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“Fuck.” Gavin looked up at me and said, “I wanna see if I like my lips around your cock, Becky.” “Fuck,” I said again,
If anyone were to ask me when I started loving Gavin Forster, I’d tell them I was six years old and he’d come barreling out of his house, tripping over himself with a huge grin on his face and a joy in his eyes I’d never seen on anyone before—a joy that was all for me. If anyone were to ask me when I fell in love with him, I’d tell them I was thirteen years old and one day, when we were just lying in his backyard watching fat, lazy clouds roll across the blue, blue sky, I realized my regular old love had shifted into something more powerful than I’d ever felt before, something that made my
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I loved having him in my mouth as much as I loved having him in my ass, and sometimes I just wanted to lay my head on his stomach and keep him in my mouth. Sometimes he would let me and just run his hands through my hair.
“I don’t want you. I need you. I’ve always needed you. Whole, mangled, torn into pieces, I will take you however you are. You are the only thing in my life that’s ever been worth something. The only person I felt like I might not be able to live without.
He’d said these words to me before. But…before. Before I’d ever called him names or tripped him in the halls. Before I’d made the worst choice of my life and shut him out. Before I let things get so out of control, before I ran so far from where I’d started that there was never any going back.
“I’m not something you need to earn. What I feel for you is unconditional, okay? That means that no matter what, I will love you. I am willingly giving you my love. It’s free, baby. There’s nothing you need to do to earn it. Do you trust me?”
Your dad’s lies are not your truth. He dug himself deep, I know that, and it’s gonna take time to drag him out, I know that too. But one way or another, we are going to get rid of him until you are left with just yourself again. Just you. And baby, there is nothing more beautiful than you.”
“You are the only reason I’m still here right now,” he said softly. “I stayed because you stayed. Wherever you are is the only place I ever want to be because you are everything to me, Beck. You always have been.”
“I love you, Gavin.” He tensed in my arms, then relaxed, so I continued. “I’ve always loved you. And when I lost you…I lost the best part of myself.”
“I lost my best friend. I lost everything. You are everything, and I lost you.”
“I won’t lose you again. I won’t let anyone take you from me, and I won’t ever let you take yourself from me. Not when I’ve finally found you again.”
“That’s it, baby. I want you to make a mess all over me. Do you know how fucking sexy you are when you get like this? It makes me want to bend you over something and fuck into you until you’re full of my cum.”
I thought I was dying, and that had terrified me. I didn’t want to die anymore. It would’ve been tragically ironic if I’d died right when I was starting to live again.
Just like all those years ago, my dad had burst into our lives and taken us away from each other, just when we were beginning to find out what we could be together.
How can you fucking live with yourself?” Didn’t he know I couldn’t? Couldn’t he see how much I wanted to take all the suffering I’d caused back onto myself and just live in it? Die in it?
And yeah, you’re a dick sometimes, but you’re my fucking dick, okay? You’re my dick and my asshole.” His lips tilted up a the corners, and god, I was so fucking glad I could still make him smile despite everything. “You sure you don’t want to rephrase that though?”
I knew, of all the things I’d done in my life, of all the many ways I’d fucked up, the only thing I ever did right was loving Beck.
“That’s right. You’re mine. Always have been and always will be.”
“Thank you, Becky. For always being here for me.” “You’re stuck with me, baby. No getting rid of me now.” As if I’d ever want to.
