This Inevitable Ruin (Dungeon Crawler Carl #7)

by Matt Dinniman

“Mother horse fucker penis basket,” she exclaimed.

Nice.

Donut: WELL, I’M CERTAINLY NOT GOING TO PICK THE HALLOWEEN AFICIONADO. I MEAN, REALLY. MY PERSONALITY IS MUCH TOO SPARKLY AND OPTIMISTIC FOR ME TO BE A GOTH. IT DOES COME WITH BLACK LIPSTICK. AND A BOXCUTTER FOR SOME REASON.

“Why are you wearing a snowsuit?” Donut asked. “And is that a raccoon hat? Can I have it?”

“Carl, I think he likes the potions more than he likes us.”

Participation trophy, snowflakes, blah, blah, blah. God, I sound like an old dude about to ruin the day of a Cracker Barrel waitress.

“Yes, Carl,” the potion bottle said, his voice deep and demonic. “Drink me. Drink me deep. Put me inside of you.” “What the shit?” I asked as Donut hissed. “That’s how you know it’s a good potion,” Mordecai said, grinning.

I grinned and gave Donut a pat. “Don’t worry. You’ll always be my number one girl.”

“I don’t stick my butthole in everybody’s face when they’re trying to sit down and eat.” “Well, excuse me for showing affection. I mean really.”