More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
We picked it up on Canal Street, at the loft of a guy named Hugh
For the first time since arriving in New York, I feel like I’ve plugged a leak.
Working as an elf in Macy’s SantaLand means being at the center of the excitement…”
I was so relieved when it ended that I applauded—a mistake, as I don’t think things like this should be encouraged.
I was excited to be there and decided to have a crush on him.
There are various ways of being categorized as bad. “Parents can get cranky,” Marianne said. “Children can get cranky. But an elf cannot get cranky.”
Today I ate in the cafeteria with a she-elf whose husband is a female impersonator. Hmmmm.
“And, hey, Santa,” one of them said. “Look after our boys in the Gulf, will you?” He said it with such gooey poignancy. Santa and I laughed merrily after they’d left.
When a couple of P.E. majors asked what it was, I told them that it was a high-protein salad dressing my mom had sent me. Several of them asked to share my dressing, which I gladly did.
Sounds like he inspired a "South Park" episode....
Then there were guys, most of whom were dandelions. That’s my name for men with short hair dyed yellow. They almost always have two pierced ears and wear leather jackets.
It’s strange to see the war from New York. I’ve noticed a surprising number of yellow ribbons and posters of American flags with the words THESE COLORS DON’T RUN printed beneath them.
Hugh and I flirted all night. Is that the right word? I drank out of his glass and got him to say that he hated me, which usually means the opposite. At the end of the night he said he’d call me later this week.
The Village Voice came out with me in the Choices section. “North Carolina transplant David Sedaris reads his wry, hilarious stories and diaries, withering social comedy leavened by an emphatic eye for the soulful ridiculousness of our behavior.”
This spring I am, if I’m not mistaken, in love.
They’ve built a special bathroom for their dogs with a floor that flushes.
We went over at the end of the day, and I couldn’t believe my eyes. In the living room, or whatever you call the room next to the living room, she had a
can’t wait in line at a restaurant or the post office—she doesn’t have that kind of time.
I’ve always counted on things to work out, and they usually do, but the stakes are higher here.
I’m surrounded by people who have more money than they know what to do with, and none of them have earned it.
his dad is a veterinarian. You’d think that would spell pets, but his mother didn’t want animals walking through the rooms of their house unescorted, so they had none.
I don’t know where to begin with these assholes, I really don’t.
I don’t think Alba understands the thoughts of people who are working.
It must be hard having someone who never lifts a finger telling you all day to be careful, to not scratch the walls or drop something, etc., but he was good at tuning it out.
Some little bitch kept phoning the short woman’s house, and she’d had it. “When I get mad, I don’t argue,” she said. “I swing.”
across the road was a pleasant cemetery we could walk to and get high in a circle of stone crosses tall enough to actually crucify people on.
With the letter p, a shard of tortilla chip flew from my mouth right into the corner of her eye.
Yikes. You’d think an adult would know better: Beer on wine, you’re fine. Wine on beer, stand clear. But eleven Prosecco cocktails should not precede anything, not even a twelfth.
I got socked by the weirdest feeling. I thought that Hugh was going to die, and I must have said something because he accused me of being dramatic. I can’t believe this has happened.
I spent the day on a scaffold, helping Mark and Lily paint a restaurant. I was hoping that maybe I’d fall, get amnesia, and forget that I drink.
not feeling intimidated the way I normally do but thinking, Out of my way. This is mine.
the woman, whose last name was Pizza,
he’d just been at the barbershop and saw a GQ magazine with a guy on the cover who looked just like me. So I went to the newsstand and found a copy and the person on the cover was not a model but Gary Oldman.
I have an appointment at the World Trade Center,
“Why do you want to work with sandwiches?” Charlotte asked. And I thought, Well, I don’t, really. It’s just that I need a job.
Brooklyn is covered in graffiti. Absolutely covered.
they went to a really tough school where every day someone got shot and killed.
“you can either get off at One Hundred and Twenty-Fifth Street or go to jail.” To this, the first kid said, “Which one?”
Even in a jar, that kid has outearned me.
Of course, this is nothing. If I were black, I’d get this several times a day. And I’d be really angry all the time.
When a car alarm went off, one of them turned to the other, saying, “That’s the Puerto Rican national anthem.”
the cops stopped and asked him what it was like to be a murderer. In response, Richie punched one of the policemen in the face and knocked him out.
The drinking didn’t bother me, but the umpteen marriages and the thought of all those stepsisters definitely tarnished the beautiful picture I had formed in my mind.
What were you doing while I was wandering the maze or having nickels thrown at me? I’d wonder, looking at someone in a hooded Gang Starr sweatshirt. And what was I doing when you got that teardrop tattooed on your cheek?
“So, if you could meet the person who wrote this, what would you ask?” The guy next to Eddie put up his hand. “I’d ax, Yo, is you a faggot or what?”
I have an allergic reaction to my voice,
Paul Dinello has agreed to take over my part. Hugh and Amy say, “Oh, you know you love being onstage.” But they’re wrong. I don’t. Not like that, anyway.
This morning I looked in the mirror beside our bed and saw a whale—a fur-bearing one—looking back at me. A very tired fur-bearing whale with a cat beside him. The cat looked familiar.
it lasted only a few minutes, as who wants to live in Queens?
two young men came around the corner. One of them said to the other, “I need to talk about this shit now.” To punctuate, he used his elbow to smash the window of a parked car.
has a shag haircut and several tattoos, one of which reads Brandi loves…The name has been rubbed out.
