s—our way.”

Do you think he’ll save you?”

Kaine wasn’t going to come in time. They’d used up all their luck surviving this long.

“You came—” She reached for him. “I guess you always do.”

All that mattered was that you broke, and she was right there. Your most treasured possession. You loved her right into her grave.”

“They must have found you terribly amusing when they brought you back and you stayed loyal. And you called me the dog.”

“It seems I am cursed to love as you do.”

“You need a willing soul for that, and you’re not going to find one, because the only person who’d die for me is you.”

“You’ve hated me since before I was born.” Atreus looked away. “Your mother would want me to save you.” “Well, you’re too late,” Kaine said.

But I would rather die trying to save you than live knowing there was a chance and I didn’t take it.”

“You promised we’d run away together,” she said. “Remember?” He dipped his head. “Why is it that I have to keep all my promises, but you never seem to keep a single one of yours?”

“The first promise I made to you was that I’d be yours for as long as I live. I’m keeping that one.”

“He’s all that’s left of her now.”

“Can you really save him?” “Yes, if you truly want him to live.”

“Enid was my life,” he finally said. “If she were here, she’d tell me to save him. I never could say no to her about anything.”

I’m sorry I couldn’t save any of you.”

“I promise. I’m going to save you.”

“We’re almost to the end now. But you have to come back to me. We’re running away, remember? You, me, and our baby. We’re going to be free. I’m going to save you, but I need you to fight with me.”

“Come back to me. Stay with me.”

“Your mother was always so proud of you. She said you were the best thing we ever made.”

“Save him.”

“We did it, Kaine,” she said. “Just like we always said we would.”

He was right, there was nothing wrong, but he felt delicate as a spiderweb inside.

“You already told me all this yesterday. You know, I do make a habit of listening when you talk.”

Kaine was still asleep beside her, his face turned towards her as if he’d fallen asleep staring at her.

Even staring at him, she could not shake the feeling that it wasn’t real. And even if it somehow was, then it would not last. The beautiful things in her life never did.

I’m not going to let anything take me from you.”

“It’s going to fall apart. It always—falls apart.”

“Don’t act like it’s fine.” She pulled her hand free. “It is fine if I get you instead.”

They’d spent years surviving on stolen moments, and now she finally felt how starved it had left her.

You have broken yourself into pieces, over and over, because of me, and you don’t seem to understand that it kills me. Living is not worth it to me if you’re the one who keeps paying the price for it. Let me fix what I can.”

“We have to stop hurting ourselves for each other,” she finally said. “Both of us. We’re not going to last if this is the only way we know how to love.”