Alchemised

by SenLinYu

“Be careful. Don’t die.” He stood unmoving for a moment, staring at her, and then turned away. “Right.”

“Today, you didn’t say you’d always come for me,” she said. “You used to say that when I had to go. When I—” She blinked, one hand spasming. “I think. Didn’t you?”

“I thought it a rather empty promise at this point.”

I looked everywhere—except the one place that mattered.”

He was always cruellest when he was vulnerable.

“This is the best I can do, Helena. I’m sorry, I know it’s never been enough for you.”

“I know you want to save everyone; you always do. Unfortunately, that’s not a talent I possess. At least this way you’ll see the war ended. I can give you that.”

“You always said you wouldn’t choose me over everyone else. I am chained to a sinking ship. I will not take you with me.”

“We said we’d run away together. Remember? Why can’t we run away? You said you travelled; we could run and I’ll find a way to reverse what happened to

“I promised to take care of you first,” she said, snatching her hand back. “Always. I promised you always.

“Don’t lie to me anymore. I don’t want to wonder, every time, whether you’re telling the truth.”

“Whenever you leave, I never feel sure of what—what version of you will come back.

“I want you to stay,” she said, her voice a whisper.

I’d do it all again, every second, to save you.”

“You didn’t save me,” he said when he was finally capable of speech. “You just put us in hell for two years.”

“You shouldn’t have assumed I’d be willing to lose you,” she said. “Did you think I cared less because I had other obligations? That I don’t feel things as much as you? I did everything I could to keep you safe. You don’t know all the things I did.”

“Every time you asked, I promised I was yours. Always. There aren’t any exemptions or expiration dates on always.”

But this close, despite the alterations of time, he was hers. Still. Just as he had been.

He’d loved her, even though he never expected them to be anything but doomed. He’d loved her all the same.

“I’m going to take care of you,” she mou...

“Come back to me, all right?” “I will.”

If I have to go without you—if you—if you die—I’d want to tell them all about you.” She swallowed hard. “I’ve never gotten to tell anyone about you. I’d want someone to know what you were like.”

“You’re mine,”

you were the only thing that ever felt safe. I thought I was going mad, but a part of me always knew you. I left a note. Didn’t you get my note? I love you.”

“I love you. And I always will. Always.”

He kissed her like he was starving. As though he were trying to pour himself into her or consume her.

He’s mine. He is all mine,

I’m sorry—I’m so sorry for everything I did to you,” he said, his voice hoarse and broken. “I love you. You left, and I’d never told you.”

Kaine had been right when he’d called her desperate to love someone. It seemed to be her fatal flaw.

It’s strange…I don’t know why I have so much trouble remembering moments.”

Attempting it might destroy the fragile safe haven they still had in each other.

She rested her head on his shoulder, entwining her arm with his as they sat there in the lengthening dark, amid the ruins of all they’d once been.

Your heart could fail, and if I’m not here, you’ll be gone. Just like—” He went silent. “Don’t do this to me.”

“But I have to save you.”

You cannot save me. I cannot be saved.”

“There’s a point when you have to realise that you aren’t going to get everything you want. You have to choose and let it be enough for you.

“I don’t want to choose. I always have to choose, and I never get to choose you. I’m so tired of not getting to choose you.”

“You’re not choosing. You promised me anything I wanted. I want you to stop breaking yourself trying to save me. Go. Live. Tell our daughter I saved you both. That—is what I want.”

“Did you know, you are the worst promise keeper I have ever met?” Her throat tightened. “I keep the ones that matter.”

“That’s why you never seem to keep any of the promises that I care about.”

“You care about this baby. You worried about her so constantly, you wrecked your heart with fear over what would happen to her. Now you’re so preoccupied trying to save me that you’re letting yourself forget that she is dependent on you. I can’t protect her from you. Endangering yourself trying to save me risks her.”

“You have to let me go now.”

“You think I’ll be calm if I stop? If I have nothing to do but to sit in this room and wait to lose you? You wouldn’t. You never would.”

She could feel Kaine’s rage simmering beneath his skin.

Atreus glared at him for a moment and then moved suddenly towards Helena. She shrank towards Kaine on instinct.

“You have flown too high, and all that is left for you is an immense fall.”

“Will you come back, after?” She could see his silver eyes in the darkness. “If you want me to.”

When he watched her, there was such visible grief in his eyes, she didn’t know how she hadn’t recognised it sooner.

“Helena, I’m tired.”

The war had eaten him; it had carved him to the bone and not stopped even then. He was scarcely more than a ghost.