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“Then what the fuck are you sitting still for?” he purred into my ear. “I told you to ride it.”
“It’s okay to let it out,” he said, rubbing my back. “I can’t. This is such awkward timing.” “It’s perfect timing,” he countered. “One release triggered another. Let go. I told you, I’ve got you, baby.”
marry him
He huffed out a laugh. “You and me both. I’ve never seen a more beautiful sight than you speared on that handle. Look.” He jerked his head down, and I followed his gaze straight to the wet spot on his crotch. I frowned. “Did you…?” “Come in my pants when your ass clenched around my finger, and you came so hard that you squirted on me? Abso-fucking-lutely. That’s how fucked up you’ve got me, baby. You don’t even need to touch me to get me off.”
my brain just short-circuited😩
Josh turned toward it and yelled, batman-style. “Have you no respect for our alone time?” Yowl. “I’m not having this argument with you, young man!” Josh called back. Yowl. “Excuse you, sir. You better not talk to your mother like that when I’m not around.”
“That’s it,” Josh said, scooping him up and carrying him out of sight. “Ow. Jesus, be gentle, Fred. You’re clawing through my shirt again. Yes, I know you’re glad to see me.” His voice grew quieter the farther away he walked. “Yes, I missed you too, but screaming at people isn’t the way to show that you care, and don’t you dare point out my stalking. We’re talking about your eccentricities right now, not Daddy’s.”
“I don’t know. I’ve gone blind,” I said, voice laced with panic.
“Help me,” I whimpered, Batman-style, and yes, it was just as pathetic as it sounds.
💀
I jumped out of bed, clad only in my boxers. Where the fuck was Fred? My eyes snagged on his black and white form, curled on the nearby armchair. I grabbed him and handed him to his mother. “Protect the baby,” I told her.
Maybe I was already dead because kissing Aly felt a lot like heaven.
“Masked men? No. There was that shirtless jump roper and a firefighter or two, though.” My spine stiffened. “Woman, you better be joking, or we are about to have our second fight.”
What had she said the first time I watched her through her computer? That Fred only liked me because cats were sociopaths, and he recognized one of his own? I should have picked up on the subtext then: Fred liked two people, Aly and me, making us two peas in a pod.
The woman was down for kinky sex, knew how I liked my coffee, and was more than willing to aid in the murder of a rapist. What had I done to get so lucky?
“This is probably a bad time to gloat over the fact that I was right about your identity, isn’t it?” Reader, I puke-laughed. And, no. I do not recommend it.
And yet, here I was, driving back toward the city with a queasy killer and the corpse he’d created.
I know vigilante justice is problematic as fuck, but sometimes I think it’s necessary, especially when the system put in place to deal with men like Brad fails because it's susceptible to loopholes.”
“Are you saying that the couple who commits homicide together, stays together?” He snorted. “Too wordy. I prefer the couple who slays together, stays together.”
“Aly, nothing you could say about your family would ever drive me away.” “Okay then. My uncle Nico is in the mob.” Josh turned toward his door. “Pull over. We’re breaking up.” He jiggled the handle like he was trying to open it. “Let me out.”
i snorted
He was the definition of “If he wanted to, he would.”
“Aly? Do you want to be my girlfriend? The position comes with snacks and orgasms and maybe a little light stalking.”
well how can you say no to that
“I guess dirty work pays well?” I was gonna dirty work her as soon as I got her alone.
I reached into the front pocket of my bag and pulled out my trusted disguise: glasses and a fake mustache.
this man is so unserious i CANNOT
“What the actual fuck are you doing?” Aly said as I flipped down the sun visor and used the mirror to guide me while I stuck the mustache into place.
He stared up at me, brows lifted. “Nice stache, Porno Joe.”
I held out my hand. “Close. It’s Josh.”
“So, what brings you here so early?” “We killed someone,” Aly said.
Junior turned slowly toward him. “What are you saying? That all Italians are meant to be in the mob?” “Uh, no,” the guy said, backtracking. “Because that’s racist, Phil.”
My grin returned. I’d never get over how special it made me feel that I was one of only two humans Fred tolerated. How dare you impugn the good name of my son. Your son? Yes. Sir Frederick Cappellucci-Hammond, the first of his name.
I was already exhausted. I guess having my house broken into, aiding in the kidnapping and killing of a rapist, hauling his body halfway across the state, getting screamed at by a mobster, driving back into the city in full-blown terror that I was being followed, and then waiting for two hours in a cold autobody shop while my boyfriend’s car was repeatedly deep cleaned by a middle-aged black man named Lucius would do that to a woman.
but this was Josh we were talking about. He gleefully saw my “too soon” and raised me a “we now share a child.”
“Look, I had good reason to worry. Your roommate broke into my house and planted a camera there. And also hacked into my work to watch me.” Instead of being appropriately horrified, Tyler laughed. “Finally, someone to take some of the burden of his love off my shoulders.” He reached over and grabbed my wrist, looking grateful. “Bless you.”
But Josh is the kind of ride-or-die you could go to with a body, and he’d help you hide it.” I choked on my coffee. If only Tyler knew how true that statement was.
Imagine if I’d stormed out of there without giving Josh a chance and let a misunderstanding potentially ruin our relationship. Unforgivable.
“Glad you’re back, man,” Tyler said. “Oh, and Aly knows about your dad.” Josh went stiff in my arms. “I’ll kindly see myself out and let you two deal with this alone.”
“You’re doing the same thing I am,” I said. “Trying to rewrite history.” “How so?” “I try to save every patient as if it might somehow make up for not saving my mom.” I turned and handed him his coffee. “And you dress up like a scary serial killer but do the opposite of what your dad did.”
I dropped my hand and stared at him, lips curling in a snarl. “Which one?” Josh leaned away from me, circling a finger between us. “You got a real creepy vibe going on right now, and I don’t know if I should be worried or turned on.” He glanced at his lap, hidden by the island overhang. “Never mind. My body figured it out.”
“No?” he said, still staring at my lips. “No. And if I have to tie you up and edge you until you agree with me, I’ll do it. I’ve been studying up.” He grinned, his dark eyes finally rising to mine. “Oh, I know you have. I’ve been watching.”
“Relax, baby,” I told her, brushing her hair from her neck. “You can take it.”
The second she started to come down from her orgasm, I pulled out of her and spun her around, grabbing her by the legs and hauling her upright so I could look her in the eye while I finished fucking her. “Watch me,” I said as I slid her down, spearing her with my cock.
“What is it?” Josh asked. “You’ve got the same squirrelly look on your face that Fred had when he stole that piece of bacon.”
Son of a bitch. What was it with all these stalkers lately? Was it me? Was I giving off some weird, come-at-me pheromone? Or was Mercury in retrograde again?
He let go of me with one hand and held it out in front of me. “This is the part where you take your earrings out, right?” he said. “I can hold them for you while you beat his ass.” I craned sideways to look at him. “What about not resorting to violence in front of the baby?” Josh’s expression was stoic. “I changed my mind. Sometimes, examples must be made.”
I glared at him. “I know that, dipshit.” Junior sniffed. “Uncalled for.” Josh popped another piece of popcorn into his mouth, grinning as he chewed. “This is fun for me.”
I turned to Josh, wide-eyed. “Am I being Gilmored right now?” He nodded. “Yup. He’s going full Emily on you.” Junior looked back and forth between us, confused. “The fuck are you talking about?”
I couldn’t keep myself from answering. “Our fearless leader just faceplanted into a Rhododendron, but he’s coming out of it now. He looks embarrassed.” The man swiveled toward me, and even in the darkness, I could tell he was glaring. “Oops, now he looks pissed.”
The likelihood of getting caught was akin to being killed by a gopher: low, but never zero.
Yeah, this place was definitely haunted. What had Mom told me to do if I ever encountered a ghost? “I mean you no harm,” I whispered. “Who are you talking to?” Aly asked, making me jump.
I now had the answer to the question, “How fun is it to run through the woods at night during winter?” About as much fun as having Hannibal Lecter for a gynecologist.
WTF
Maybe it was time to start thinking about getting him a little brother or sister, someone to keep him company while Aly and I were working or having Mommy-Daddy time.
I was tied up, with a knife-wielding masked man looming over me.
I reached up and pulled his mask off, and the Faceless Man became Josh again, his hair mussed and his dark eyes full of wonder as he stared down at me.
