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“Stop fucking fighting me, Gavin! I’m not your fucking enemy! I’m just trying to help you! Let me fucking help you, you goddamn stubborn asshole!”
“Why? Why the fuck do you even care what happens to me?” There was a pause, and then he said, “Because no one else does.”
The only ID I had was my driver’s license, and it was in my wallet that had mysteriously gone missing along with my clothes the night I got blackout drunk and ended up in some bushes.
I feel like this is gonna come up again...
You will never know what it’s like to be so afraid of something you would do anything—fucking anything—to stop it from happening. Never.”
Seventy-five percent of the time, he was his usual asshole self. But when he gave me those few moments of a different side of him, a softer side, something so similar to the boy I used to know, it only made me cling harder to the hope that I could still fucking help him.
I was the world’s biggest piece of shit, and unfortunately, Beck had stepped in me.
But you don’t have to keep attacking me when you get overwhelmed. I’m not ever gonna snap back or deliberately hurt you, Gavin. You’re safe with me.”
I craved being near him no matter how mean he was to me. My soul craved it.
“I don’t understand,” he croaked, startling me. “Why, after everything I’ve done to you…why are you still so fucking nice to me?”
I’m the same person I’ve always been. I’m not the one who changed.”
The thin tendrils of hope that were clinging to me thickened, tightened, and for the first time, I thought maybe—maybe I could save him after all.
I was fourteen when my dad took his belt to my back, screaming that no son of his would be gay. But Beck wasn’t there when it was over, and nothing was ever okay again.
I was so afraid that he would try and take me away from Beck. I was even more afraid that Beck would let him.
He’d protected me, just like he’d tried to do when we were fourteen. Only this time, he was much, much bigger than my dad.
He was the only person I’d ever felt anything for. Anything at all.
Ten years I’ve waited to hear something—anything—from you that let me know you were still in there. Ten fucking years, Gavin.”
I’d noticed he’d taken all the knives out of the kitchen. Anything with a point was missing.
He shoved his hands into my hair, gripping my head with both hands, hissed, “I fucking hate you,” and crushed his lips to mine.
If he thought I’d ever let him go now, he was fucking crazy.
“Beck. Beck. I’m gonna come, I’m gonna fucking come.” I grabbed onto his ass with my other hand, squeezing and kneading to encourage him, every slide of his cock against mine sending a pulsing wave of euphoria through my balls. “Come on me. It’s okay, baby, just let yourself go,” I panted.
I raised my eyes back to his, and the knowing that glittered in those midnight blues made me want to throw my cards in the air and then turn the table over. It made me want to lunge across the table and wrestle him to the ground. To grapple with him until I inevitably lost, until he mounted me and forced me to submit.
His voice was as soft as his eyes, and I was getting lost in them. I wanted to get lost in them, to stay lost in some part of him, because then maybe he would have to keep me if I couldn’t find my way out.
I was seconds away from begging him to never let me go. To keep me forever, to keep making me feel like this forever.
I won’t ever let anything or anyone hurt you again. Not your dad. Not you.” He lifted his eyes to mine in the mirror, and the almost ruthless resolution in them sent a thrilling flare of heat down my spine. “Especially not me.”
“I missed you so much,” he whispered raggedly. His words shattered me, and all I could do was hold onto him and think I missed you too.
“You like that, don’t you? You like it when I pull your hair,”
“You like it when I get rough with you.”
“Do you want to find out what else you like, princess?”
I was starving for Gavin. Ravenous. I wanted to fill myself on his whimpers and shivers, wanted to lick every inch of his body, wanted to cover him in my cum and then clean it off with my tongue.
It’s okay, baby. You’re okay.” Gavin’s breaths were ragged against my neck, and he dropped his forehead onto my shoulder. “Baby?” he mumbled against me. “Don’t fucking call me that.”
“Please don’t hide from me anymore. Please, Gavin. Stay. Just stay with me. I need you, okay? I need you here. You belong here. With me.”
He’d made me feral, just like him.
“Do you know how many times I’ve imagined you like this?” I panted, staring into his hooded eyes. “A fucked-out mess with my cum all over you? Looking like that, just for me?”
“I think I like anything, as long as it’s you, Beck.”
I have missed you every day for ten years, Gavin.”
It was as if half my heart had been cut from my chest, and the other half did what it could for as long as it was able, but at some point, it began to fail. Because it knew a life without Beck wasn’t much of a life at all.
“You want me to be rough with you?” he said, his voice husky now. “Is that it? You need me to handle you, princess?”
“What did you think about when you fucked yourself?” His voice was right next to my ear again, the husky warmth of it sending anticipatory shivers down my spine. “You,” I rasped. “It was always you.”
“I want to fill you with my cum and watch it drip out of you,” I rasped, staring down at him as he looked between our bodies, watching our cocks rub together. “Yeah,” he moaned. “Fucking do that. I want your cum so fucking bad, Becky.”
“I have never wanted anyone the way I want you,” I said softly. “You have always been it for me, Gavin.”
“You like that?” I murmured, watching his flush deepen. “Did you think about this, princess? Did you think about me touching you like this? My fingers deep inside of you?”
I wanted to give him everything he needed, and if that was me, then he could have me. He’d always had me anyway.
A fierce wave of possessiveness crashed over me, making me want to mark him permanently, let the world know he was mine. But first I would let him know. “You’re fucking mine,” I said harshly, tugging his head to the side and pressing my lips to his ear as I fucked into him. “You’re mine and you’ve always been mine. Haven’t you?”
“Did you mean it when you said ‘always’?” “Gavin,” I started, cupping his face in my hands. “I mean every single word I say to you. Got it? I’ve never lied to you, nor will I ever lie to you. You can trust the things I say, okay?”
“I hate him, Beck. I hate him so much for what he did to me. To us. I fucking hate him.” I kissed the back of his neck and said, “I know, baby, but I’ve got you now. I won’t ever let him hurt you again.”
“I don’t deserve you,” he said, his voice cracking on the last word. I nuzzled my nose against his. “Yeah, you do. You really do. And I deserve you, too. I think after ten years of bullshit, we should at least believe that, don’t you?”
I was his fucking first? I’d be his last, too. His everything. Forever his.
It’s just sex, Beck. Who cares if it’s the first time or the second or hundredth!” I sputtered. “Just sex? You gave me your fucking virginity!”
