More on this book
Community
Kindle Notes & Highlights
Read between
July 15 - July 28, 2025
No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means, including information storage and retrieval systems, without written permission from the author, except for the use of brief quotations in a book review, but only if the review is good. If it’s a bad review you can still use quotes, and we can still be friends, but all that crying and whining is going to make everything really awkward.
Never give shit up for free because if you do, they’ll just keep coming back to you and will expect more and more.”
This is a human. This one is something called a Canadian. Part French. Part maple syrup. He’s weirdly obsessed with ice hockey and snowmobiles and semi-erotic lumberjack fan fiction. Has a well-worn Tim Hortons loyalty card in his Velcro wallet. He says “aboot” instead of “about” and gets really, really upset when you point it out, claiming you’re hearing things and that it’s a harmful stereotype. It’s not a stereotype, and that’s exactly how it sounds. He has a relative who was trampled to death by a moose. You get the idea.
“Yes, Carl,” the potion bottle said, his voice deep and demonic. “Drink me. Drink me deep. Put me inside of you.”
“Guys,” he said, looking back and forth between me and Donut, suddenly serious. “You two have always been powerful, especially for your levels. But... wow. You two are both some seriously scary bastards now. Like really scary. You are now both the most powerful crawlers I have ever worked with, including some who made it through floor 11.”
AM I GETTING ANY OF THIS ILLICIT BUTTHOLE MONEY?
DON’T BE ALL CARL ABOUT IT. BE ROMANTIC.
“I would rather have a sexual affair with the bloating corpse of a syphilis-infested cocker spaniel than even consider having a relationship with you. I don’t know what I ever saw in you.”
You ever see those Pepé Le Pew cartoons? You know, the ones where they taught kids that rape was funny, especially when it was French people doing it to cats? These guys are like that, but instead of being extra horny, they just want to kill you.
The Inevitable Ruin. That’s what their queen used to call this moment. The moment you realized there was no hope, nothing left to do, and all that was left was to die and reflect upon what you’ve already done while you waited.
I have her now, son, he’d said. She is good and trapped. You can always set her free, if you must. But do not unless all is lost.
POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT IS A VERY GOOD MOTIVATOR.
you had a debuff called Post Nut Clarity.
Current status: Died after deliberately filling a Weeper-class tank with explosives and detonating it in the center of the Bloc force, killing over 10,000 of his fellow soldiers with a single blast, including Warlord Hortense Leadership Unit, thus eliminating Team Two, the Operatic Collective, from Faction Wars.
“I need to remind Louis to make sure he always puts the toilet seat down. Happy wife, happy life takes on a whole new meaning when your other half is an indescribable cosmic horror.”
“In the eternal words of my mulleted friend, Holger. You done stuck your pecker in the wrong beehive.”
all suffering leaves scars.
Here’s the thing about coordinated attacks. Any plan, any attack, no matter how well-coordinated, no matter how well-executed always turns to absolute shit the moment someone drops a very big bomb in a very narrow room.
Wishing for favorable air currents does not manifest them. You ride the currents you have, or you don’t fly. It was as simple as that.
Reward: You’ve received a Legendary Lucky Bitch Box.
I know one goddess whose clitoris got turned into the head of a bald man named Otis-Ray who spends his day begging to be fed cabbage, so it makes much more sense that a penis would be turned to a food item.”
CARL, WHY DO ALL THESE GODS LOOK LIKE PENISES?
“Just so you know, nothing turns me on more than mass, faceless slaughter from above.”
IT’S NOT MY FAULT HE’S SEXUALLY ATTRACTED TO ANIMALS. NO OFFENSE, KATIA.
Vai pra puta que pariu!
GOD OF LUST? I DON’T THINK SO. HE’S THE GOD OF BEING A PERVERTED LITTLE BITCH. MAYBE IF I DRESSED UP LIKE A SLUTTY HAMSTER HE’D KEEP CHASING ME. I WOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT WITH HIM AGAIN ANYWAY. PROBABLY NOT.
IT’S GOING TO TAKE MORE THAN JUST A GIANT ROBOT TO DISTRACT THAT GOD. HE’S TRYING TO GET HIS STOLEN WIENER BACK. GUYS ARE PRETTY SINGLE-MINDED WHEN IT COMES TO THAT SORT OF THING.
GUYS SURE ARE SENSITIVE WHEN YOU MAKE FUN OF THEIR WIENERS.
Li Jun: Sister. Tell Zhang I’m sorry I didn’t get to say goodbye to his face. Tell him I won our bet. And you. Protect him. I want you to be kind to the others. This was my decision. I had to do it. I know you get angry. If you must, be angry with me. I love you with all I have. I love you with the moon and the sun and all the stars in the sky. I will see you soon, and I will tell mama you said hello.
EPITOME TAGG’S SEXY MOTHER: “I CAN’T WAIT FOR YOU TO COME BACK TO ME, LOUIS. MY HAND IS STUCK IN THE WASHING MACHINE. WILL YOU COME HELP ME?”
