Alchemised

by SenLinYu

“I don’t know—” she said. The words came out a half sob. “I promise I don’t.” Atreus sighed. “Kaine will be so disappointed when he finds you.” His fingers snapped again. Fire ran down her back like the lash of a whip. She seized so violently that her head slammed against the window, nearly knocking her out. Her ears were ringing from the blow, and everything seemed to slow, her panic giving way to a slow lucidity. Kaine wasn’t going to come in time.

“He looks like your wife, doesn’t he? It’s the eyes and mouth; they’re so much like hers. He’s all you have left of her now. But every time he sees you, he hates you with your wife’s eyes.”

She inhaled. “I know you don’t want to believe it’s possible, because hoping terrifies you. But I would rather die trying to save you than live knowing there was a chance and I didn’t take it.” She could feel him wavering.

“You promised we’d run away together,” she said. “Remember?” He dipped his head. “Why is it that I have to keep all my promises, but you never seem to keep a single one of yours?” She shook her head, tilting up her face so their foreheads touched. “The first promise I made to you was that I’d be yours for as long as I live. I’m keeping that one.”

“Is Amaris ready?” he said. One of them nodded. Kaine stood there, not moving. “I never—I never told you—I’m sorry I couldn’t save any of you.”

“I need you,” she said. “We’re almost to the end now. But you have to come back to me. We’re running away, remember? You, me, and our baby. We’re going to be free. I’m going to save you, but I need you to fight with me.”

“Your mother was always so proud of you. She said you were the best thing we ever made.” Then Atreus looked at Helena. “Save him.”

“We did it, Kaine,” she said. “Just like we always said we would.”

He tucked a curl behind her ear. “You already told me all this yesterday. You know, I do make a habit of listening when you talk.”

“Helena—Helena, breathe. Look at me. I’m going to be careful. I’m not going to let anything take me from you.”

After flying that night, they reached another hunting cabin. The travel exhausted them both. They barely spoke, just slept tangled in each other’s arms until it was nearly evening. When she woke, Kaine was sitting beside her. His eyes had the faintest gleam to them again. He looked almost like a painting. She could see the possessiveness in his eyes, enough to realise how absent it had been in his attempts to let her go. He leaned over her and kissed her.

Amaris descended straight towards it. The shutters rattled violently as Amaris’s wings fluttered. Helena slid off, legs aching. A door flew open, and warm light poured out. Helena squinted. Haloed in the doorway stood Lila.

Helena’s shoulders tensed. “Yes. Running away together was always our plan. I added you to it because Luc asked me to make sure you and Pol were safe.”

“Pol,” Lila said, nuzzling her face in his messy blond hair, “this is your godmother, Helena. Do you remember that I told you about her? She was one of your father’s best friends. She always looked out for him and me, and now—” Lila swallowed. “Now she’s going to help look out for you. Isn’t that nice? She came here with Ferron. You might not remember him, but you met him when you were smaller.” Pol peered through Lila’s hair at Helena, with Luc’s dancing eyes, and it was like meeting Luc again—the young version of him that she’d watched vanish.

A minute later he came back out. He stood there, staring up at the sky for so long that her heart began to pound in her chest. When finally he came back inside, he stopped behind her.

She looked out towards the rising sea. “I’m sure there will be good days and bad days for us. Too much has happened to ever really put it behind us, but if you choose me, and I choose you, I think we’re strong enough to make it.”

“You mad thing—how did you get here?” He could barely get the question out, because Amaris was licking his face over and over, her wings sending up a dust storm.

As weeks turned into months, the full breadth of his possessiveness began to reassert itself. During the day, he would watch Helena work with an intensity that she could feel in her marrow. When they were alone, she would stop what she was doing and let him consume her. His lips whispering perfect, beautiful, mine with every nip and caress. “Yours, always,” she’d promise.

“You have to care. You have to choose to care. The way you are, if you don’t, you won’t—and she’ll know. Just like you did. You cannot do that to her. She has to be someone that you decide to care about.” She swallowed hard, looking down. “We don’t know how long I’ll…after everything. I need you to promise that if I’m not here, you’ll love her for me”—her voice cracked—“the way I would love her. She has to be that important to you. Do you promise?” Kaine had grown pale, but he nodded. “All right.” “Promise me.” “I promise.”

“I hate this,” Helena finally said, beginning to feel like it was never going to end, her forehead slick, curls clinging to her face. “I know.” Kaine smoothed her hair. “It hurts.” “Yes.” “I’m tired. I’ve been pushing for hours.” “I know.” “Stop agreeing with me.”

Helena gave a sob and held her tighter. “Kaine—she has your eyes.”

“Look at her. She’s ours. She’s all ours. You’re not going to hurt her.” Kaine was frozen as he stared at her. He’d stopped breathing, and his fingers spasmed, trembling as he finally reached out. He barely brushed the baby’s palm, as if he thought his touch might poison or break her. The tiny hand instantly closed around his finger, gripping it. Helena watched him and recognised the expression that slowly filled his eyes as he stared at the tiny person tenaciously clinging to him: possessive adoration.

Once Enid could safely sit up, she would spend half the day sitting on Kaine’s shoulders, riding about with him while he walked the perimeter of the property over and over, checking all the buildings and visiting Amaris, who would vibrate with excitement but hold utterly still when Enid tugged her ears and patted her.

Kaine talked to Enid more than he talked to anyone, even Helena. He would monologue to her about everything: the trees, the sea, the tide and moons, alchemy techniques and array theories, what the weather might be, and Enid listened to him intently, fretting if he got distracted or fell silent for too long.

But Helena felt sick reading of it, overcome by a sense of betrayal. How different it could have been if the international community had decided to put even a negligible amount of effort into caring sooner. If Hevgoss and Novis had been less concerned over which of them would control Paladia afterwards. They’d all bided their time, waiting until the situation grew intolerable for them, and only striking after their victory was assured, and still somehow they were heroic.

“Love isn’t as pretty or pure as people like to think. There’s a darkness in it sometimes. Kaine and I go hand in hand. I made him who he is. I knew what that array meant when I saved him. If he’s a monster, then I’m his creator.”

Her stomach flipped. “So, what do we do now?” The corner of his mouth curved into a smile that had only ever been for her. “Anything. Whatever you want.”

“But—” Enid’s jaw trembled. “—she doesn’t deserve to be forgotten like this. She shouldn’t be a footnote. This shouldn’t be the only entry she even has. She deserves her own chapter. She deserves a whole damned book of her own.”

“And the things they say about Dad—like he wanted it all, that he asked to have it done to him—” She scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and drew a deep breath.

Pol smiled at her, his eyes bright and earnest. “You’ll always have me.”

Enid’s cheeks flushed. Pol’s eyes darkened and he shifted forward, closing the space between them. The bell at the door rang out sharply. Pol straightened, drawing his hand back and running it through his hair several times as he cleared his throat.

Hibernal Solstice, Solar Year 1786 PD. Principate Lucien Holdfast with Paladin Soren Bayard (See: Bayard, Soren; chapter 12, “A Life of Legacy”) and foreign-born alchemist Helena Marino. Marino left the city at the start of the Paladian Civil War to study healing. She survived the war but died during imprisonment prior to Liberation. She was a non-active member of the Order of the Eternal Flame and did not fight.