This Inevitable Ruin (Dungeon Crawler Carl #7)

by Matt Dinniman

These fights were like a Saccathian orgy. They all started off all organized with people following the ground rules, but the moment something weird happened, there was a lot of crying, a lot of bleeding, and a whole lot of screaming confusion.”

Which goes back to rule number one. Be careful who you’re nice to. Because if you are nice to the wrong person, they’ll either take advantage of you, or worse, they might never leave.”

“Yes, Carl,” the potion bottle said, his voice deep and demonic. “Drink me. Drink me deep. Put me inside of you.” “What the shit?” I asked as Donut hissed. “That’s how you know it’s a good potion,” Mordecai said, grinning.

Donut sniffed angrily. “Carl, if this turns into some weird, furry porn thing, I’m going to lose my absolute shit.”

“Goodness, Carl, are you okay?” Donut asked. “You’re shaking like Miss Beatrice during pumpkin spice season.”

Skank Skunk Warrior. Level 45. You ever see those Pepé Le Pew cartoons? You know, the ones where they taught kids that rape was funny, especially when it was French people doing it to cats? These guys are like that, but instead of being extra horny, they just want to kill you.

Peaking at Number 3 on June 20, 2020 – Wait, really? Huh. – Anyway, Peaking at Number 3 on June 20, 2020, despite first coming out in 1992, It’s “Killing in the Name.” The Rage Against the Machine Song echoed, powerfully loud, literally shaking the ground louder than the explosions. Anyone within a few hundred meters of the things would experience immediate, painful hearing damage. Combined with the flashing lights, it wasn’t going to be fun for anyone in those trenches.

Donut made a derisive noise. “Well, he looks like he stumbled drunk into the closet of a colorblind drag clown. Though I do like that boa. I wonder if it’s magical. I could use a boa, though I wouldn’t want Tina to get jealous. That’s kinda her thing.” “Do you have his stats yet?” I asked. “Hold your panties, Carl. The Size-Up takes a minute. And that creature he’s riding is absolutely disgusting. Her name is Gonk. What kind of name is that? I bet she smells like the feed bowl at an illegal petting zoo.

The Enchanted Hairbrush of the Beefmaster. This item may only be used on a male with an average hair length of 25 centimeters or longer. This item may only be used on a single person, once per day. Samson. Fabio. Michael Bolton. Jim Morrison. The entire band Stryper. Yanni. Your history is filled with luscious men whose power resided in their lovely locks. Now, it’s your turn.

Sausage Golems.

Intention matters, and for this spell, we respect that. Just know it’s going to be awesome and something that most governments would consider unconscionable.

While she’s able to lie, she rarely does. Why bother when the truth is often so much worse?

am no prostitute!” “We’ll see about that. I’ll give you ten gold to lick my tail,” Bigs said, turning around and waving her slug behind seductively. “Twelve, if you lick against the grain.”

“He was having sex with a naga?” Donut asked. “How did that work? Can you imagine the dirty talk? ‘Rub your naughty tusks all over my scaly cloaca, my warthog king.’ It’s obscene!” Prepotente grunted. “Oh, it really is quite filthy. One of the harem girls was one of those tripods, like the adjutant for the Dream. It would be like having sexual congress with the Sputnik satellite!”