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He was always cruellest when he was vulnerable.
“You—were you a virgin?” Helena looked down. There was blood smeared at the top of her inner thigh. No wonder it had hurt.
“I can’t—I can’t do this again—” he finally gasped out. “I can’t care for someone again. I can’t take it.”
My heart...
“One more meeting to go, then. So this was a goodbye fuck? Final payment for services rendered?”
“What do they want?” His voice was almost a whisper. She looked back. “What?” “Is it—actual crawling? Or was there something more constructive Ilva had in mind?” Her throat closed. “I—I’d have to ask.” “Find out. I’ll do it.”
MY HEART
“Why are you offering?” Her voice rose, a note of hysteria in it. He looked up at her a moment. “I realised just now that I’d miscalculated something. It hadn’t occurred to me that I’d made you marketable.”
“He wants to know what you want. You and Ilva. What proof of loyalty you expect from him.” The air shifted and then Crowther’s fingers grasped hold of Helena’s shoulder, pulling her to her feet and turning her to face him. His eyes swept from the top of her head and slowly down, catching on various points along the way. “What did you do?” he finally said.
WHAT YOU ALWAYS WANTED HER TO DO MOFOKER
She swallowed hard, trying not to cry. Of course he’d gone. He wasn’t going to listen. No one would. He’d picked up whatever he’d come for and left again. A pit of despair opened in her stomach. Your failure was always the plan.
They always wanted her failure
“He was so upset afterwards that he told me everything. He started crying after he told me about his mother. He always knew you were going to betray him. It was part of his plan. That’s why he’s kept climbing rank; he figured the more important he was, the greater the blow—when it happened.”
Everyone knew but her
“There was no time to train you for the assignment. We thought it best to let the deal run its course and—collect the pieces afterwards. It made you more convincing.”
HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE
“You can go now, Marino. I’m sure Crowther can find his way back on his own.” Helena hesitated, looking between the two men. Amusement lit Crowther’s face as he glanced at Helena, too. “No need to walk back alone. Wait outside, Marino. I’m sure Ferron won’t let anything happen to you on the landing.” The muscle in Kaine’s jaw ticked, but he didn’t speak.
THEYRE USING HER AS BAIT NOW
Helena looked between them and then turned reluctantly and went out to the landing. She only heard Crowther utter one word before the door sealed shut: “Beg.”
MOTHERFUCKER
any demands of her except to pass on their orders. She was a collar around Kaine’s neck, and her job now was to bear it.
“I thought you had prepared for this eventuality,” Ilva said. “What have you all been doing?” Helena’s jaw tensed. Why was it always the hospital’s fault when things went wrong?
Ugh I feel this
You won’t see things from the right.” “I’ll just turn my head,” he said in a flat voice. “Handy thing, necks.”
HAHAHA
“You know, I used to think the circumstances of my servitude to the High Necromancer as cruel an enslavement as anyone could conceive, but I must admit, it pales beside you.” He tilted his head. “At least before, I could console myself that it wasn’t my fault; acceptance was the best I could do to keep my mother safe. It’s different when I have no one to blame but myself.”
He's so broken ;-;
“I’m sure there’s something poetic in it all, but right now all I feel is a new set of manacles.” He let go and stepped away from her, heading for the door. “So forgive me if I dislike looking at you. I’m still adjusting to the ways these new ones chafe.”
“You can’t volunteer the others for a mission like that. Are you planning to tell them that’s why I’m here? That you chose me because you want necromancy as your backup plan?”
This is not gonna end well is it?
“That’s not the only reason,” he said. “You are the best. I’m not volunteering them, just me. If something goes wrong, you do anything you have to to get them out. This is me giving you permission.”
Even with his permission this is gonna go sideways
“I need you to go there, as quickly as you can. It’s—enemy territory, but if you see a necrothrall, say ‘Helena sent me’ and they should leave you alone. Take this route.”
This sounds like a mistake
She met his eyes for one guilt-stricken moment and turned back, pulling Soren’s body against her. “Anything,” she said, pressing a hand against his neck. “Whatever the price.” She pushed the energy out of her body and brought him back.
Muscle memory lingered, like a sleepwalker’s habits, even when the person was gone. She could see herself through him. Her consciousness kept flickering back and forth along the connection forged between them. He turned then and saw Luc, and she felt the pull towards him. He looked for Lila next. Luc saw Soren standing, and for an instant, relief flooded across his face. Then vanished. Luc knew. In an instant, he somehow knew.
Basilius Blackthorne peered at her, teeth bared in a grin, bloodstains from mouth to chin. He ate his wife and children with those teeth… “The Eternal Flame has a necromancer, I see.”
AAAAAAAAAH NOOOO
He was still fighting. His weapon was gone, but he had a knife. Penny was screaming behind him, but Alister held her back. Soren kept stabbing, tearing, clawing his way through, following her instruction not to stop fighting even as he was ripped apart. Dead fingers scrabbled across his face, finding his remaining eye. His jaw was torn down, his throat left gaping.
Oh Soren...
“You idiot,” he said, and dragged her up out of the water, crushing her hard against his chest.
He cradled it in both of his and ran his thumbs across her palm and up to her wrist, his resonance like a balm, repairing the damaged tissue and the broken blood vessels with the sweep of his thumbs, then working along each finger. He was so gentle. She recognised the technique. She hadn’t realised he’d paid attention.
“Remind Crowther that if the Eternal Flame wants my continued assistance, they will keep you alive.”
“You are not expendable. You don’t get to push everyone away so that they’ll feel comfortable using you and letting you die.”
You need to tattoo it to her face
“This is war,” she said, forcing her voice to stay steady. “It’s not some sort of tragic self-condemnation to be expendable. It’s a strategic liability not to be.” She met his eyes. “That was why you picked me, remember?” Her voice broke. “Well, thanks to you, I’m worth less now. They added all these new healers after you asked for me. I had to train all my replacements.” She gave a bitter laugh. “You made me as expendable as I am now. And you didn’t even want me, either.”
“You are not replaceable,” he said, his hands trembling against her shoulders. “You are not required to make your death convenient. You are allowed to be important to people. The reason I’m here—the reason I’m doing any of this—is to keep you alive. To keep you safe. That was the deal.” He searched her face. “They didn’t tell you.”
They didn't tell her about everything else!! You expected them to tell her about this????
He touched her cheek, tilting her face up and kissing her. “Use the ring, call me, if you ever need anything.”
AAAAAAH
She was— A prison.
Only thing that keeps him fighting
“You—” His eyes were suddenly clear and burning. “You used necromancy on Soren.”
TRAITOR
“I tried to heal him. I’m sorry.” “He was alive. Why didn’t you just heal him?” Luc’s voice was racked with grief.
BECAUSE SHE SPENT HERSELF FIXING YOU
YOU WANTED HER TO DIE TRYING? DOES SHE HAVE SO LITTLE IMPORTANCE TO YOU?!?!
“I’m sorry, Luc.” “Get out…” He wasn’t looking at her anymore. His gaze lost focus, and he swayed. “Luc, you’re sick—” “Get out!” He closed his eyes, starting to shudder again, his breathing coming faster and faster as if being in the same room with her was about to drive him mad. “Get out! Get out! Get out!”
FUCK
YOU
LUC
She hadn’t known necromancy was like that. That she would never be free of the person she brought back.
That explains why she barely remembered him in part 1
“Do you think this is what my subconscious thinks I want?” she asked, peering towards the light of the Alchemy Tower’s beacon gleaming like a small golden sun. “To run away from the war with you?”
YES.
“I don’t want to always be alone,” she said. It was easier to be honest in the dark. “I want to love someone without feeling like if they know, it’ll end up hurting them. People who love me always die. No matter what I do, it’s never enough to save them. I have to love everyone from a distance, and I’m so lonely.”
“I don’t get to care about you.” Her chest clenched, fingers curling into fists. “If I care about you—I won’t be able to use you. And you’re the only hope I have of keeping everyone else alive.”
“You don’t have to push me away to protect me,” he said in a hard, familiar voice. “I can take it. You can stop being lonely. I won’t misunderstand. I know you just want someone to be with.” She looked for a door. An escape. He didn’t let go. “Helena…” She stilled at her name. “I’m alone, too,” he said.
MY HEART ACHES FOR THEM
“I’m sorry.” His hand still entwined with hers tightened. “I’m so sorry. I ruined so much of this for you. This is how it’s supposed to be. Let me give this to you now.”
*Sobs*
“I should have known—the moment I looked into your eyes, I should have known I would never win against you.”
“This was a mistake,” she said. “I shouldn’t have come here.” His throat dipped as he looked away. “Don’t worry,” he said quietly. “This won’t complicate anything for you. You wanted someone to be with, and I was available. I know it didn’t mean anything.”
*bashes head on wall*
Aaaaaaaaaaaah
his expression was withdrawn, and then, in an instant, triumph flashed across his face and he reached for her again.
Victory?
All she could think of was how much she wanted to be there, being touched by him. He was fire, and she was already consumed. “You’re mine,”
VICTORY!!
