This Inevitable Ruin (Dungeon Crawler Carl #7)

by Matt Dinniman

This is a human. This one is something called a Canadian. Part French. Part maple syrup. He’s weirdly obsessed with ice hockey and snowmobiles and semi-erotic lumberjack fan fiction. Has a well-worn Tim Hortons loyalty card in his Velcro wallet. He says “aboot” instead of “about” and gets really, really upset when you point it out, claiming you’re hearing things and that it’s a harmful stereotype. It’s not a stereotype, and that’s exactly how it sounds. He has a relative who was trampled to death by a moose. You get the idea.

I need to come to terms with you being an idiot and be grateful for what I have. ... You can’t help how stupid you are.”

When Big Things happen on such a large scale, it’s easy to forget sometimes that these Big Things are also happening to the little things in the world.

They were cute, I supposed. Kind of in the same way Mongo was cute when he was a baby. Meaning, they weren’t even a little cute. They were goddamn abominations, but I wasn’t about to say that out loud, not with half the room fawning over them, including their mother and Donut.