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Mike Teavee
Oh damn lol I forgot about this little shit
The bed was given to the four old grandparents because they were so old and tired. They were so tired, they never got out of it.
#RelatableContent
He worked in a toothpaste factory, where he sat all day long at a bench and screwed the little caps onto the tops of the tubes of toothpaste after the tubes had been filled.
Wow that sounds awful
Then at last, when he could stand it no longer, he would peel back a tiny bit of the paper wrapping at one corner to expose a tiny bit of chocolate, and then he would take a tiny nibble—just enough to allow the lovely sweet taste to spread out slowly over his tongue. The next day, he would take another tiny nibble, and so on, and so on.
It is 1:28 in the morning and I want a chocolate bar god DAMN it
In the town itself, actually within sight of the house in which Charlie lived, there was an enormous chocolate factory!
Okay now that's just rude you'd think Mr. Wonka could have built somewhere else
in to
Into
And outside the walls, for half a mile around in every direction, the air was scented with the heavy rich smell of melting chocolate!
omg this is torture are they hiring
“When it was all finished, Mr. Wonka said to Prince Pondicherry, ‘I warn you, though, it won’t last very long, so you’d better start eating it right away.’ “‘Nonsense!’ shouted the Prince. ‘I’m not going to eat my palace! I’m not even going to nibble the staircase or lick the walls! I’m going to live in it!’
How does Grandpa Joe know all this?
And Mr. Willy Wonka tore his beard and shouted, ‘This is terrible! I shall be ruined! There are spies everywhere! I shall have to close the factory!’” “But he didn’t do that!” Charlie said. “Oh, yes he did. He told all the workers that he was sorry, but they would have to go home.
Oh so I guess they're not hiring
“And all the chocolate and candies that you could eat for the rest of your life—free!” said Grandpa George. “Just imagine that!” “They’d have to deliver them in a truck!” said Grandma Georgina. “It makes me quite ill to think of it,” said Grandma Josephine.
You'd die happy Grandma
“I’m afraid that simply isn’t true,” said Grandpa George. “The kids who are going to find the Golden Tickets are the ones who can afford to buy candy bars every day. Our Charlie gets only one a year. There isn’t a hope.”
NEVER SAY NEVER
Eating is his hobby, you know. That’s all he’s interested in. But still, that’s better than being a hooligan and shooting off zip guns and things like that in his spare time, isn’t it?
Tell that to the Teavees
And what I always say is, he wouldn’t go on eating like he does unless he needed nourishment, would he? It’s all vitamins, anyway.
Okay Aunt Petunia
“What a revolting woman,” said Grandma Josephine. “And what a repulsive boy,” said Grandma Georgina.
Well that's a bit judgy
Charlotte Russe
Hahaha I never caught this before
I just adore gum. I can’t do without it. I munch it all day long except for a few minutes at mealtimes when I take it out and stick it behind my ear for safekeeping.
Ew god
on to
Onto
“Quite so,” sniffed Grandma Georgina. “And just as sure as I’ll be having cabbage soup for supper tomorrow, that ticket’ll go to some nasty little beast who doesn’t deserve it!”
Is that any way to speak about your grandson?
Under cover of the bedclothes, the old man opened the purse and tipped it upside down. Out fell a single silver ten-cent piece. “It’s my secret hoard,” he whispered. “The others don’t know I’ve got it.
How does he have a secret hoard when he never leaves the bed
His eyes were just above the level of the counter. They were staring at the little silver coins lying there. The coins were all dimes. There were nine of them altogether. Surely it wouldn’t matter if he spent just one more. . . .
Treat yourself Charlie ;o;
“It’s a Golden Ticket!” screamed the shopkeeper, leaping about a foot in the air. “You’ve got a Golden Ticket! You’ve found the last Golden Ticket! Hey, what do you know! Come and look at this, everybody! The kid’s found Wonka’s last Golden Ticket! There it is! It’s right there in his hands!”
HEY SOMEBODY ROB THIS KID
on to
Onto
“There’s no must about it, my dear,” Mr. Bucket said gently. “Mind you, I’d love to go. It’ll be tremendously exciting. But on the other hand . . . I believe that the person who really deserves to go most of all is Grandpa Joe himself. He seems to know more about it than we do. Provided, of course, that he feels well enough. . . .”
The ticket said Charlie could bring two people, why don't they both go?
on to
Onto
He must be that skinny little shrimp standing beside the old fellow who looks like a skeleton.
LOL EXCUSE ME???
I always thought that a veruca was a sort of wart that you got on the sole of your foot! But I must be wrong, mustn’t I?
The shade is strong with this one
Please don’t wander off by yourselves! I shouldn’t like to lose any of you at this stage of the proceedings! Oh, dear me, no!”
Not feeling great about this, Willy.
“There wouldn’t be nearly enough space for them up on top!” answered Mr. Wonka. “These rooms we are going to see are enormous! They’re larger than football fields! No building in the world would be big enough to house them! But down here, underneath the ground, I’ve got all the space I want. There’s no limit—so long as I hollow it out.”
On the door, in large letters, it said: The Chocolate Room
Just leave me here :'D
“Imported direct from Loompaland,” said Mr. Wonka proudly. “There’s no such place,” said Mrs. Salt. “Excuse me, dear lady, but . . . ” “Mr. Wonka,” cried Mrs. Salt. “I am a teacher of geography . . . ” “Then you’ll know all about it,” said Mr. Wonka.
“The little man gave a great whoop of joy and threw his bowl of mashed caterpillars right out of the tree-house window.
Waste of good caterpillars
But Augustus was deaf to everything except the call of his enormous stomach. He was now lying full length on the ground with his head far out over the river, lapping up the chocolate like a dog. “Augustus!” shouted Mrs. Gloop. “You’ll be giving that nasty cold of yours to about a million people all over the country!”
I'm glad he goes first
“Save him!” screamed Mrs. Gloop, going white in the face, and waving her umbrella about. “He’ll drown! He can’t swim a yard! Save him! Save him!” “Good heavens, woman,” said Mr. Gloop, “I’m not diving in there! I’ve got my best suit on!”
“Help! Murder! Police!” screamed Mrs. Gloop. “Augustus, come back at once! Where are you going?” “It’s a wonder to me,” said Mr. Gloop, “how that pipe is big enough for him to go through it.”
Mr. Gloop is NO help.
“How can he possibly come out just fine!” snapped Mrs. Gloop. “He’ll be made into marshmallows in five seconds!” “Impossible!” cried Mr. Wonka. “Unthinkable! Inconceivable! Absurd! He could never be made into marshmallows!” “And why not, may I ask?” shouted Mrs. Gloop. “Because that pipe doesn’t go to the Marshmallow Room!” Mr. Wonka answered.
“He’ll be chocolate fudge!” shrieked Mrs. Gloop. “Never!” cried Mr. Wonka. “Of course he will!” shrieked Mrs. Gloop. “I wouldn’t allow it!” cried Mr. Wonka. “And why not?” shrieked Mrs. Gloop. “Because the taste would be terrible,” said Mr. Wonka. “Just imagine it! Augustus-flavored chocolate-coated Gloop! No one would buy it.” “They most certainly would!” cried Mr. Gloop indignantly.
Mr. Gloop is fired
You’ll have to hurry! If you leave him in the chocolate-mixing barrel too long, he’s liable to get poured out into the fudge boiler, and that really would be a disaster, wouldn’t it? My fudge would become quite uneatable!”
I would think it already is
And please don’t worry about Augustus Gloop. He’s bound to come out in the wash. They always do.
"ALWAYS"???
“You like it?” asked Mr. Wonka. “Oh, it’s wonderful!” Charlie said. “The creamiest loveliest chocolate I’ve ever tasted!” said Grandpa Joe, smacking his lips. “That’s because it’s been mixed by waterfall,” Mr. Wonka told him.
I'm glad they can't taste Augustus
“Whips!” cried Veruca Salt. “What on earth do you use whips for?” “For whipping cream, of course,” said Mr. Wonka. “How can you whip cream without whips? Whipped cream isn’t whipped cream at all unless it’s been whipped with whips. Just as a poached egg isn’t a poached egg unless it’s been stolen from the woods in the dead of night! Row on, please!”
“Has beans?” cried Violet Beauregarde. “You’re one yourself!” said Mr. Wonka.
Old Fickelgruber would give his front teeth to be allowed inside
Eww who would want them
started
Stared
“A beard!” cried Veruca Salt. “Who wants a beard, for heaven’s sake?” “It would suit you very well,” said Mr. Wonka,
“Great heavens, girl!” screeched Mrs. Beauregarde. “You’re blowing up like a balloon!” “Like a blueberry,” said Mr. Wonka. “Call a doctor!” shouted Mr. Beauregarde. “Prick her with a pin!” said one of the other fathers.
“It always happens like that,” sighed Mr. Wonka. “I’ve tried it twenty times in the Testing Room on twenty Oompa-Loompas, and every one of them finished up as a blueberry. It’s most annoying. I just can’t understand it.”
And that is why we’ll try so hard To save Miss Violet Beauregarde From suffering an equal fate. She’s still quite young. It’s not too late, Provided she survives the cure. We hope she does. We can’t be sure.”
“He should have burped,” Charlie said. “Of course he should have burped,” said Mr. Wonka. “I stood there shouting, ‘Burp, you silly ass, burp, or you’ll never come down again! But he didn’t or couldn’t or wouldn’t, I don’t know which. Maybe he was too polite. He must be on the moon by now.”
“But they don’t look round!” said Veruca Salt. “They look square!” “They look round,” insisted Mr. Wonka. “They most certainly do not look round!” cried Veruca Salt. “Veruca, darling,” said Mrs. Salt, “pay no attention to Mr. Wonka! He’s lying to you!” “My dear old fish,” said Mr. Wonka, “go and boil your head!”
Then all at once, the squirrels pulled Veruca to the ground and started carrying her across the floor. “My goodness, she is a bad nut after all,” said Mr. Wonka. “Her head must have sounded quite hollow.”
